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Talk:Poh Ern Shih Temple/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

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Just a few points:

  • One of the links has gone dead.[1]
 Done: Amended to its default domain name instead of its landing site link now. -- Aldwinteo (talk) 09:20, 12 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Venerable Sumangalo helped in rendering Chinese and English nomenclature into Sanskrit ...". I don't think "nomenclature" is the right word here, but even if it is, it needs to be disambiguated.
 Done: Text amended for clarity. -- Aldwinteo (talk) 09:20, 12 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think there's too much detail in the first two paragraphs, most of which is about Bukit Chandu and the battle of Battle of Pasir Panjang. not the temple. "... the British placed heavy artillery guns on Chwee Chian Hill in anticipation of seaborne attacks by the Japanese off the coast of Pasir Panjang." What's the relevance of Chwee Chian Hill? It's unclear to me whether the temple is built on the site of the battle, whether there's one hill or many, and what the relevence is of the fairly extensive description of the history of the area surrounding the temple. Could the first two paragraphs be merged into something more focused?
 Done: Text amended for brevity & clarity as well. -- Aldwinteo (talk) 09:20, 12 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He was widely known as one of the founders, as Acting Chairman of Oversea-Chinese Banking Corporation (OCBC) during the Japanese Occupation." One of the founders of what?
 Done: Lee was one of the co-founders of the OCBC bank, one the Big Four banks in Singapore. He was the Acting Chairman during the Japanese Occupation.[2] Text amended for clarity. -- Aldwinteo (talk) 09:20, 12 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The second phase of the temple is expected to be completed towards the end of 2007 ...". Needs to be updated.
 Done: Details updated. -- Aldwinteo (talk) 09:20, 12 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Pitt was also an active and hardworking Buddhist worker." What does "worker" mean? Worker for what, at what?
 Done: It refers to her active voluntary work in the Buddhist community in Malaysia & S'pore back then. Text amended. -- Aldwinteo (talk) 09:20, 12 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "She was responsible for setting up the Maha Bodhi School in Penang and later in Singapore in 1946 to promote Buddhist education to the young." This needs to be rewritten. I'd suggest something, but I'm not entirely certain I understand what it's trying to say.
 Done: Text amended for clarity. -- Aldwinteo (talk) 09:20, 12 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Can we expand the Building design section a little? What are the plans for the remaining phases?
 Done: Already mentioned or updated what I know to date, as well as the Phase II works, under the 'Buiding Design' section. -- Aldwinteo (talk) 09:20, 12 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'd like to see the lead expanded a little, perhaps by a sentence or two saying what the temple is used for today.
 Done: Lead expanded which includes some mention on its activities to date. -- Aldwinteo (talk) 09:20, 12 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the furniture in Poh Ern Shih for its resident Sangha ..." I know that Sangha is wikilinked, but I think the term needs to be briefly explained in this article.
 Done: Word amended to 'monastics' & is wiki-linked to the 'Sangha' article. -- Aldwinteo (talk) 09:20, 12 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is there nothing more that can be said about the architecture and layout of the temple? I get the impression that the temple itself has not yet been built, only the office complex, but I've got no sense of what size it is. How many storeys? How many people does it house? What's the overall size of the temple complex. Will it consist just of the temple and office building when ita completed? How big is the site?
 Done: PES is already fully built in late 2008 (Phase II). I've added some referenced details to the best of my knowledge as per request. -- Aldwinteo (talk) 09:20, 12 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

That's about it, I'm putting the article on hold now.

--Malleus Fatuorum 22:05, 11 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your review & suggestions mate. -- Aldwinteo (talk) 09:20, 12 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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