Talk:Ngoia Pollard Napaltjarri/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Beloved Freak 14:43, 25 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for criteria)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS):
Well writte, lead covers main points. Just a few suggestions below.
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
One link not working.
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
Neutral and balanced.
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
No problems here.
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
One free image with appropriate license.
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

GA criteria

The link to artery.com.au is redirecting to their homepage.

changed. hamiltonstone (talk) 23:11, 25 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I'm confused - the link now goes to a painting, but that doesn't support the information in the article. Is that right?--Beloved Freak 11:35, 26 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Looks like I f**ked up - not a rare occurrence, really. Now have a look. hamiltonstone (talk) 12:57, 26 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

That does the trick!

Further suggestions

Prose

I'm no expert on this stuff, so by all means take these suggestions with a pinch of salt!
"Commencing painting in 1997, Ngoia Pollard won a major..." - might sound better starting with the noun: "Ngoia Pollard commenced painting in 1997 and won a major..." - also avoids two "ing"s next to each other

True, but i've been trying to avoid beginning sentences with her name all the time. Have tweaked it so at least the two -ing issue is fixed. hamiltonstone (talk) 23:11, 25 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"She went on to the painting prize..." - should this be She went on to win the painting prize...?

oops, yes. hamiltonstone (talk) 23:11, 25 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"Marrying Jack Tjampitjinpa, they moved to Kintore..." - doesn't sound quite right; they doesn't match marrying. Perhaps She married Jack Tjampitjinpa and they moved to Kintore

yes. hamiltonstone (talk) 23:11, 25 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"In 1997, Ngoia Pollard began painting independently, and by 2004 won the first prize..." - I think this should be and by 2004 had won the first prize or and in 2004 won the first prize

yes, the latter. hamiltonstone (talk) 23:11, 25 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"Western Desert artists such as Ngoia Pollard will frequently paint particular 'dreamings', or stories..." - is will necessary here?

no! hamiltonstone (talk) 23:11, 25 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Other

Ok, I know it's only short, I guess I just have a short concentration span, but by the time I got to "Career", I could have used a link to Mount Liebig. It's at that point, when it's directly relevant to her work, that I wanted to click to that article, especially if that article is developed further in the future.

done. hamiltonstone (talk) 23:11, 25 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Consider adding WP:PERSONDATA template

done. hamiltonstone (talk) 23:17, 25 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Another great Aussie artist article (alliteration!); just one external link in the references to be fixed and I will be happy to list the article.--Beloved Freak 14:43, 25 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, I'm happy to list this as a good article now. Well done!--Beloved Freak 16:58, 26 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]