Talk:Oskar Gröning/GA1

GA Review

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General comments

It's certainly got the potential to be a GA - I'll be addressing more general points initially, then specific points of spelling, grammar and prose later on.

Lede

A lede should ideally contain a "summary" of the entire article, yet I see nothing about his early life. Please include this.
Again, I don't like the way the lede has set up. You've gone from it being entirely about his SS work to being even more about his SS work. You're meant to be giving a summarised version of the "early life" section, and starting the lede "During his strict upbringing, Gröning joined various fascist youth groups" is arguably POV. Start with "Born in Lower Saxony, Groening was the son of a strict conservative and skilled textile worker" and go from there. Ironholds (talk) 14:36, 15 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Noted. WilliamH (talk) 15:10, 15 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Done WilliamH (talk) 12:20, 19 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Early life

Are there points where this can be expanded? If so, do so - if not, you may as well remove the sub-headings like "childhood" and "after school", since they serve only to break up an already small body of text.

Other general comments

Most other bits seem (generally) fine, although I'd like a separate bibliography section for "Rees, Laurence (2005). Auschwitz: the Nazis & the 'final solution'. London: BBC Books. ISBN 0563521171. OCLC 57541764.". Fix these, then I'll make more specific points. Thanks, Ironholds (talk) 03:37, 14 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Done WilliamH (talk) 14:30, 15 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Specific comments

Lede

"After school, he got a job as a trainee bank clerk, but inspired by Germany's military victories in France and Poland, he joined the Waffen-SS." - "After school, he got a job as a trainee bank clerk, but inspired by Germany's military victories in France and Poland, joined the Waffen-SS."
His role in salary administration granted him both the administrative and military aspects he wanted from job, however, in 1942, the SS ordered that desk jobs should be reserved for injured veterans, and that fit members in administrative roles were to be subjected to more challenging duties." - "His role in salary administration granted him both the administrative and military aspects he wanted from job, but in 1942, the SS ordered that desk jobs should be reserved for injured veterans, and that fit members in administrative roles were to be subjected to more challenging duties."
"After the war, he was captured by the British and held in England." - this seems counter to the rest of the article. during the war he was transferred to an active unit and captured when it surrendered. Suggest "After being transferred from Auschwitz to an active unit in 1944, Gröning was captured by the British on June 10, 1945 when his unit surrendered. After being temporarily held in a former concentration camp he was transferred to England in 1946, working as a forced labourer."
On the subject of June 10, 1945, what format should the dates be in? Do Germans use commonwealth or American date formats?
Done Germans use American style date formatting, judging by the German Wikipedia at least. WilliamH (talk) 12:27, 20 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Early life

following Versailles peace" - "following the Treaty of Versailles". I know it links there already, but "Versailles peace" seems awkward within the sentence and without context. "Treaty of Versailles" is likely to be known by the reader, "Versailles peace"?
"at photos of his grandfather on his horse and playing his trumpet when serving in an elite regiment of the Duchy of Brunswick" - his grandfather was in the elite regiment, not him, yes? Suggest "photos of his grandfather, who served in an elite regiment of the Duchy of Brunswick, on his horse and playing his trumpet".
"Gröning left school with high marks and began a traineeship as a bank clerk when he was 17, however, war was declared shortly after he started employment and eight of the twenty clerks were immediately conscripted into the army." - "Gröning left school with high marks and began a traineeship as a bank clerk when he was 17, but war was declared shortly after he started employment and eight of the twenty clerks were immediately conscripted into the army."
Done WilliamH (talk) 12:30, 20 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

SS career

"As soon as his first day," - "On his first day at the camp"
Done The point of mention here was that Gröning witnessed the camp's unpalatable aspects as early as his first day despite the bureaucratic nature of his job - this has been mended accordingly. WilliamH (talk) 12:30, 20 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

That's about it. Ironholds (talk) 12:05, 20 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for your time. WilliamH (talk) 12:30, 20 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]