Talk:Perfect Dark Zero/GA2

GA Review

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I'll be reviewing the article over the next few days. Below you will find the standard GAN criteria, along with a list of issues I have found. As criteria pass, a or will be replaced with a . Below the criteria you'll see a list of issues I've found. Feel free to work on them at any time. I will notify you when I'm done checking over the article. At that time I'll allow the standard one week for fixes to be made.

Criteria

GA review (see here for criteria)

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose quality:

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. References to sources:

B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:

B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail: PASS

Issues found

Lead "Overall, the actual development of the game took five years to complete." - this should be in the prose. If it is and I haven't yet seen it, the reference should be moved to the prose per WP:LEADCITE.
Lead "1 million" --> "one million". Numbers below ten should be spelled out, over ten written as a number
Plot - rename the section to Synopsis, as it covers both the plot and characters. Also, the two paragraphs are long. See if you can convert it to three paragraphs close to the same length.
Gameplay - why is the image of the laptop gun needed? If you're wanting to demonstrate typical gameplay I suggest finding a multiplayer screenshot and putting it in the Multiplayer section per WP:MOSIMAGES (they're really close).
Development - the Spaceworld 2000 render of Joanna is definitely unneeded. It's a non-free image of very poor quality.
Reception - this section could use beefing up. I'd say it should match the length of the reviews table. You might find it easier to reorganize things by element, such as campaign, multiplayer, graphics, sound, character design, etc - rather than one "good" and one "bad" paragraph. I started doing this recently and found it tons easier to flesh out content.
~~References~~

~~What makes Perfect Dark Recon a reliable source?~~
~~Same question for MundoRare~~
~~Publisher fixes - IGN should be just IGN instead of IGN.com, IGN UK, etc. Game Rankings should be GameRankings. XBOX should be Xbox.~~
~~Refs 52 and 54 should be reorganized to match the other refs using {{Cite web}}~~

External links - change Perfect Dark Zero at Xbox.com to Perfect Dark Zero at xbox.com
External links - categories should be alphabetical
Image - ":File:Pdz firefight.jpg's caption should not be "this is what's happening in the image" per WP:CAPTION. I've also moved it to the Multiplayer section to prevent image overlap on large monitors. Simply change the caption to talk about a feature of the game rather than telling us what's in the image. Take a look at Hydro Thunder Hurricane for examples.
Gameplay - "such as the CamSpy (a hovering remote-controlled camera) or the Datathief (a tool used to hack into electronic devices)." Remove the parentheses, replace them with a simple set of commas. Parentheses should typically not be used.
Multiplayer - the scenarios should not be in quotations, nor have any sort of specific identifier other than a capital letter
Multiplayer - "and within each mode, there are four different gametypes (scenarios)." Same situation. The only permissible instance is "(e.g. capture the Flag and territorial gains)"
Development - "The cartoony style of these pictures incited speculation that the final game — then intended for the original Xbox — would employ a less realistic graphical style than the original game; possibly an anime like cel-shading technique (Rare had hired UK Manga artist Wil Overton to work with them, after seeing an anime-like image of the original Perfect Dark game he had created for the cover of N64 Magazine)." This is an extremely long sentence, and the parentheses need to go
Updates - "Additionally, on October 31, 2006, Rare announced that a special platinum edition of Perfect Dark Zero would be released, which would include the first map pack and two additional maps (the latter available to download for free on the Xbox Live Marketplace)." Parentheses need to go, modify text to accommodate it.
Soundtrack "In addition to Clynick's score, the soundtrack also contains two tracks from MorissonPoe (a New York based eclectic rock band)" Parentheses need to go, modify text to accommodate it.
Development - "Soon afterward, some reports further suggested the development of the game with Rare applying to trademark the name" - name --> names. Should be plural
Development - paragraphs 3 and 4 can be combined
Updates and downloadable content - "It cost 500 Microsoft Points and contained" cost --> costs

Reviewer: Teancum (talk) 01:45, 15 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for reviewing the article. I will fix the issues when I can, though I don't have too much time on my hands this week.

Fixed Plot section --Niwi3 (talk) 22:48, 15 December 2010 (CET)
Fixed minor issues --Niwi3 (talk) 23:14, 15 December 2010 (CET)
Fixed some reference issues --Niwi3 (talk) 23:32, 15 December 2010 (CET)

Just so you know, the reviewer typically will do the strikeouts on tasks completed once they've verified they're done (if they're an editor that does that sort of thing). --Teancum (talk) 00:02, 16 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Oops, sorry --Niwi3 (talk) 01:08, 16 December 2010 (CET)

I'm done - I'll give the obligatory one week for improvements from this timestamp. --Teancum (talk) 01:49, 16 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I've fixed most of the issues, though I have some questions for the remaining ones:

Should I remove the MundoRare reference? I think it does not provide much more additional info.

Yes, remove it

Same question for reference 23 (PDR - A History Lesson), the 5-year development cycle is already mentioned in the lead of ref 11 (Interview with Duncan Botwood)

Yes, remove it

Whould it be a good idea to simply remove the second gameplay screenshot? It's hard to find a good caption that matches the screenshot.

Yes, remove it

Beefing up the reception section will have to wait until next week, as I have time. --Niwi3 (talk) 13:51, 16 December 2010 (CET)

I've added responses to your question's above --Teancum (talk) 21:49, 16 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Done. I assume the only issue left is that the Reception section could use beefing up. As I said before, I'll see what I can do with it next week. Nevertheless, if there are still more issues, let me know. --Niwi3 (talk) 00:23, 17 December 2010 (CET)

Found more issues with parentheses, I've noted them above. Other than that and the Reception section I think we're good. Fix those up and it'll pass. Just remember to write the reception talking about features, rather than "so and so gave 5/5"-type comments. --Teancum (talk) 00:49, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Done (Removed Parentheses and extended reception section). Again, if there are more issues, let me know. --Niwi3 (talk) 12:26, 19 December 2010 (CET)

Great job. I'm passing the article now! --Teancum (talk) 18:09, 19 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]