Talk:Page Avenue/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: David Fuchs (talk · contribs) 18:24, 1 April 2020 (UTC)

Review in progress. Look for comments here early next week. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ^talk 18:24, 1 April 2020 (UTC)

Overall the article is in decent shape. Comments broken down below: General/Prose:

• The prose could use a bit more work. In general, I'd say the biggest issues are unclear sentence constructions and extra words (I suggest reading User:Tony1/Redundancy exercises: removing fluff from your writing for some help.) Examples:
  • the group managed to track three songs before guitarist Greg Haupt left in November 2002—why not just say "the group recorded three songs?" Manage to track implies they knew Haupt was going to leave, or otherwise just takes more words to say the same thing.
  • During the release delays, the band had been touring as part of the Warped Tour before "Until the Day I Die" was released as a radio single.—This is smashing two sentences together, and adding unnecessarily complicated verb tenses to boot. Instead, you could say something like "The band participated in the Warped Tour before "Until the Day I Die" was released as a radio single" or similar.
  • In the process John Reese, who managed Goldfinger, became their manager—you already mention Reese without naming him earlier; if you moved that introduction up there this sentence could be much simpler, "Reese became their manager."
• the "poppier side" the band had developed prior to moving to California.—is "the band" the Deftones here?
  • "He let us do what we wanted to do. He didn't change us. Feldmann had originally changed our sound. All of his records have the same sort of sound, because he's always using the same formulas on everything."—I would cut the first two sentences here; I know that's what's actually in the source, but it doesn't really make sense with the intended sentiment and reads clearer and more direct without it.
  • On May 7, 2003, it was announced that Story of the Year had signed with major label Maverick Records and that their debut album was scheduled for release in early July. We already know they signed with a major label, so it's weird to have this detail repeated.
  • ...Kevin Says Stage to the bigger Volcom Stage because of the large crowds...—I don't know anything about these stages, and I'm wondering why I should? Just say they were moved to a bigger stage.
  • Russell and Phillips co-directed the video for the song, which was based on its vibe than its lyric—I don't really know what "vibe" means, and it doesn't feel like a useful encyclopedic term.
  • The reception section is mostly just a list of critics giving opinions one after another. Grouping it into aspects of the record (production, lyrical content, overall sound, etc.) would be a better way of approaching it.
    • The structure is a bit better, but there's a ton of quotes here and it makes it hard to read. Summarizing versus quoting single words or short phrases will make it easier to parse. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ^talk 21:02, 13 April 2020 (UTC)
• Why does the certifications chart say 1,000,000 copies sold, but the asterisk says shipped?

References:

• What makes Black Velvet, Melodic, Q103, PunkNews.org, and MusicFeeds reliable sources?

See WP:ALBUMS/SOURCES for Punknews and Melodic; removed the rest. Yeepsi (talk) 08:25, 13 April 2020 (UTC)

• Spot-checked sources to current refs 1, 4, 5, 7, 14, 15, 26, 42, and 52. I didn't spot issues with close-paraphrasing or verification problems.

Media:

• File:Page Avenue.jpg—need a better fair-use rationale for the purpose.

--Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ^talk 23:55, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

Done. Yeepsi (talk) 08:25, 13 April 2020 (UTC)

I reduced the amount of quotes. Yeepsi (talk) 21:21, 13 April 2020 (UTC)

After an additional copy editing pass, I think the prose is decent enough for GA criteria. Passing the article. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ^talk 18:03, 15 April 2020 (UTC)