Talk:Platon of Banja Luka/GA1

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Vami IV (talk · contribs) 17:33, 17 April 2020 (UTC)

Opening statement

Hello, and come what may from this review, thank you for your contributions to Wikipedia. During the review, I may make copyedits, which I will limit to spelling correction and minor changes to punctuation (removal of double spaces and such). I will only make substantive edits that change the flow and structure of the prose if I previously suggested and it is necessary. The Nominator(s) should understand that I am a grammar pedant, and I will nitpick in the interest of prose quality. For responding to my comments, please use  Done,  Fixed,  Added,  Not done,  Doing..., or  Removed, followed by any comment you'd like to make. I will be crossing out my comments as they are redressed, and only mine. A detailed, section-by-section review will follow. –♠Vami_IV†♠ 17:33, 17 April 2020 (UTC)

Because of the topic and nature of the subject matter, I have carried out a review of the nominator, and have judged them to be sane and neutral, so I will carry out this review. The nominator should still understand that I will make suggestions to make the article more neutral. –♠Vami_IV†♠ 17:33, 17 April 2020 (UTC)

Lead

• followers of the fascist, Croatian nationalist Ustaše movement Shrink to just "followers of the Ustaše movement." You can elaborate on what the Ustaše was in the article prose.
• He served as a military chaplain during both Balkan Wars, as well as in the opening months of World War I. In the Royal Serbian Army?
• Yugoslavia was invaded and occupied Excellent place to link to the invasion of Yugoslavia.
• Church of the Holy Trinity in Banja Luka Can you make a link or inter-language link here?

Biography

• His request to teach at the seminary in Bogoslovija was denied. Instead, he was assigned to a theology school in Aleksinac, where he taught between 1903 and 1906. Condense; this is the first mention of any transfer request.

I've reworded this. What do you think?

• Platon was ordained a bishop Bishop of where?

He was merely elevated to the ecclesiastical position of bishop. Going by the source, he didn't actually become the bishop of any diocese until he was appointed Bishop of Ohrid two years later.

Ah. Can you add that he wasn't assigned a diocese? –♠Vami_IV†♠ 20:06, 23 April 2020 (UTC)

I agree that this would be the proper way to go, but the source doesn't explicitly say this. The first appointment the source mentions after his ordination is Bishop of Ohrid and I tried to reflect that. Amanuensis Balkanicus (talk) 17:44, 25 April 2020 (UTC)

• During the Concordat Crisis, What's the Concordat Crisis?

A major political and religious crisis in pre-war Yugoslavia that arose over the Serbian Orthodox Church's objections to Yugoslavia signing a concordat with the Vatican. Would it suffice if I created a new article on the subject?

Yes, absolutely - but in the mean time, add some context. Briefly explain the crisis, since it's so important to the subject. –♠Vami_IV†♠ 20:06, 23 April 2020 (UTC)

I've added a footnote. What do you think?

• Platon scuffled with the gendarmes. Can you integrate this a little better?

I've reworded this. What do you think?

• priests of his diocese were quarreling among themselves. amongst themselves. And what were they arguing about?

Fixed. The source doesn't say.

• What exactly made so Platon so controversial? Did he have an acidic character; was he strong-willed to a fault?

The sources don't explicitly say, but if I was to guess, then yes. The allegations of misappropriating funds also probably played a part (this part is mentioned in the article).

• All Serbs, Jews and "enemies of the state" working in the public sector had their employment terminated. Their jobs were subsequently allocated to Croats and Bosnian Muslims who were deemed loyal to the regime. Condense.

I've reworded this. What do you think?

• I hardly see why Footnote A is needed.

Removed.

• Đelić, Kovačević and Čondrić first beat the two clerics. Platon's beard was subsequently torn off, his eyes gouged out, and his nose and ears cut off. Pieces of his flesh were removed with a knife and salt was poured on his wounds.[16] A hot iron rod was then driven into his chest.[21] Condense.

I'm not sure how this should be condensed.

I just don't feel we need these details. Consider: Đelić, Kovačević and Čondrić tortured and murdered the two clerics, and mutilated their bodies.

@Vami IV: Normally I'd agree that gratuitous details are uncalled for when describing violent acts in an encyclopedic context, but given that he was declared a martyr and later a saint largely due to the circumstances of his death, I think it's justified. Amanuensis Balkanicus (talk) 17:44, 25 April 2020 (UTC)

Very well. –♠Vami_IV†♠ 21:49, 25 April 2020 (UTC)

• Vrbas River [...] the Vrbas. Should be consistent.

Done.

Referencing

• "Dulic 2011" does not exist.
• No citations point to Hoare 2013.

GA progress

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV () 3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant () Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

Hi, Vami_IV. Thanks for picking up this review. I addressed your comments here . Amanuensis Balkanicus (talk) 19:49, 17 April 2020 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.