Talk:Proud of Your Boy/GA1
Appearance
GA Review
[edit]GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 13:54, 26 October 2020 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
|
This is very large, I will try to start reviewing today though. --K. Peake 13:54, 26 October 2020 (UTC)
Infobox and lead
[edit]- Infobox looks good
- "for Disney's animated film" → "for Disney's animated film," with the target
- Done, but linked to "Walt Disney Animation Studios" so readers know we're referring to the company's feature-length animation division.--Changedforbetter (talk) 01:59, 27 October 2020 (UTC)
- "The discarded song remained largely" → "After being discarded, the song remained largely"
- "The ballad was eventually restored" → "The song was eventually restored"
- "Lyrically, "Proud of Your Boy" is about" → "Lyrically, it is about"
- "about which Ashman was particularly fond." → "with Ashman being particularly fond of it."
- "theorize that the lyricist" → "theorized that the lyricist"
- "using "Proud of Your Boy";" → "using the song;"
- ""Proud of Your Boy" was one of the first songs" → "it was one of the first songs"
- "In the play Aladdin sings" → "In the musical, Aladdin sings"
- Revised.--Changedforbetter (talk) 01:59, 27 October 2020 (UTC)
- "premiered in the stage adaptation to" → "premiered in the stage adaptation for Aladdin to"
- "new addition, since becoming" → "new addition since becoming"
- ""Proud of Your Boy" had already" → "it had already"
- Target cult favourite to Cult following
- Done.
- "of its demo, considered" → "of the demo, being considered"
Background and writing
[edit]- "Menken also contributed to" → "with Menken also contributing to"
- Add release year of the film in brackets
- Remove target on "Arabian Nights"
- Removed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 05:57, 31 October 2020 (UTC)
- "Aladdin's mother is" → "the character of the same name's mother is" with the target
- "for the better[9][10] and acknowledging" → "for the better,[9][10] while acknowledging"
- "strong feelings for the song being" → "strong feelings about the song, being" to avoid confusion
- "Ashman had worked with" → "He had worked with"
- "agreed the ballad" → "agreed that the ballad"
- "with his mother."" → "with his mother"." for consistency
- "about their relationship querying," → "about the relationship, querying,"
- Img looks good
- Thanks.--Changedforbetter (talk) 05:57, 31 October 2020 (UTC)
- "Originally intended to occur" → "Originally intended to appear"
- Aladdin should be italicised since it is the film being referenced here
- In this context, the sentence is actually referring discarded solos specifically for the character of Aladdin himself; I've revised the sentence for clarity.--Changedforbetter (talk) 05:57, 31 October 2020 (UTC)
- "during which both the mother and song were written out of the movie." → "with both the mother and song being written out of the film."
- "deemed unsalvageable as well as" → "deemed unsalvageable, as well as"
- "being written out of Aladdin." → "being written out of it."
- "of the film to" → "of Aladdin to"
- "until "A Whole New World" replaced it." → "prior to the replacement."
- "After "Proud of Your Boy"'s omission," → "After the song's omission,"
Recording and release
[edit]- "to sing in the film by singing" → "to sing in Aladdin by performing"
- Wikilink sheet music
- Target audio cassette to Cassette tape
- Target voice coach to Voice therapy
- "assured him instead they would" → "assured him they would instead"
- "and as of 2019 occasionally" → "and as of 2019, he occasionally"
- "he also recorded it" → "he also recorded the song"
- [43][18][44] should be put in numerical order
- Target News 95.7 to CJNI-FM
- "after which it was" → "after which the song was"
- "auditions, describing it as" → "auditions; he described it as"
- Revised.--Changedforbetter (talk) 06:00, 2 November 2020 (UTC)
- "It was used by" → "The song was used by"
- "as the original audition song" → "as one of the original audition songs"
- "approaching the release of an upcoming special edition DVD." → "around the time of an upcoming special edition DVD's release."
