Talk:Nyuserre Ini/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 16:14, 3 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

I'll be happy to give this a review. JAGUAR 16:14, 3 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, that's great, I am looking forward to your comments! Iry-Hor (talk) 16:22, 3 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Initial comments

Lead

I note that this article is in American English, so I'll keep that in mind and will look out for any inconsistencies!
"a move which may have been an attempt to legitimate his rule" - shouldn't this be legitimize?

You are right, I corrected it. Iry-Hor (talk) 17:32, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

"In Nyuserre's case however, this official, that is state-sponsored cult, existed for very long" - reads a tad awkward, how about In Nyuserre's case however, this official—albiet state-sponsored cult—existed for very long. I'm not so sure about this, so feel free to change or ignore

I wrote "In Nyuserre's case however, this official state-sponsored cult, existed for very long". I felt like "albeit" would give a sense of opposite between official and state-sponsored, when these are actually synonymous in this context. Iry-Hor (talk) 17:32, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

"seems to have continued until the New Kingdom period" - link New Kingdom of Egypt

Done! Iry-Hor (talk) 17:32, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

The lead summarises the article in accordance to WP:LEAD, so no issues there

Body

"dying unexpectedly after a very short reign of about 2 years" - two years

Done! Iry-Hor (talk) 17:32, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

"scholars such as Nigel Strudwick traditionally credited Nyuserre with 11 years of reign" - 11 years (I usually write out smaller numbers in prose, but I don't know if '11' or '12' is the limit)

I propose to keep 11 and 12 as numbers, notably because the article invariably refers to the "12th Dynasty", which is easier to read than "Twelfth Dynasty" I think. Iry-Hor (talk) 17:32, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

"showing him participating in a Sed festival" - is 'Sed' meant to be italicised? I noticed that it is italicised in the header ("Nyuserre's Sed festival"). The Sed festival article doesn't use italics

I use the convention that Ancient Egyptian words are italicised in my articles, following a past FA review (I think it was for Unas). The word Sed is Ancient Egyptian, being the original name of the festival, hence I italicised it. Iry-Hor (talk) 17:32, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

" Mere depictions of the festival do not necessarily imply a long reign however, [note 9]" - extra space before the note

Fixed. Iry-Hor (talk) 17:32, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

"and that "the sed-festival scenes from Abu Gurab [most probably reflect] the 30th jubilee of the king's accession to the throne"[17]" - missing full stop

Fixed! Iry-Hor (talk) 17:32, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

"Interestingly, the reliefs of Nyuserre Sed festival" - Nyuserre's Sed festival

Fixed. Iry-Hor (talk) 17:32, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

"To the extreme south of Egypt, in Lower Nubia" - is 'lower' meant to be capitalised here?

Yes I think it is correct since the geographical locality is called "Lower Nubia". Iry-Hor (talk) 17:32, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

" to the west or the Sinai and Palestine to the East during his reign" - not sure why east is capitalised

Me neither! Fixed. Iry-Hor (talk) 17:32, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Sun Temple of Nyuserre Ini is a red link, so it might be worth getting rid of it

Ok. Iry-Hor (talk) 17:32, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

"Remarkably, on this relief both Khentkaus and Nyuserre appear on the same scale" - sounds a tad informal

Removed. Iry-Hor (talk) 17:32, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

"Taken together these seals reveal that, at the very least, Menkauhor and Djedkare did not perceive Nyuserre as an antagonist." - needs a citation

Ok I see I forgot to put them, fixed. Iry-Hor (talk) 17:32, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

"manifested by the dedication of statues and the compilation of lists of kings to be honoured" - this too, needs a citation. And also honored, to stay consistent with American English

Fixed. Iry-Hor (talk) 17:32, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

The ref link Abusir and Saqqara in the Year 2000 is dead (I think)

Indeed, I removed the link as I cannot find a live link for the document. I have the pdf of the source though. Iry-Hor (talk) 17:32, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

This is a truly excellent article! It is well written, comprehensive, and all of the sources check out. These are minor prose nitpicks, so I'll be happy to promote this once all are clarified. It was also enjoyable to read. JAGUAR 16:11, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Jaguar I am glad you liked it! Iry-Hor (talk) 17:34, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for addressing them! This is good to go now. Good luck with FAC, if you intend to nominate this!

JAGUAR 19:32, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

JaguarYes I will put it up at FAC soon, I will let you know so you can post comments there if you wish to. Iry-Hor (talk) 09:13, 5 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]