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Talk:Philadelphia Flyers–Ottawa Senators brawl/GA1

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 07:32, 1 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]


Comments (note, outside my comfort zone, knowing zero about NHL but article looked interesting!)

  • "in a league-record for" don't think this needs to be hyphenated, if it said "in a league-record number of minutes" it would be...
    • Changed as suggested.
  • "The 213 minutes assessed against Philadelphia were also a record" was also a record?
    • Changed as suggested.
  • "as were the " was? the record is singular.
    • Changed as suggested.
  • " incidents were precipitated by an incident" repetitive.
    • Changed to "events were precipitated by an incident".
  • "of the hockey game" is hockey needed here?
    • Removed.
  • "got involved" strong dislike for "got", perhaps "became"?
    • Changed as suggested.
  • "The first instance angered..." sorry, which first instance?
    • Changed to "The first of these angered.." Does that make any more sense? (It might not.)
  • "late February" now I think that should be hyphenated.
    • Changed as suggested.
  • Is there a link for "high-sticking"?
    • Yup, added.
  • "leaving their crease as well as fighting majors" bit jargon loaded here, not helpful for non-experts.
    • I added a link for "leaving their crease" and "fighting". Major penalty was already linked to in the background section.
  • "face-off" is linked somewhat late in the article...
    • It is linked in the lead, and then the first usage in the body.
  • "Within 24 second of" missing s.
    • Oops. Added.
  • "a misconduct and double game misconduct" again, jargon heavy, no links, help!!
    • Added a link for "misconduct". "Game misconduct" is already linked. Should I put a note to explain the "double"?
  • " that the Senators "knew we had to fight back.... " now, in this quote I would think that you should replace "we" with "[they]" so the sentence (including the part before the quote) makes grammatical sense.
    • Changed as suggested.
  • "with lots of" with many, with numerous, just something a little more toned than "lots of".
    • Changed as suggested.
  • "head coach, Jacques Martin. However, he was restrained by Flyers Public Relations Director Zack Hill.." merge, to "... Martin, but was restrained..."
    • Reworked this a bit, how is it now?
  • "despite some bluster" is this encyclopedic?
    • Nope, changes to "despite some claims"
  • Any reason why the score in the Box score table is in bold?
    • It's the way it's done in all the hockey article with that table. I made it plain text though.
  • "Number in parenthesis " -> parentheses.
    • Oops. Fixed.
  • Be consistent with linking player's names in the penalty table, e.g. you relink Fisher, but not Somik for some reason.
    • Oops. Fixed.
  • "John LeClair" not "John Leclair"
    • Oops. Fixed.

Very interesting read. A whole different world... I'll put it on hold to look at these quibbles, nothing major though. The Rambling Man (talk) 08:08, 1 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@The Rambling Man: Thanks for the review. It's something different to cricket, that's for sure! I've addressed each of your points. Harrias talk 08:50, 3 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Good stuff, I have no problems with your fixes, so I'm happy to promote to GA. Nice work. The Rambling Man (talk) 12:59, 3 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
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