Talk:Pan-Africanism in Kenya

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Feedback: I think you have done a great job in creating this needed article about Kenya! I am impressed by how you have divided each section clearly. You generally keep a neutral tone throughout the article which is important and well done. I also like how you concluded the article with more recent findings and information about Pan-Africanism. It puts the topic in modern context which is really interesting (my only suggestion here is that maybe you can add a specific date or year for when these things occurred like the recent congress). Overall, nice job!

My suggestions: 1. Your lead does not need to have a header to it so you may consider taking it away. 2. Definitely highlight/ link terms to other Wikipedia pages like Marcus Garvey and W.E.B Du Bois. 3. Stay consistent with your spelling of pan-Africanism (either use or don't use the dash -- not sure which is correct??). Similarly for your headings and when you speak about Kenyatta stick to using just his last name or his full name rather than bouncing between the two. 4. This line could be considered slightly bias but I am not totally sure because I think it's definitely a strong line: "it would be Kenyatta who would actualize the movement's real potential in Kenya" -- The following sentence is great though! Very strong and well-written. ~ Lily

This page is very thorough and has a lot of very relevant details to the topic while remaining neutral. My main comment is mainly a formatting one and it may just be me but perhaps Jomo Kenyatta, Kenyatta's Pan African Philosophies, and Jomo Kenyatta's Legacy sections should be given the "paragraph" option while everything else is a subheading instead of everything being a subheading. i think this would help make the distinction between different parts of relevant information stand out more. Other than that your references look good and I think you're on your way to a very well done page! Fallof00 (talk) 23:25, 30 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

A very good start. I think you have incorporated a great deal of research, the citations are well done and frequent, and you've done a good job maintaining the neutral point of view. I would suggest having a look at some of the language used, because some of the sentences come across in a narrative voice rather than an encyclopedic voice, which can be a difficult balance to strike. As Lily mentioned, the "Pan Africa" vs "Pan-Africa" vs "Pan-African" is sometimes inconsistent, so just be careful about that. Well written though, and it's clear that you've thoroughly researched your topic.Frankiesheehy (talk) 18:32, 13 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Comment from New Page Patroller

Hi thanks for writing this article. In its current state I don’t think it addresses the topic in the title at all. It tells us something about Kenyatta and his views but here are some of the things missing:

Is there an organised Pan-Africanist party/movement in Kenya? If so when was it founded, by whom, and what did it do?
What were Kenyatta’s links with Nkrumah, Touré and other Panafricanist leaders? Did he ever make any speeches on Panafricanism?
Post independence, what steps has Kenya taken to advance the Panafrican agenda?

Any additions along these lines will be very constructive. Thanks Mccapra (talk) 09:07, 22 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]