- "This version was" → "The version was"
- "featurette hosted by Musker and co-director Ron Clements," → "featurette that is hosted by Musker and Clements,"
- "limited to "Hardcore" → "limited to "[h]ardcore"
- "for the original Broadway cast recording[52]" → "for Aladdin: Original Broadway Cast Recording,[52]"
Context
[edit]Background
[edit]- "once the project was greenlit," → "once the stage adaptation was green-lit," with the wikilink
- "recognizing it among" → "recognizing the song among"
- "Disney Theatrical Productions associate producer" → "Disney Theatrical Productions (DTP) associate producer" per MOS:ACROFIRSTUSE
- Target Broadway to Broadway theatre
- "that it be revised" → "that the script be revised"
- "of the show."" → "of the show"."
- "in the musical having Aladdin" → "in the musical by having Aladdin"
Done.--Changedforbetter (talk) 03:12, 3 November 2020 (UTC)
- "dreams come true."" → "dreams come true"."
- Wikilink reprises
- "president of Disney Theatrical Group," → "president of the Disney Theatrical Group,"
- "Ashman's “Proud of Your Boy”" → "Ashman's "Proud of Your Boy""
- Fixed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 03:12, 3 November 2020 (UTC)
- "in a son."" → "in a son"."
- "assure his mother" → "assure his mother,"
- "make you proud"," → "make you proud";"
- "the whole show."" → "the whole show"."
- "shared Jacob's sentiments," → "shared Jacob's sentiment,"
- "the tune offers" → "the song offers" since "tune" is unencyclopedic
- "suggested performers of the song" → "suggested for performers of the song to"
Use in Aladdin
[edit]- "saying "how Aladdin" → "by saying that "how Aladdin"
- "both restored from" → "consisting of ones restored from"
- "for the show – heard" → "for the show–heard"
- "now sings in memory of his late mother[3] and reveals" → "now sings the song in memory of his late mother,[3] revealing"
- "make her proud[77][78] as opposed" → "make her proud,[76][77][78] as opposed" with [76] being solely here rather than in its current position at all
- "in the animated film," → "in the film,"
- [80] should be solely at the end of the sentence after [20]
- "establishes Aladdin wishes to be" → "establishes that Aladdin wishes to be"
- Target Jasmine to Jasmine (Disney character)
- "explained that" → "explained that,"
- "Despite a second act reprise," → "Despite a reprise in the second act,"
- Remove target on Jasmine
- "parents proud."" → "parents proud"."
Composition
[edit]- Retitle to Composition and lyrics
- Changed to "Music and lyrics".--Changedforbetter (talk) 21:58, 10 November 2020 (UTC)
- Remove wikilink on Walt Disney Music Publishing
- "performed "With" → "performed "[w]ith"
- D major should be in lowercase for the second word
- Wikilink octave
- "duration of two minutes and twenty seconds." → "duration of 2:20."
- ScreenCrush should be italicised
- "style of 'A Whole New World',"[47]" → "style of 'A Whole New World'",[47]"
- "two minutes and twenty-nine seconds." → "2:29."
- "mother proud."" → "mother proud"."
- "Identifying it as" → "Identifying "Proud of Your Boy" as"
- "lyrics include" → "lyrics include,"
- "of your boy”,[20] promising to" → "of your boy."[20] The lyrics promise to"
- "'screwin’-up times'."" → "'screwin'-up times'"."
- "wasted time."" → "wasted time"."
- "her son."" → "her son"."
- "emotional punch,"" → "emotional punch","
- "we are."" → "we are"."
- "of you."" → "of you"."
Reception
[edit]- "Heather Phares of AllMusic described" → "Phares described"
- "Filmtracks.com offered a" → "The staff of Filmtracks.com offered a"
- "although the critic said" → "while saying"
- "a degree,"" → "a degree","
- "due to its availability" → "due to the availability"
- "the critic described" → "the staff described"
- "Comingsoon.net's Scott Chitwood found" → "ComingSoon.net's Scott Chitwood found"
- "about its creators'" → "about the creators'"
- "Nerdist contributor Amy Ratcliffe wrote that" → "Ratcliffe wrote that"
- "emotional jab."" → "emotional jab"."
