Talk:Ortrun Enderlein/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 16:02, 14 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this article shortly. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 16:02, 14 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Here are the issues I found:

"Ortrun Zöphel-Enderlein (born 1 December 1943) is a East German " add GDR in parentheses after East German.
"The controversial disqualification of her and two other GDR sportswomen, who took the lead, in the "Kufenskandal" (Runner Scandal) at the 1968 Winter Olympic Games in Grenoble, involving the claim of heated runners before the race start, was met by GDR officials negatively and believed to be an intrigue against the first official GDR luge team." This took me a few reads to actually figure out what it was trying to say. Try rewording it to make more clear.
"brother is the motorcyclist " rm the
"and reached the 5th position at tbe" fifth position at the
Make sure single-digit numbers are spelled out.
A couple of the external links are deadlinks, so they should be removed.
After all the issues above are fixed, have someone else copyedit it to fine-tune the prose.

I'm about halfway through the article but considering failing it unless a copyedit can be done sooner rather than later. Once that's done I'll do the rest of the article, as it's tough to read in places right now. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 17:04, 14 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I requested a copyedit. Will respond to the issues shortly. Regards.--Kürbis (✔) 18:26, 16 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Done all remaining points. Regards.--Kürbis (✔) 18:34, 16 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

So far so good, i'll continue once the copyedit's done. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 03:40, 22 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Here are a few more issues after reading through again:

" is a East German" an East
"and believed to be an intrigue against the first official GDR luge team." the section reads better as a whole, but i'd replace intrigue with a different word, as what I believe you're implying and how I read it at first were two completely different things. (fwiw, the explanation in the body does read well, it's just the condensing that adds a bit of confusion)
"for the eight division BSG Rotation Raschau," eighth?
"sometimes playing there as a goalkeeper in 1964 as well." rm as well or in 1964; having both makes the text feel jumbled.
"1961/62" 1961-62; same for the other times you use a slash.
"Enderlein performed the inauguration of the new 1959 open-air bath in her home village of Raschau on 22 June 1966." I'm entirely confused by this sentence. it says it's new from 1959 but was dedicated in 1966? I'm missing something here.

I'll put this on hold, and after a copyedit on top of my concerns I'll pass the article. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 02:40, 24 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I gave this another look through, and it seems that the more I look through it, the more issues I keep finding. As a result I'm going to have to fail it, the prose isn't even at the level where I'm okay with keeping it on hold. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 21:07, 29 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]