Talk:Pretty Girl Rock/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Crisco 1492 (talk · contribs) 23:55, 7 December 2011 (UTC)

• I have quite honestly never heard of the artist, so you will get a truly neutral opinion. Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:55, 7 December 2011 (UTC)

Checklist

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
	1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	See below Good to go!
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.	Fine
	2. Verifiable with no original research:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.	Good
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).	Good
	2c. it contains no original research.	Good
	3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.	Can't think of anything missing
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).	See below Okay, good.
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.	Everything POV is cited.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.	Within definition
	6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.	See below
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.	Good
	7. Overall assessment.	Pending

Comments

1A

I've done a couple minor fixes, but there are some suggestions below.

Lead

• "Critical reception towards the song was generally mixed to positive." -- Probably should get rid of generally.
• "However, the song's lyrics were met with mixed reaction." -- We shouldn't repeat "mixed" so soon. How about "However, critics were of disparate opinions on the song's lyrics" or "However, critics were divided regarding the song's lyrics."
• "An accompanying music video for the song was directed by Joseph Kahn and features Hilson portraying an array of African American female icons of the past, including Josephine Baker, Dorothy Dandridge, The Andrews Sisters, Diana Ross, Donna Summer, Janet Jackson and TLC" -- I thought she portrayed T-Boz and not all of TLC
• Standardize if you put the title of awards in single quotation marks or not.
• In or on a TV show? I seem to recall "on Letterman", "on Lost", etc. being more common.
  •  Done Oz ^talk 02:27, 8 December 2011 (UTC)

Background

• Formerly or originally titled "Pretty Girls"? To me, formerly implies that it was released under the name. Perhaps (titled "Pretty Girls" during production) or something similar.
• "The song was first debuted by Hilson at the Beats By Dr. Dre concert in New York City on September 29, 2010." -- Perhaps go with the active voice? "Hilson debuted the song at the Beats By Dr. Dre concert in New York City on September 29, 2010." or "The song made its debut at the Beats By Dr. Dre concert in New York City on September 29, 2010."
• ""Pretty Girl Rock" premiered online on October 4, ..." -- Perhaps add 2010, as this is a new paragraph.
  •  Done Oz ^talk 02:27, 8 December 2011 (UTC)

Critical reception

• ""a lighter-than-air jump-rope rhyme about how hot she [Keri] is."" -- Wouldn't it just be better to write ""a lighter-than-air jump-rope rhyme about how hot [Keri] is.""?
• ""four minutes of schoolyard singsong about her [Keri's] fabulousness."" -- Same thing, ""four minutes of schoolyard singsong about [Keri's] fabulousness.""
  •  Done Oz ^talk 00:54, 8 December 2011 (UTC)

Music video

• "Hilson told Kahn that she did not want the video to be about her, since she felt that the song was very much about herself." -- Perhaps "Hilson told Kahn that she did not want the video to be about her, since she felt that the song was already very much about herself."
  •  Done Oz ^talk 00:54, 8 December 2011 (UTC)

Remixes

• "Jessica Letkemann of Billboard magazine wrote that the band performed "the super self-assured R&B strut of Keri Hilson's 'Pretty Girl Rock' into a sweet, poppy acoustic rock bounce."" -- I don't think you can 'perform' something into something else. Perhaps "Jessica Letkemann of Billboard magazine wrote that the band transformed "the super self-assured R&B strut of Keri Hilson's 'Pretty Girl Rock' into a sweet, poppy acoustic rock bounce.""
  •  Done Oz ^talk 00:54, 8 December 2011 (UTC)

3B

• What are the standards for writing about costumes? I've noticed that the ones on Rihanna's songs tend to have information on what she was wearing, but it seems that it is much more prevalent in this article.
  • It gives readers a further description of her performances. Most GA articles would have it as well. Oz ^talk 00:54, 8 December 2011 (UTC)

6A

• File:Janet Jackson.jpg (the source of your derivative montage) should have better crediting. The source is Flickr, not Jackson. Other than that, the images seem to check out.
  •  Done Oz ^talk 00:54, 8 December 2011 (UTC)

• I have to go out for breakfast, so I'm not done yet. Almost though! Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:26, 8 December 2011 (UTC)

• Alright, this is mostly done. I still want to do a paraphrasing and DAB check later. Crisco 1492 (talk) 02:15, 8 December 2011 (UTC)

• The Rianz reference is down. Crisco 1492 (talk) 02:27, 8 December 2011 (UTC)

• The NZ Singles Chart archives are not working at the moment, should I add the Citation needed template instead? Oz ^talk 02:35, 8 December 2011 (UTC)

• It would keep this on hold; hiding the information cited to the reference would allow it to pass until the archives are working or another reference can be found. Crisco 1492 (talk) 02:40, 8 December 2011 (UTC)

Paraphrasing

• 1 - Perhaps another way to say "came up with"?
• 2 - Fine, although "came up with" is there again.
• 3 - Fine
• 4 -- Seems fine; I can't think of another way to describe the outfit.
• 5 -- Fine
• 6

• Okay, that's it. Just a bit of paraphrasing (barely anything) and the dead link. Crisco 1492 (talk) 02:40, 8 December 2011 (UTC)
  •  Done Oz ^talk 03:37, 8 December 2011 (UTC)
• That's it, I'm happy to pass this as a GA. Crisco 1492 (talk) 03:45, 8 December 2011 (UTC)
  • Thank you. Oz ^talk 03:52, 8 December 2011 (UTC)