- "among the disc's bonus content," → "among the DVD's bonus content,"
- Target cult favourite to Cult following
- Why is the cult favourite mentioned here when the reviews like the DVD one that are listed earlier are from later time periods? Shouldn't it be earlier in the section instead???
- I've moved this down to the "impact" section instead.--Changedforbetter (talk) 05:21, 18 November 2020 (UTC)
- "The Mississauga News reported" → "The staff of The Mississauga News reported"
- Remove wikilink on The Music Behind the Magic
- "wonderful effect."" → "wonderful effect"."
- "new addition to the musical for" → "new addition for"
- Revised.--Changedforbetter (talk) 05:21, 18 November 2020 (UTC)
- "New York Theatre Guide described it" → "The staff of New York Theatre Guide described it"
- "reviewed actor Graeme Isaako's" → "reviewed Isaako's"
- "in the film."" → "in the film"."
- Remove UHCL The Signal per WP:RSSM
- Removed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 02:13, 22 November 2020 (UTC)
- "in love."" → "in love"."
- "also believes the song" → "also stated that the song"
- "News & Review's Tessa Marguerite Outland" → "The News & Review's Tessa Marguerite Outland"
- Target LEO Weekly to Louisville Eccentric Observer
- "writing for the same publication," → "for the same publication,"
- Wikilink Deadline Hollywood
- "Variety said" → "The staff of Variety said,"" with the target
- "“Disney’s Aladdin” has" → "'Disney's Aladdin' has"
- Revised.--Changedforbetter (talk) 02:13, 22 November 2020 (UTC)
- "Vulture.com's Jesse Green was" → "Vulture's Jesse Green was" with the target per MOS:LINK2SECT
- "and found its reprise" → "and finding the song's reprise"
- Remove wikilink on Los Angeles Times
- Remove The Spectrum per WP:RSSM
- "Although C. Edwards of Cartoon Brew agreed that "It’s" → "While C. Edwards of Cartoon Brew wrote that, "It's"
- "a break."" → "a break"."
Live performances and covers
[edit]- Img looks good
- "of Disney Theatrical Productions." → "of DTP that same year."
- Wikilink Auditorium Theatre
- "own parents, using" → "own parents, with him using"
- "In 2019, actor Clinton Greenspan" → "In 2019, Greenspan"
- Wikilink music video
- "Scott Chitwood of Comingsoon.net described" → "Chitwood described"
- Animation World Network should not be italicised
- Fixed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 20:39, 15 March 2021 (UTC)
- "a fan of the artist," → "a fan of Aiken,"
- "AllMusic's Heather Phares described as" → "Phares described as"
- Target Buena Vista Pictures to Buena Vista (brand)
- Fixed.
- Target video montage to Montage (filmmaking)
- Done.
- "which is considered" → "the latter of which is considered"
- Target single to Single (music)
- Target ABC to ABC Signature
- "the artist's rendition" → "the singer's rendition"
- "but remains" → "while remaining"
Impact
[edit]- There has been some edit warring circulated around this section over the past month or so, though this edit showed more of a compromise for both sides
- "in which it became" → "with it becoming"
- Target 680 News to CFTR (AM)
- Remove wikilink on BroadwayWorld
- "among 20 best" → "among the 20 best"
- Fixed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:39, 16 March 2021 (UTC)
- "Actor Telly Leung said the song" → "Leung said the song"
- "stage production."" → "stage production"."
