Talk:Penny Pritzker/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Slightlymad (talk · contribs) 05:25, 6 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@Knope7: I will be doing this. Slightlymad 05:25, 6 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

General comments

Resolved

Lede

97-1 → en dash not hyphen
US $2.4 billion → $2.4 billion
These need a comma:

As of October 2015
In 2009

done Knope7 (talk) 01:07, 7 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Early life

Penny has two younger brothers, Tony (born 1961) and J.B. (born 1965). → I would shorten born to "b" by inserting this template, {{abbr|b.|born}}
→ "He moved", since Donald is the focus of the preceding sentence anyway.
In 1972 → needs comma
Separate "A.N." with this non-break space template, {{nbsp}}
She earned an AB in Economics → drop the abbreviation, and academic fields are not capitalized in the encyclopedia
JD and an MBA → unabbreviate

done Knope7 (talk) 01:12, 7 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Pritzker family businesses

Need commas:

In 1989
In 2000
In July 2001
In 2009
In 2011

The retirement of Jay Pritizker in 1995 → "In 1995, the retirement of Jay Pritizker...", consistent with your preferred prose style

Mostly done. It looks like another editor made some copy editing changes earlier in the day. I will also note that this article as copy edited before it was nominated. Knope7 (talk) 01:21, 7 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Government and political involvement

CNN reported Pritzker → CNN reported "that" Pritzker?

done Knope7 (talk) 01:29, 7 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Personal life

Pritzker is married to ophthalmologist Bryan Traubert. The couple has two children. → "Pritzker is married to ophthalmologist Bryan Traubert, with whom she has two children."
Separate J.B. with this non-break space template, {{nbsp}}

done Knope7 (talk) 01:57, 7 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Notes

Unsourced

the footnote comes right before the citation in the body of the article. I can add a second citation though. Knope7 (talk) 01:57, 7 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

References

FNs 13, 20, 38, and 59 are linkrots
Gratuitous capitalization of authors at FN 30
These citations need a minor tweak. I would eliminate those triple-Ws from the |website= parameter and just type in the name of the publication/website from where they were retrieved in the |work= (e.g. www.artnews.com → ARTnews; tribunedigital-chicagotribune → Chicago Tribune)

Add archives to FNs 13, 20, and 59. Archive cannot be located for FN 38, but there are already 2 citations for the sentence it supports and I don't think every link needs to be working for a Good Article. I don't quite know what you are referring to with the website parameter. Is that within the GA criteria? Knope7 (talk) 02:36, 7 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Should be fixed in no time. Slightlymad 05:25, 6 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

I did some slight copyedit and I've resolved the remainder of the issues I raised as I don't think I made myself clear about them. I shall now mark this as a pass given that there's no more problems with the article. Good work. Slightlymad 05:46, 7 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]