Talk:OMG (Camila Cabello song)/GA1

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

GA Review

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 22:49, 12 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Grabbing this for a review. Aoba47 (talk) 22:49, 12 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead

I do not believe that the citation for the length parameter of the infobox is necessary.
I am not sure about this part (Cuban-born American singer). Is there a reason not to refer to her as either Cuban-American?
For this sentence (It was released on August 3, 2017 as a promotional single of her debut solo studio album Camila (2018), along with "Havana”.) I would add a note that Camila was known at the time as The Hurting. The Healing. The Loving. You can make it a endnote as putting it the actual prose of the lead may ruin the flow.
For this sentence (However, it was later scrapped from the album.), I would avoid the word “scrapped” as it sounds somewhat informal to me.
This sentence (Written by Cabello, Charlie XCX, Noonie Bao, Alexandra Yatchenko, Quavo and its producers Tor Erik Hermansen and Mikkel Storleer Eriksen known as Stargate, "OMG" has a slow, trap production that is characterized by use of double hi-hat rolls, flute flows and a smooth bass.) is rather long. I would split it into two, with the first being about the credits and the second on the sound/composition.
For this part (her lover interest), I think you mean “love interest”.
I have not listened to this song, but I am not sure what this means (also affirms his intentions with her lover). Intentions for her lover? Could you clarify? Do you mean his lover?
For this part (verses writer by Charlie XCX), it should be “written” by “writer”.
For this part (the rapper Quavo), I would remove “the rapper” as you have already introduced him in the previous paragraph.
For this part (Despise being released as a promotional single, “OMG”), I would remove the opening phrase as it reads like original research to me. It is not uncommon for promotional singles to chart, especially when done by a major label artist.
For this part ("OMG" entered the charts in several countries, debuting at 81 in the United States, 67 in the United Kingdom, 37 in Scotland, 77 in Australia. It was most successful in Spin, where it reached a peak of 16, spending two consecutive weeks on chart.), I would condense the information down to a more simple sentence. All of this information is not needed for the lead. I would say something along the lines that it charted in various countries and have the more detailed notes in the body of the article.

Background and release

For the image, I would add the year in which the image was taken to the caption (i.e. include the year as (pictured in X)).
Link Camila Cabello in the first instance in which you reference her in the body of the article.
This part (to dive into her solo career) is rather informal, particularly the use of the verb “dive”, and sounds like a fan wrote it. Please revise it to be more objective.
I am not sure what this means (To create a body of work which she could identified as an artist,). I would remove it as this is applicable to any artist or group making an album.
This part (To create a body of work which she could identified as an artist, she collaborated with several notable producers, between them, the Norwegian production duo Stargate–composed by Tor Erik Hermansen and Mikkel Storleer Eriksen– who co-wrote this song with English pop singer Charlie XCX, Noonie Bao, Alexandra Yatchenko and its performer. ) needs to be revised from scratch. There are several issues with sentence structure, grammar, and spelling.
For this sentence (In studio with Charlie XCX, Cabello created some "emotional" and "deep" records like "Scar Tissues" to match the "Hurting" concept planned for the album, although while talking to XCX, Cabello had the idea to write something that was just "fun" and that could "not really be taken too seriously.”), I have two notes: 1) the “Hurting” quote does not make sense as the context is not given. You have not introduced the working title of the album so a reader will not understand where the quote is coming from and 2) I would cut this into two sentence as it is rather long.
Please link Quavo in the first instance in which you reference her in the body of the article.
For this part (better known as one of the integrants of the rap trio Migos), just say “members” instead of “integrants”.
This part (Prior its release,) should be (Prior to its release,).
This sentence (She later joined Bruno Mars, serving as an opening act on his 24K Magic World Tour from July 20 to August 22, 2017.) is constructed awkwardly. I would simplify it down to (She worked as an opening act for Bruno Mars on his 24K Magic World Tour from July 20 to August 22, 2017).
I would change this part (During the shows, she included some then-unreleased tracks such as "OMG", "Havana", "Inside Out" and "Never Be the Same" as part of her setlist.) to (During the shows, she performed “OMG” and other then-unreleased tracks such as "Havana", "Inside Out" and "Never Be the Same".) to make it more concise.
For this part (she revealed that "OMG" was ultimetly removed), it should be “ultimately”.

Composition

Since you mention the song’s lyrics in this section, please retitle this to “Composition and lyrics”.
I am not certain about this part (It is built around an "appealing" chorus). The “appealing” quote sounds too much like a critical review so I would move it down to the appropriate section or remove it.
Punctuation should be outside of the quotation marks unless you are citing a full quote/sentence. Please think of this when revising the article as a whole.
For this part (while appreciates the physicality of her love interest), it should be “appreciating”.
For this part (to his group Migos' single), you can drop the descriptive phrase as you have already introduce the group in a previous section.
For this sentence (Quavo similarly raps about his intentions with a woman he is in love with, while making references to his group Migos' single "Bad and Boujee" (2016).), the references should be in numeric order.
For this part (In interview with Zane Lowe on Beats 1 she explained:), there should be a comma after “Beats 1”.

Critical reception

There is not much structure to this section. It seems a little too much like a random assortment of critics and their opinions. Please look at this resource (Wikipedia:Copyediting reception sections) to see how to better create a narrative for a reception section. The narrative can be as simple as this song got primarily positive reviews upon its release. But, something is needed here to help the readers.
There are a lot of quotes in this section. I would paraphrase the following ones in your own words (“attitude”, “sexy tune”, "commanding delivery”, and “flawlessly” would be good choices in my opinion to avoid having a quote farm).

References

Please make sure that all of the work/publisher parameters for the citations are linked where appropriate. For instance, iTunes should be linked in Reference 1.
This source here may be helpful for the article as it provides a critic’s opinion on why the song was not included on the album.
I would suggest that you archive the sources to avoid link rot/death. Not necessary for this review, but it may be helpful in the future.

Final comments

Wonderful work with this. I know that I left a lot of comments, but it can become a GA in the future with a little more polish. Once my comments are addressed, I will pass this. Have a wonderful week! Aoba47 (talk) 04:20, 13 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
@Aoba47: All Done Can you check it please? So, I really admire you good pair of eyes, I swear that I haven't seen neither any of these grammatical mistakes, nor all these issues before this review. Thank you so much for these detailed and incredible observations, you're a great user on Wikipedia, I truly appreciate your work. UrbanJE (talk) 05:53, 13 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the kind words! Aoba47 (talk) 17:11, 13 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Second round of comme

nts

@UrbanJE: I believe that the article needs a "Credits and personnel" section and a "Release history" section. Once this is addressed, I will pass this. Aoba47 (talk) 16:41, 13 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@Aoba47: I have added a "credits and personnel" section, however, I don't see any real benefit of including a "Release history" section on it. The song was only released on digital plataforms and streaming services, it wasn't even send to any radio format in the US and didn't receive a remix EP on iTunes. So, what do you think? -UrbanJE (talk) 18:05, 13 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Verdict

Thank you for addressing everything! I will ✓ Pass this. Aoba47 (talk) 18:08, 13 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.