- Add release year of the adaption in brackets
- Added.--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:39, 16 March 2021 (UTC)
- "of Vulture.com joked that" → "of Vulture joked that"
- Fixed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:39, 16 March 2021 (UTC)
References
[edit]- Copyvio score looks decent at 35.1%
- Make sure all of these are archived by using the tool
- Cite American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers as publisher instead for ref 1
- Remove or replace ref 2 per WP:SELFPUB
- Fix MOS:QWQ issues with ref 3 and cite BuzzFeed as publisher instead
- Cite Moviefone as publisher instead for ref 5
- Geeks of Dom → Geeks of Doom on ref 8
- WP:OVERLINK of Entertainment Weekly on refs 10, 30, 55 and 138
- Cite Nerdist News instead for ref 12 and as publisher
- Cite The FW as publisher instead for ref 13 and target to Townsquare Media
- Cite StubHub as publisher instead for ref 15
- Cite DVD Talk as publisher instead for ref 16
- Cite BroadwayWorld as publisher instead for ref 17
- Cite NewNowNext.com as publisher instead for ref 19 and target to Logo TV
- Cite London Theatre Direct as publisher instead for refs 20 and 68
- Cite the surname followed by middle name in the first name parameter for ref 25
- Broadway World → BroadwayWorld on ref 27 and remove wikilink
- Cite Cartoon Brew as publisher instead for ref 28
- Cite Soundtrack.Net as publisher instead for ref 29
- WP:OVERLINK of BroadwayWorld on refs 31, 59, 70, 88 and 127 and cite as publisher instead
- Cite BroadwaySF as publisher instead for ref 32
- Fix MOS:QWQ issues with ref 33 and cite Grammys.com as publisher instead, with target to Grammy Award
- Cite 680 News as publisher instead for ref 34 and target to CFTR (AM)
- Fix MOS:QWQ issues with ref 36 and cite D23 as publisher instead
- Fix MOS:QWQ issues with refs 37, 133 and 144
- Remove or replace ref 38 per WP:SELFPUB
- Cite Animated Views as publisher instead on ref 42
- Cite Tail Slate as publisher instead for ref 43
- Cite News 95.7 as publisher instead for ref 45 and target to CJNI-FM
- Cite People instead for ref 46 and target to People (magazine)
- Cite AllMusic as publisher instead for ref 47
- Remove or replace ref 48 per WP:ALBUMAVOID
- Cite Amazon.com as publisher instead for ref 49 and target to Amazon (company)
- Cite Vudu as publisher instead for ref 50
- Cite Oh My Disney as publisher instead for ref 51 and fix MOS:QWQ issues
- WP:OVERLINK of AllMusic on refs 52 and 136 and cite as publisher instead
- WP:OVERLINK of Amazon on refs 53 and 134 and cite as publisher instead
- WP:OVERLINK of Billboard on refs 54 and 121
- WP:OVERLINK of People on ref 56
- WP:OVERLINK of Oh My Disney on refs 63 and 87 and cite as publisher instead
- Cite TheaterMania as publisher instead for refs 67 and 108
- Target Hal Leonard Corporation to Hal Leonard LLC on ref 69
- Cite TodayTix as publisher instead for ref 71
- Cite Digital Spy as publisher instead for ref 72
- Target LEO Weekly to Louisville Eccentric Observer on ref 74
- Seattle Times → The Seattle Times on ref 77
- Remove or replace refs 81 and 84 per WP:RSSM
- WP:OVERLINK of Out on refs 85 and 86, plus fix MOS:CAPS issues with the latter
- WP:OVERLINK of DVD Talk on ref 89 and cite as publisher instead
- Cite Musicnotes.com solely as publisher for ref 90, removing the other one
- WP:OVERLINK of Billboard on ref 93 and target Nielsen Business Media, Inc to Nielsen Holdings
- Cite United Press International as publisher instead for ref 94
- Are you sure ref 96 doesn't violate WP:SELFPUB?
