Talk:Parkala massacre/GA1
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Reviewer: Catrìona (talk · contribs) 12:37, 13 August 2018 (UTC)
Please comment individually under each of my comments and mark with 
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Removed, followed by any comment you'd like to make. Catrìona (talk) 12:37, 13 August 2018 (UTC)
The Jallianwala Bagh massacre was a major turning point for the Indian freedom struggle when a British General, Reginald Dyer, marched into Jallianwala Bagh and ordered his troops to fire on peaceful protesters, killing 379 and injuring 1,200.
There is probably a more neutral way to phrase this. "Independence movement" is probably better than "freedom struggle," for instance. Also, "general" should not be capitalized here.
- Changed "Independence movement" is probably better than "freedom struggle," and removed capitalization in "General".
the farmers decided to mark and celebrate the occasion by hoisting the national flag
—this is unnecessary in context, "the farmers hoisted the national flag" is sufficient
- I think that would be inaccurate because the farmers 'intended' to hoist the flag but they were prevented from doing so.
- Right now it's unclear whether they managed to raise the flag or not. Perhaps something like, "They tried to raise the Indian flag, but were prevented by the police"
- I think that would be inaccurate because the farmers 'intended' to hoist the flag but they were prevented from doing so.
the people of Hyderabad State
—was it really all people in Hyderabad or just some people? Were there social groups that opposed union with India?
- The sources say people in general against the oppressive regime of the then ruler Nizam and his army of Razakars.
abused women
—can you be more specific here?
- Some sources mention "molest" some use "rape".
- I think "sexually assault" would be better than what you have there.
- Updated it. --Gian ❯❯ Talk 09:35, 14 August 2018 (UTC)
- I think "sexually assault" would be better than what you have there.
- Some sources mention "molest" some use "rape".
- Optional but highly recommended—adding an infobox. Template:Infobox civilian attack or Template:Infobox event would both be suitable.
- I haven't worked with infobox before, but thanks for the suggestion, let me give it a try. --Gian ❯❯ Talk 15:06, 13 August 2018 (UTC)
- Added one infobox. --Gian ❯❯ Talk 06:44, 22 August 2018 (UTC)
Are there any pictures of the protests? If not, are there any contemporary pictures of Parkala?
- There are no pictures of the protest, it was long time back... there are contemporary pictures of the monument but I can't spot a free one, all seem to be licensed by copies of different news agency. I will keep looking. --Gian ❯❯ Talk 09:35, 14 August 2018 (UTC)
You should mention somewhere that Hyderabad State was eventually absorbed by India in 1948.- What, if any, was the connection between protests and unrest such as this incident with India's decision to annex Hyderabad State?
- One view is that the ongoing persecution (religious and otherwise) convinced the then Indian PM Nehru to pursue a discussion to merge Hyderabad into the Indian state for reasons of regional peace and stability. --Gian ❯❯ Talk 06:44, 22 August 2018 (UTC)
Ok @Gbohoadgwwian: we're almost done here. If you can confirm that you're OK with my last prose edit and fix the citations, either by removing the least reliable one in both cases or bundling them, then I'll pass the article. Catrìona (talk) 19:48, 22 August 2018 (UTC)
- Thanks Catrìona, I have removed one citation, moved some closer to the source they backup. I am okay with the prose edit that you made. --Gian ❯❯ Talk 11:11, 23 August 2018 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
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