Jump to content

Talk:Orodes II/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

[edit]
GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Hurricane Noah (talk · contribs) 23:24, 2 April 2020 (UTC)[reply] 

Will do this one tonight too. NoahTalk 23:24, 2 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Meanwhile, the Roman general and triumvir Marcus Licinius Crassus had made an attempt to extend his share of Roman territory by eastward conquest, and in the event had been decisively defeated and killed in 53 BC, in the Battle of Carrhae, along with his son and with the loss of most of his army, by Orodes' general Surena." Woah there... that's a lot for one sentence.
Done. --HistoryofIran (talk) 19:48, 3 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Then, the next year they invaded Syria, but with little success, for Surena, whose achievements had made him too dangerous, was killed by Orodes, and Pacorus I, the son and heir of the king was defeated by Cassius in 51 BC." Could this be split as well? It just isn't reading right for me.
Done. --HistoryofIran (talk) 19:48, 3 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "During the Roman Republican civil wars" comma after that
Done. --HistoryofIran (talk) 02:39, 3 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Comma after the deserter's name
Done. --HistoryofIran (talk) 02:39, 3 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • afterwards --> afterward
Done. --HistoryofIran (talk) 02:39, 3 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I will pick back up for the rest of the article in the morning. NoahTalk 02:27, 3 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry, I had a lot of work to do as an essential employee. NoahTalk 00:49, 5 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "78/77 BC to 12 AD" change to until
Done. --HistoryofIran (talk) 01:13, 5 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Mithridates IV, was " remove the comma
Done. --HistoryofIran (talk) 01:13, 5 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • I would also avoid mentioning support twice in the same sentence
Done. --HistoryofIran (talk) 01:13, 5 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Around the same time, Marcus Licinius Crassus, one of the triumvirs," Mention he was Roman.
Done. --HistoryofIran (talk) 01:13, 5 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "defeats of Roman history." I would feel better with this saying "in Roman history"
Done. --HistoryofIran (talk) 01:13, 5 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "where his victory was celebrated." comma before this
Done. --HistoryofIran (talk) 01:13, 5 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "However, fearing his ambitions even for the Arsacid throne" remove even
Done. --HistoryofIran (talk) 01:13, 5 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " raided Syria as far as Antioch in 51 BC" --> ", going as far as Antioch in 51 BC" ?
Done. --HistoryofIran (talk) 01:13, 5 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "he had either died of grief due to Pacorus' death, or of old age" remove had, remove the comma, and change the age thing to "or as a result of old age".
Done. --HistoryofIran (talk) 01:13, 5 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "moustache" spelling
I always write in British English, I think it's fine? --HistoryofIran (talk) 01:13, 5 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • ", and currently stored in the National Museum of Iran in Tehran." this needs a semicolon and the appropriate adjustment for that.
Erh, wha? I'm sorry but I don't get this part. --HistoryofIran (talk) 01:13, 5 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The sentence is a run-on.. you need to do "; it is currently stored..." NoahTalk 01:38, 5 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
There we go I think [1] --HistoryofIran (talk) 01:46, 5 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "depicts" cut the s
Done. --HistoryofIran (talk) 01:13, 5 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Should be it. NoahTalk 00:49, 5 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Orodes_II/GA1&oldid=949177495"