Talk:Pablo Ibáñez/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Lemonade51 (talk · contribs) 17:35, 25 June 2013 (UTC)

I'll be happy to review this. On first glance, this probably needs minor imput.

• Is it team-mate (Team-mate Jonas Olsson suggested that it took at least...) or teammate (Albacete teammate Miquel Buades suggested that those key attributes...)?
  • OED say teammate, who am I to argue
• "Pablo contributed to Atlético achieving the third best defensive record in the 2004–05 La Liga season, only Barcelona and Real Madrid conceding fewer goals", hmmm...perhaps 'with only Barcelona and Real...' or you could replace the comma with a dash?
  • Changed to "...third best defensive record in the 2004–05 La Liga season; only Barcelona and Real Madrid conceded fewer goals"
• "The team finished in a mid-table 11th position, however, because they did not score enough", replace comma between 'position' and 'however' with semicolon as these are different clauses.
  • Removed the "however": change retains meaning while hopefully improving clarity
• "He and Perea repeated their efforts of the previous season, Atlético finishing...", replace comma with colon in this instance.
  • Reworded as "He and Perea repeated their efforts of the previous season as Atlético finished..."
• "...he partnered Carles Puyol at the 2006 World Cup", full stop after sentence.
  • Done
• The sentence "His agent spoke out in his defence, confirming that Pablo had not asked to leave Atlético, that the Palacios faction were taking advantage of a contractual clause allowing him to leave if an offer of €15m were received (the club claimed the figure was only a basis for negotiation) and disingenuously suggesting that joining the hated rival was no different from joining a big club abroad" could be chopped down to two as it gets long-winded.
  • Split after the bracketed bit
• "His first callup to the senior national squad" call-up
  • Fixed
• "he appeared to foul Alan Smith in the act of shooting, but no penalty was awarded, and Spain had no difficulty retaining their lead" remove extra full stop in that sentence.
  • Done
• "He kept his place in the squad for Spain's next match, a World Cup qualifier at home to San Marino in February 2005, chosen ahead of Iván Helguera who had previously been a regular selection, but did not play." This sentence is confusing and open to different interpretations. Helguera did not play? Both Helguera and Ibáñez did not play?
  • Is this clearer? "Pablo replaced Iván Helguera, who had previously been a regular selection, in the squad for Spain's next match, a World Cup qualifier at home to San Marino in February 2005, but did not play."
• Where is the ref to support 'Lilian Thuram's "clumsy challenge from behind"'?
  • Fixed: url changed when Soccernet changed to ESPNFC.
• Ref 33 published on 1 July 2009, not 1 September 2009.
  • Fixed
• Although Ref 55 says the article was published on 1 August 2007, the numerous relaunches of The Sun website has meant articles prior to that date have been reset. Would suggest you change it to 18 November 2004 – the date it was published on the net and in print, or find another match report.
  • Changed the date

No dead or dab links. It's a comprehensive and on the whole well-written article. On hold for a week and a bit (seeing as you are on vacation). Lemonade51 (talk) 17:35, 25 June 2013 (UTC)

• Thank you for your review, and for finding so few problems with the article. I've addressed your comments, any matters arising will be dealt with promptly. cheers, Struway2 (talk) 14:35, 1 July 2013 (UTC)

Happy to pass this now, nice work. :) Lemonade51 (talk) 16:00, 1 July 2013 (UTC)