Talk:Piper Chapman/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 16:47, 9 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Should have this one to you within a day or two ☯ Jaguar ☯ 16:47, 9 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose is "clear and concise", without copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors:

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. Has an appropriate reference section:

B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:

B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

Initial comments

The lead definitely needs to be expanded at least by another paragraph and a half in order to summarise the article (as well as acting as a "mini article"). Given that Piper is the central character, a lot can be mentioned on her journey through prison and her background. Also a final paragraph can be about her reception - how her character was received by viewers and critics etc
The opening of the lead is slightly choppy. "A bisexual woman (and eventual inmate), she is engaged to Larry Bloom (played by Jason Biggs), has a lesbian past with Alex Vause (Laura Prepon) and is based on Piper Kerman" - seems to 'fast'. Once the lead is expanded, the opening's prose could flow better
"Boston-bred and Smith College grad" - this is not encyclopaedic, did this come from a journal or somebody's Twitter page? Could be better reworded as Born in Boston and graduated from Smith College in Massachusetts
"Kerman got involved in a lesbian relationship with an international drug smuggler who lured her into the life" - furthermore, the opening of this section does not explain that Chapman is based on Kerman
"drug lord and was named 5 years later as part of the drug ring" - five for small figures
"and got engaged before being charged by the feds in 1998 and striking a deal" - feds? This shouldn't be here
"After years of lesbian lifestyle Kerman met Larry Smith" - how is a lesbian lifestyle different?
"Chapman is a WASPy Connecticut" - needs to be elaborated for unfamiliar readers (White Anglo-Saxon Protestant)
Can the Fictional background section be expanded or at least merged? There has to be more information on her real life conterpart? I'll see if I can find any in the mean time as I did once read something on the real story
"who had a cozy life with her nice guy fiance" - not encyclopaedic
I was thinking the Season 1 sub section could be split into at least two paragraphs to achieve a better flow
"Chapman is at odds with prison matriarch Red" - since Red is a nickname, this should be in quotations
"As Red starves Chapman" - doesn't explain why she starved Chapman" - does not explain why she starved her
"the other inmates are too intimidated to help except for Crazy Eyes (Uzo Aduba)" - this can read as read through her real name "Suzanne "Crazy Eyes" Warren"
"Prison guard Sam Healy" - he is not a guard, he is the prison's councillor
"Also in episode 1, "Thirsty Bird", we see Chapman as a young girl" - who is "we"? This should be more neutral. Again later " we find out that Crazy Eyes had run outside and knocked Chapman" - could be reworded to it is later discovered that
"Chapman mingled with Nicky Nichols (Natasha Lyonne)" - ???
Critical commentary could be renamed to "Reception", per norm
Be careful of WP:OVERLINKING at the end of the Critical commentary section

References

The toolserver picks up no dead links
Date formats need to be the same, some are y-m-d and others are d-m-y formats

Close - not listed

I am so sorry to do this, especially as you had to wait so long to have this reviewed. In its current state this article does not meet the GA criteria and there would be too much work to do for this to be put on hold. There are a lot of extracts from this article that is not encyclopaedic, for example "feds" and "bred, grad" etc. This article would have to go under an extensive copyedit and expansion in order to meet the GA criteria. I've watched every Orange is the New Black, and also read some of the real story behind it, thus there can be some more content put in here. The lead also needs to be expanded to summarise the article. I really hate doing this, but please feel free to renominate if these issues have been addressed, I'll be more than happy to take another look at it ☯ Jaguar ☯ 18:20, 11 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]