Talk:Paz Vizsla/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 14:05, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

"Favreau also previously voiced the similarly-named Pre Vizsla, a Mandalorian warlord in the computer-animated television series Star Wars: The Clone Wars." - Think this sentence is out of place for the lead
- I tried paring it down a little bit. Let me know if you think this is better, or if it should still just be removed from the lead altogether. — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  - Somewhat better MWright96 (talk) 07:06, 23 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I think the whole paragraph could be divided into two for better readability
- Done. — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"and although the Empire has fallen out of power by this time, the clan has not yet regained its former status or power." - repetition of "power"
- Removed "or power" so that the sentence now ends simply with "former status". — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"when the Mandalorian is attacked by multiple bounty hunters after rescued" - after he
- Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"Paz Vizla is physically imposing, displaying great height and tremendous strength,[4][9][13] He is tough and aggressive,[7][14]" - major punctuation error
- Reworked the sentence so I think this is fixed; I think the new sentence flows better anyway. — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"This is demonstrated by his willingness to place his own safety and the safety of his tribe" - close repetition of "safety"
- Reworded. — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"of The Mandalorian.[17][18][16]" - please put the references in numerical order
- Done. — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"on the computer-animated television series Star Wars: The Clone Wars," - try not to have too many wikilinks close together per MOS:OVERLINK
- I took out the wikilink for "animated television series", which probably wasn't necessary anyway since "computer animation" basically covers it. — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"Inverse writer Jake Kleinman called a "fan-favorite character" " - called him
- Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"particularly describing his salute in particular" - words in bold are unneeded
- Removed. — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"A headline for a /Film story by Ethan Anderton described him as called him an" - the words in bold are unneeded
- Oops, yes. Dropped. — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Maybe add a wikilink for Baby Yoda?
- I already wikilink The Child in the first sentence of the second paragraph of the Appearances section so I didn't think another was appropriate here, but if you disagree I can add it. — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  - No disagreement here MWright96 (talk) 07:06, 23 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"The figure is 12.5 inches (32 cm) in height," - use abbr=on in the convert template
- Added. — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"Hasbro also released a six-inch action figure of Paz" - how about using the convert template on the text in bold?
- Done. — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Think you may want to consider archiving the sources that do not have archive links for consistency
- I ran the IABot interface to archive the links and it says that it's worked, but they haven't updated yet. I'll check back later and if it hasn't archived the links, I'll try again. — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Reference 2 is actually Den of Geek not IGN
- Oops! Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Shouting (MOS:CAPS) should be avoided in Reference 24
- Lower-cased it. — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Will put the review on hold to allow the editor to address/query all the points raised above. MWright96 (talk) 15:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]