Talk:Pierre Guillemin

Pierre Guillemin has been listed as one of the Sports and recreation good articles under the good article criteria. If you can improve it further, please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can reassess it.
Review: January 30, 2016. (Reviewed version).

Biography: Military / Sports and Games

	Biography portal This article is within the scope of WikiProject Biography, a collaborative effort to create, develop and organize Wikipedia's articles about people. All interested editors are invited to join the project and contribute to the discussion. For instructions on how to use this banner, please refer to the documentation.BiographyWikipedia:WikiProject BiographyTemplate:WikiProject Biographybiography articles
	This article is supported by the military biography work group (assessed as Low-importance).
	Sports portal This article is supported by the sports and games work group (assessed as Low-importance).

Rugby union Low‑importance

	This article is within the scope of WikiProject Rugby union, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of rugby union on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the discussion and see a list of open tasks.Rugby unionWikipedia:WikiProject Rugby unionTemplate:WikiProject Rugby unionrugby union articles
Low	This article has been rated as Low-importance on the project's importance scale.

Military history: Biography / European / French / World War I

This article is within the scope of the Military history WikiProject. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the project and see a list of open tasks. To use this banner, please see the full instructions.Military historyWikipedia:WikiProject Military historyTemplate:WikiProject Military historymilitary history articles

Associated task forces:
/
	Military biography task force
	European military history task force
	French military history task force
	World War I task force

France Low‑importance

	France portal This article is within the scope of WikiProject France, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of France on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the discussion and see a list of open tasks.FranceWikipedia:WikiProject FranceTemplate:WikiProject FranceFrance articles
Low	This article has been rated as Low-importance on the project's importance scale.

A fact from Pierre Guillemin appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know column on 18 August 2015 (check views). The text of the entry was as follows:

Did you know... that the French rugby union player Pierre Guillemin was criticised by the press for his "remarkable brutality"?

A record of the entry may be seen at Wikipedia:Recent additions/2015/August. The nomination discussion and review may be seen at Template:Did you know nominations/Pierre Guillemin.

Wikipedia

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Pierre Guillemin/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Wugapodes (talk · contribs) 16:46, 14 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Will review. Disclaimer: I am a WP:WIKICUP participant, as is the nominator. Wugapodes (talk) 16:46, 14 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Checklist

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose is "clear and concise", without copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors:

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. Has an appropriate reference section:

B. Cites reliable sources, where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused (see summary style):
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:

B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

Comments

If the comment is numbered, it must be addressed for the article to pass, if it is bulleted, it's an optional suggestion or comment that you don't need to act on right now.
When I quote things, you can use ctrl+f to search the page for the specific line I quoted.

The lead is not very accessible to those who don't understand rugby. I would strongly recommend wikilinks and/or an explanation for a number of the terms like "The Rest of France", "awarded selection", and "try" as I'm not sure what any of those mean.
I have extensively edited the lead to make it more comprehensible. FunkyCanute (talk) 14:09, 30 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]
~~"Despite losing the game 0–19, the press did not consider it a crushing defeat" You never actually said who won.~~
Clarified. FunkyCanute (talk) 14:09, 30 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]
~~"France, just one drop-goal, albeit "magnificent"." What does this mean? The whole sentence is confusing to be honest.~~
Rugby can be confusing to the uninitiated: I've rewritten the sentence. FunkyCanute (talk) 14:09, 30 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]
~~The article read more like a history of the French National Rugby Team than it does a biography of Pierre Guillemin. Of the 5 paragraphs in the 1908-10 subsection, only 2 even mention Guillemin.~~
I'm marking this as resolved because, to reasonable degree, it is. I still feel like the article strays at times, but it is much better. I still recommend a look at the sources to see what more could be said about Guillemin's participation in the games mentioned to see how coverage could continue to be improved.Wugapodes (talk) 21:45, 30 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]
~~"a huge crowd for French rugby" This should be cited if from a source, or removed as original research or puffery.~~
Citation added. FunkyCanute (talk) 14:09, 30 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"The Chronique de la Jeunesse, however, makes numerous mentions of Guillemin's play around the field." You should include those mentions.
Copyedit done. FunkyCanute (talk) 14:09, 30 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]
The last four "paragraphs" of the "Final Seasons" subsection need to be rewritten. They are not "reasonably well written" per the GA criteria as they are basically a list of appearances without any comment.
I've removed some superfluous material. FunkyCanute (talk) 14:09, 30 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]
~~The date formats of the references need to be consistent.~~
Done. FunkyCanute (talk) 14:16, 30 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The early life and death sections are incredibly short. Is there really no more information on the player's early life or military service? If not, can these sections be better integrated so that we don't have two sections with one line of text?

Results

On hold for 7 days with a possible extension if needed. I have a lot of reservations about this article, most notably the lack of information on his early life and military service. But also the lack of focus of the career section and its reading like a history of the French National Team. I think a good deal of work needs to be done, but I think it can be done. Let me know if you have questions or comments. Wugapodes (talk) 17:30, 14 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

My apologies, I haven't made any progress: I've only just seen this, as there wasn't a message left on my talk page. If you wouldn't mind leaving for an additional 7 days, I'll get on to it and ensure all is covered off. FunkyCanute (talk) 15:04, 20 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

In fact, this is clearly untrue, I just hadn't seen it. Nevertheless, if I could have further time, I'd be grateful. FunkyCanute (talk) 15:09, 20 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hold Extended 7 days. Wugapodes (talk) 16:50, 20 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@FunkyCanute: Have you had time to look at this yet? I'll extend the hold a few more days to give you time to respond to the ping, but if I don't hear from you in the next couple of days I'm going to close the review. Wugapodes (talk) 01:26, 29 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Listed As mentioned above, I do think the sources should be consulted as I'm not sure how comprehensive it is. But of course that's not a GA problem. A well written article no less, and one I found very interesting. Thanks for the contribution and keep up the good work! Wugapodes (talk) 21:45, 30 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Some updates needed

Note left on my talk page on fr.wikipedia:

Bonjour FunkyCanute, désolé je ne maitrise pas assez The English pour discuter dans cette langue. Concernant Pierre Guillemin j'ai modifié le texte français pour corriger une confusion entre Pierre-Jean-Félix Guillemin est né le 14 juin 1886 à Fallowfield (Angleterre) et Pierre-Auguste-Ferdinand-Gabriel Guillemin né le 13 septembre 1887 à Bonneveaux (Doubs). Tu peux retrouver le livret militaire de Pierre-Jean-Félix Guillemin avec la référence dans le texte français. Cordialement. Roland DIDIER

Also note the regiment, date of death, and place of death are different. Details: Obituary

McCrery makes many mistakes in Into Touch, as I've seen on other bios, so tread carefully.

I will update/correct when I get a chance, or feel free to do so.

FunkyCanute (talk) 07:15, 9 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]