Talk:Philip Treacy/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 15:18, 15 April 2020 (UTC)

Comments

• "haute couture milliner," sea of blue.
  •  Done
• No need to link places like London.
  •  Done
• Move footnotes and references out of the lead.
  •  Done
• "Paris haute couture shows" what are these? Is there a link? Do they have a name?
  •  Done - added WP link
• Could link "fascinator".
  •  Done
• "wearing his own creation" surely "one of his own creations"?
  •  Done
• Is his preferred "hat-designer" hyphenated (per lead) or not (per infobox)?
  •  Done, no hyphen needed
• No need to link "wedding".
  •  Done
• Isn't Catholic capitalised?
  •  Done
• "a 6-week" six-week.
  •  Done
• 1987 graduation from NCAD isn't mentioned in the prose.
  •  Done
• "Treacy designed" I think it would read better with "had" in there.
  •  Done
• "record attendance" record for what?
  •  Done, took this out, the source calls it "record", but does not clarify what it means.
• "Blow. [..] " check MOS:ELLIPSIS and MOS:QUOTE 'cos that don't look quite right to me?
  •  Done, replaced with  ...
• "In 1991, Treacy, aged.... " this sentence has too many run-ons for me.
  •  Done - re-structured this sentence
• Not sure why so much reasonable and relevant detail has been confined to footnotes?
  •  Done, agree on reflection - have added all of g and some of b into the article.
• "his first of five" -> "the first of his five"?
  •  Done
• "In 1993, Treacy" quick repeat style, why not "Two years later, he ..."?
  •  Done
• "Treacy designed the Beauxbatons hats for Harry Potter in 2005" this is a sentence so takes a full stop, and do you really mean to link to the franchise rather than the movie series, or better still, the actual movie?
  •  Done
• Harvey Nicks doesn't need italics.
  •  Done
• Le Bon, not le Bon.
  •  Done
• "which were all " => "all of which were"
  •  Done
• "right beside Isabella " -> "next door to..."?
  •  Done
• McQueen is overlinked.
  •  Done
• " Givenchy Haute Couture " if this is one thing, don't double link it. If this isn't one thing, haute couture isn't capitalised.
  •  Done, no need for haute couture here
• Lagerfeld and Chanel overlinked.
  •  Done
• "Rifat Ozbek " our article has no diacritic.
  •  Done
• "of haute couture," now in small, and italics. Overlnked.
  •  Done, re-worked sentence
• "ncluding Harry Potter" should be something like "including the Harry Potter film series".
  •  Done
• The Goblet of Fire should be italics.
  •  Done
• And for its proper title, it ought to be spelt out: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
  •  Done
• "premières" no accent required.
  •  Done
• Not only does the Super Bowl 2012 show have an article, it's a good one - see Super Bowl XLVI halftime show.
  •  Done, nice one !
• "telephone-shaped headpiece with a removable handset" etc why italics?
  •  Done
• " Friday Night with Jonathan Ross " italics.
  •  Done
• 2010 Grammys also can be found at 52nd Annual Grammy Awards.
  •  Done
• Naomi overlinked.
  •  Done
• Hurricane tour could be linked per Hurricane (Grace Jones album)#The Hurricane Tour.
  •  Done, wow, amazing what WP has :)
• "Treacy had previously written a piece for The Guardian" any reason this is in the Wider fashion section?
  •  Question: I wondered what to do with this as I didn't have a natural section for it – I felt "wider fashion" was the least-worst, and comes deeper into the article when it is more interesting to have him reflect on his work? I don't have a conviction on this either way?
• "the 29 April 2011 Royal wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton,[34] i" I would simply do "the Wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton."
  •  Done
• "on the 22 " no need for the.
  •  Done
• "Radio 4 Desert Island Discs interview" -> "Desert Island Discs interview on BBC Radio 4"
  •  Done
• "Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge" is overlinked (unless you took my advice three points back).
  •  Done, I did !
• Megan is Meghan.
  •  Done
• And given the preceding luminaries, you could just say Meghan, Duchess of Sussex.
  •  Done
• "the Queen with" I'd be explicit and call her Elizabeth II.
  •  Done
• Awards and Personal life slip a little into proseline.
  •  Done, reworked these sections
• " In April 2006, he was awarded a Doctorate of Fine Arts" infobox said 2004.
  •  Done, it is 2006
• You abbreviate UCD but never use it.
  •  Done, gone
• note g needs reference.
  •  Done, now note f
• " Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall" is overlinked.
  •  Done
• "he Metropolitan Museum of Art" overlinked.
  •  Done
• "Grace Jones " overlinked.
  •  Done
• Why those specific four milliners for the See also?
  •  Done, reduced it to the two main other British milliners
• Avoid SHOUTING in ref titles.
  •  Done
• A couple of spaced hyphens in the refs should be en-dashes (38, 52).
  •  Done
• Category says he's from Ballinasloe but that's not mentioned explicitly, other than in ref 1.
  •  Done, inserted into the body, my understanding is that his tiny village of Ahascragh, would be considered part of wider Ballinasloe in Ireland.

That's it for me, so it's on hold for now. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 12:55, 17 April 2020 (UTC)

Reply

Many thanks again The Rambling Man, for a very thorough review and great comments. I have been able to address them all, and just have one question above? Look forward to hearing from you. Britishfinance (talk) 15:46, 17 April 2020 (UTC)

All good, I'm happy to promote it. Nice work. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 08:54, 18 April 2020 (UTC)

Thank you for that! Britishfinance (talk) 09:25, 18 April 2020 (UTC)