Talk:Paparazzi (Girls' Generation song)/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 14:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, I'm Cartoon network freak and here's my review for this article:

Lead

"Paparazzi" is a Japanese song recorded by South Korean girl group Girls' Generation for their second Japanese studio album, Girls & Peace (2012). -> "Paparazzi" is a song recorded in Japanese language by South Korean girl group Girls' Generation for their sophomore studio album, Girls & Peace (2012).

Not done — Changed the first clause, but is "sophomore" really makes the article better? I mean, this is only GA, so the term "second studio album" is acceptable

Unlink lead single

Done

Miles Walker, "Paparazzi" was described as an electropop and R&B song. -> Miles Walker, the track was named an electropop and R&B recording.

Not done — "described" is acceptable

and Hey! Hey! Hey! Music Champ. A music video for the song directed by Toshiyuki Suzuki premiered on June 10, 2012. -> and Hey! Hey! Hey! Music Champ, while a music video directed by Toshiyuki Suzuki premiered on June 10, 2012 in order to accompany the release of "Paparazzi".

previous Japanese single "Mr. Taxi" in 2011.-> previous Japanese-language single, "Mr. Taxi" (2011).

Done

It was -> The track was

Done — But I still don't get why "It" is not suitable

The single was -> Furthermore, the single was

Not done — The two sentences do not have any link with each other

Japan, peaking -> Japan, with it peaking

Not done — could you explain more why "peaking" only is not suitable? I don't get it

two on the -> two on both the

Done

It received certifications from the Recording Industry Association of Japan on two bases–physical sales (gold) and digital download (gold). -> "Paparazzi" was certified Gold in Japan for the sales of the single's digital and physical release, respectively.

Done — Simon (talk) 10:51, 16 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Recording and release

~~"Paparazzi" is a Japanese song described as a hybrid of electropop and R&B. -> "Paparazzi" is a song recorded in Japanese language, which was described as a hybrid of electropop and R&B.~~

Done

Unlink "Japanese language"

Done

Becker, and produced by American producer Miles Walker. -> Becker, while production was handled by American producer Miles Walker

Done

The song was released -> The track was released (you've already used "song" before)

Done

If you say "Japanese song", it sounds like the recording has an identity; change it to "Japanese language"

Done

studio album Girls & Peace -> studio album, Girls & Peace (2012)

Done

"Paparazzi" was also released in Hong Kong, Taiwan, and South Korea in mid-2012 -> The release of "Paparazzi" as well reached Hong Kong...

~~Done~~

Promotion

~~the group dressed -> the group was dressed~~

Y Changed to "wore"

connect the two paragraphs

Done

The music video -> An accompanying music video

Done Yet I still think "accompanying" is superfluous

performing the choreography -> performing a choreography

Done

Girls' Generation. The show begins -> Girls' Generation, with the show beginning

Not done I used semicolon instead

They dance in-> Subsequently, the band dance sporting

Not done "Subsequently"? It doesn't fit here

outfits–the -> outfits – the

Done

Remove "the" in both cases for the outfits

Done

routines as -> routines for their

~~Done~~

Reception

~~Unlink music critics here and in the lead; do the same with certified gold in the lead~~

Not done I don't know why they should be unlinked

Hadfield writing for the Tokyo edition of Time Out compared -> Hadfield, writing for the Tokyo edition of Time Out, compared

Done

previous Japanese single -> the same as above

Done

single "Mr. Taxi" (2011) and -> single, "Mr. Taxi" (2011), and

Not done I did change the sentence but not as above

the 2011 single -> the latter single

Done

Connect all three paragraphs

Not done Why? Three different ideas are presented and there is no connection between them

was a commercial -> remained a commercial

Not done What's wrong with "was"?

Japan. It debuted -> Japan, debuting

Done

Oricon Singles Chart on the chart issue dated -> Oricon Singles Chart issued for

Not done The current wording is fine for me

physical copies of 2012 on the Oricon chart, selling selling 136,181 copies. -> physical release of 2012 on the Oricon chart, with it bringing total sales of 136,181 shipments

Done

rose to the -> rose up to the

Done

It ranked [...] on the year-end chart of 2012.-> "Paparazzi" ranked at [...] on that chart's year-end chart of 2012.; you've already used "it" before

Done

It also charted -> The track as well charted

Done

number five -> at number five

Not done the preposition "at" was already included beforehand

on the -> remove "the"

Not done similar to "the Billboard Hot 100", "the Billboard Japan Hot 100" etc.

and number two -> and at number two

Not done As above

sold 103,000 -> sold a total of 103,000

Not done Superfluous. — Simon (talk) 13:33, 17 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Credits and personnel

~~Credits adapted from "Paparazzi" CD liner notes -> Credits adapted from the CD issue's liner notes~~

Charts

~~U.S. -> US~~

~~Done~~

Release history

~~Unlink digital download, CD & DVD; its overfous~~

~~The catalog number section is not really needed and remains, as well, overflous~~

Done — Simon (talk)

@HĐ: Outcome: On-hold for 7 days. Good luck! -Cartoon network freak (talk) 13:44, 16 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you so much for the review. Though some points to me are quite superfluous, the review is very appreciated. Best regards, — Simon (talk) 13:36, 17 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@HĐ: Passing the article! Congratulations... Cartoon network freak (talk) 14:56, 17 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.