Talk:No Sleepin'/GA1
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA Review
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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 22:23, 15 March 2018 (UTC)
- Grabbing for a review if that is okay with you. Aoba47 (talk) 22:23, 15 March 2018 (UTC)
- Lead and infobox
- The image in the infobox needs ALT text.
- Unlink Corina in the songwriter(s) parameter of the infobox as she is already linked in the top of the infobox.
- I would change this sentence (It was written by Andrei Maria, Corina and JJ, while production was handled by Maria, Bogdan Albulescu, Corina and Șerban Cazan.) to (It was written by Andrei Maria, Corina and JJ and produced by Maria, Bogdan Albulescu, Corina and Șerban Cazan.) to make it more concise.
- I would separate this sentence (Marking the singer's return to the music industry after a hiatus, "No Sleepin'" is a synthpop-influenced uptempo dance song featuring piano and a clink sound in its instrumentation.) into two as it is a rather run-on sentence and the ideas do not entirely go together.
- I do not think that “undersleeping” is a word. Maybe “not sleeping” instead.
- I am not a fan of references in the lead for this type of article, unless you are citing controversial information. None of this information is particularly controversial and it should all be in the body of the article and cited accordingly.
- For this sentence (After being sent a demo version of "No Sleepin'", German girl group LaViVerecorded a cover version of the song for their debut studio album No Sleep(2010).), I have a question about some of the wording. I am not sure “cover version” is entirely correct. Whenever I think of cover version, the artist is covering a song already recording by another artist. However, in this case, LaViVe took a demo and made their own version of the song. It seems that Corina and LaViVe just happened to record and release the song around the same time so I would just say they recording a “version” of the song rather than a “cover version” as they were not “covering” Corina.
- LaViVe's version uses exactly the same instrumental as used in "No Sleepin'". The fact that their version was a cover is also supported by sources including this and this. Cartoon network freak (talk) 15:26, 16 March 2018 (UTC)
- Background and composition
- I would change the first sentence of the first paragraph to the suggestion that I provided in the lead. The “while production was handled by” is fine, but I think it is better to go for a more streamlined approach.
- I would make this part of the same sentence (featuring collaborative rap vocals from Romanian rapper JJ) into its own sentence as there is a lot going on there.
- For this sentence (the track marked Corina's return to the music industry after a nearly two-year hiatus due to her motherhood.), the “due to her motherhood” part sounds really weird. I would rephrase it to “after taking a nearly two-year hiatus to raise her child”.
- For this part (featuring "discreet" piano), I would say (featuring a "discreet" piano).
- For this part (featuring piano and a clink sound in its instrumentation), I think it should be “a piano”.
- Music video
- The screenshot needs ALT text.
- I would rephrase this sentence (An accompanying music video for "No Sleepin'" was exclusively premiered on Libertatea and Romanian website Monden.info on 13 January 2011 around 17:00 (EET).) to avoid the passive tense. Something like (The music video for "No Sleepin’" premiered exclusively on Libertatea and Romanian website Monden.info on 13 January 2011 around 17:00 (EET)).
- Why does the exact time for the music video release (i.e. around 17:00 (EET).) matter.
Done Removed Cartoon network freak (talk) 15:26, 16 March 2018 (UTC)
- LaViVe version
- The images need ALT text.
- This sentence (German girl group LaViVe was formed on the ninth installment of the German adaption of the international television talent show Popstars in 2010, consisting of Meike Ehnert, Sarah Rensing, Julia Köster and Katrin Mehlberg.) is very awkwardly constructed. This part (consisting of Meike Ehnert, Sarah Rensing, Julia Köster and Katrin Mehlberg) is tagged on and does not make sense in it current spot. Also, is this information really necessary for this article? It seems more appropriate for the article on their debut single and album rather than this.
- This information is needed here, as this is their debut single. "I Swear" was only released as a promotional single. Cartoon network freak (talk) 15:26, 16 March 2018 (UTC)
- I have a similar question about this sentence (LaViVe recorded a cover of "No Sleepin'" after a demo version of the song was handed to their managemet by a Romanian producing team.) as I did with the lead. I am not sure that “cover” is the right wording.
- See my comments above. Cartoon network freak (talk) 15:26, 16 March 2018 (UTC)
- This word “managemet” is misspelled.
- For this part (The CD single additionally contained versions of the song), I think it should be “contains” as the single always contains these versions of the song.
- For the “Reception” subsection, I would separate the critical reception and the commercial performance information into two separate paragraphs.
- Final comments
- Great job with this. Once my comments are addressed, I will be more than happy to promote this. Aoba47 (talk) 02:46, 16 March 2018 (UTC)
- @Aoba47: Hi there and thank you very much for your review. I beleive I have done all your concerns and responded to all your comments! Best regards; Cartoon network freak (talk) 15:26, 16 March 2018 (UTC)
- Verdict
- Thank you for addressing everything. I will ✓ Pass this. Aoba47 (talk) 22:04, 16 March 2018 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.