- WP:OVERLINK of Newsday on ref 97
- Cite Filmtracks.com as publisher instead for ref 98
- Comingsoon.net → ComingSoon.net on ref 99
- Cite Texas Public Radio as publisher instead for ref 101
- Movieweb → MovieWeb on ref 102, citing as publisher instead
- Target Tribute to Tribute (magazine) on ref 107
- Remove or replace ref 109 per WP:RSSM
- Talkin'Broadway → Talkin' Broadway on ref 111, citing as publisher instead
- WP:OVERLINK of Deadline Hollywood on ref 115
- Remove Variety from the title of ref 116
- Cite Vulture instead for ref 117 but target to Vulture.com
- WP:OVERLINK of Los Angeles Times on ref 118
- WP:OVERLINK of The Hollywood Reporter on ref 120
- WP:OVERLINK of D23 on ref 125 and cite as publisher instead
- Cite Animation World Network as publisher instead for ref 131
- Cite Business Wire as publisher instead for ref 135
- WP:OVERLINK of Chicago Tribune on ref 140
- Remove or replace ref 142 since PopSugar are a gossip site, not a reliable source of info
- Cite Vulture instead for ref 143 with no target/wikilink
Final comments and verdict
[edit]- On hold but an issue I noticed throughout was that you did overlink a lot of things. --K. Peake 12:21, 27 October 2020 (UTC)
- K. Peake Hi there. Firstly, I'd like to thank you for taking the time to review my article so diligently and quickly. I understand that, typically, the turnaround for responding to reviews is 7 days/a week. However, I wanted to advise you that I've run into some home computer issues that may result in my response taking a little bit longer. I hope you don't mind if I ask for another week, at the most, before passing judgement. Thanks!--Changedforbetter (talk) 02:55, 3 November 2020 (UTC)
- Changedforbetter No of course I don't mind; the response timeframe is what is aimed for, though it is not necessary and if you have issues then I am definitely willing to allow longer to respond. Mention me again when you have covered everything though! --K. Peake 08:42, 3 November 2020 (UTC)
- Changedforbetter I am glad to see that you have completed the sections up to reception, how long do you think it will take you to get through the rest hopefully? --K. Peake 12:04, 24 November 2020 (UTC)
- Changedforbetter Unfortunately I will have to ✗ Fail this, as I have allowed a good amount longer than an extra week for you to fix the issues but there are still a number of sections left to cover; I waited until now to form this verdict because today marks the end of the month. --K. Peake 08:18, 30 November 2020 (UTC)
- K. Peake Hi there, I completely understand and wouldn't hold your decision to "fail" against you at all; you've been more than patient and accommodating. Unfortunately, my real-life career and computer various issues have gotten in the way of myself editing the article as consistently as I would have liked, for which I do apologize. Hopefully I'll be able to resubmit the article for GA once life has regulated a little. All the best! :-)--Changedforbetter (talk) 03:04, 1 December 2020 (UTC)
- Changedforbetter Unfortunately I will have to ✗ Fail this, as I have allowed a good amount longer than an extra week for you to fix the issues but there are still a number of sections left to cover; I waited until now to form this verdict because today marks the end of the month. --K. Peake 08:18, 30 November 2020 (UTC)
- Changedforbetter I am glad to see that you have completed the sections up to reception, how long do you think it will take you to get through the rest hopefully? --K. Peake 12:04, 24 November 2020 (UTC)
- Changedforbetter No of course I don't mind; the response timeframe is what is aimed for, though it is not necessary and if you have issues then I am definitely willing to allow longer to respond. Mention me again when you have covered everything though! --K. Peake 08:42, 3 November 2020 (UTC)
- K. Peake Hi there. Firstly, I'd like to thank you for taking the time to review my article so diligently and quickly. I understand that, typically, the turnaround for responding to reviews is 7 days/a week. However, I wanted to advise you that I've run into some home computer issues that may result in my response taking a little bit longer. I hope you don't mind if I ask for another week, at the most, before passing judgement. Thanks!--Changedforbetter (talk) 02:55, 3 November 2020 (UTC)