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Talk:Paul Klee/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: TonyTheTiger (talk · contribs) 23:43, 29 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I will do this review.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:43, 29 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

WP:LEAD
  • There should be an opening statement describing his notable roles: I.e., he was a painter, sculptor, draftsman, teacher, etc.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:38, 7 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • There should be a statement of the notable results of each of these roles. I.e., enumerate notable works and then expound upon this list with more detail in the main text.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:38, 7 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • This is an extremely long article (23,638 characters of readable prose) for a 1003-character one-paragraph LEAD. Please make sure that a summary of each section of the article is included in the LEAD. I expect something closer to three or four paragraphs and between 2500 and 3000 characters.--TonyTheTiger (T/C

/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 15:49, 2 December 2012 (UTC)

Early life and training
Affiliation to the "Blaue Reiter", 1911
Trip to Tunis, 1914
Military career
  • Since I don't know this artist well and can't remember what his ethnicity is, you need to tell me what "reserve forces". It seems like this should be affiliated with some military force that has a link if not be a link itself. There must be a Fooian army or something that this reserve force is affiliated with.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:17, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Mature career
Death
Style and methods
  • Many of the points in this section should be made by example of notable works. E.g., several exmaples should illustrate the following points: "Many of his works and their titles reflect his dry humor and varying moods; some express political convictions. They frequently allude to poetry, music and dreams and sometimes include words or musical notation. The later works are distinguished by spidery hieroglyph-like symbols."--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:04, 9 December 2012 (UTC
Works
Mystical-abstract period, 1914–1919
Works in the Bauhaus period and in Dusseldorf
Last works in Switzerland
Contemporary view on Paul Klee
Musical interpretations
Architectural honours

When is User:Tomcat7/Sandbox7 going to be incorporated into this article? If this review does not start to move forward again soon, I will have to fail it.--

I will finish the work by tomorrow. Regards.--Tomcat (7) 16:21, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Just going to chime in here with the newly added chunk of prose that needs fixes.

"Some of Klee's early preserved children's drawings, to which his grandmother encouraged, were listed on his catalogue raisonné." - Wouldn't it be childhood drawings? Why do we need the comment about his grandmothers encouragement?

"]]. A total of 19 etchings were produced during the Bern years; ten of these were made between 1903 and 1905 in the cycle "Inventionen" (Inventions)," - The sentence seems to be disjoined from the context, but that's just my opinion.

"Klee's solitary early work ended when he met in 1910 graphic artist and illustrator Alfred Kubin, who inspired Klee." Prose issues. 'when he met' is out of place. But the end is also awkward and feels lamely attached on and is again subjective.

"During his twelve-day educational trip to Tunis in April 1914 Klee produced with Macke and Moilliet watercolour paintings, which implement the strong light and colour stimulus of the North African countryside in the fashion of Paul Cézanne and Robert Delaunays' cubistic form concepts." Should be at least two sentences here, an extra comma or two and a bit of clean up for clarity. It just runs together.

"Under the impression of his military service he created the painting Trauerblumen (Velvetbells) in 1917, which, with his graphical signs, vegetal and phantastic shapes, is a forerunner of his future works, harmonically combining graphic, colour and object." Where did this come from? I do not believe that Tomcat7 wrote this.

"In the 1918 watercolour painting Einst dem Grau der Nacht enttaucht, a compositional implemented poem, possible written by Klee, he incorporated letters in small, in terms of colour separated squares, cutting off the first verse from the second one with silver paper." This is about right... again bad prose.

"Here, Klee did not lean on Delaunay's colours, but on Marc's, although the picture content of both painters does not correspond with each other." Sounds a bit original research without a source when the they do not 'correspond with each other'.

" After being named defamatory in the Munich exhibtion "Entartete Kunst", the painting was later bought by the Buchholz Gallery, New York, and then transferred in 1939 to the Museum of Modern Art." First part is confusing. 'named defamatory?'

"The watercolour painting appears at a first glance childish, but it allows more interpretations. The picture can be interpreted as a critic by Klee, who shows through denaturation of the birds, that the world technization heist the creatures' self-determination" Both sentences need prose work, but the last part is going to confuse just about any reader.

" The self-portrait in the same year – with the programmatic title von der Liste gestrichen (removed from the list) – provides information about his feeling after losing professorship." Bad metaphor here with 'programmatic title', many interpretations.

"The abstract portrait was painted in dark colours and shows closed eyes and compressed lips, while on the back part of his head there is a large "X", symbolizing that his art was no longer worth in Germany." The last portion after "X", has prose issues.

I'll stop now, but that is just a quick read through of errors I found with the prose. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 18:45, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I have tired of nudging the nominator to respond to concerns here. The article has been vastly improved by responses thus far and content added, but many issues remain. This article should be renominated at a later date. I am now FAILing this article.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:11, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
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