Talk:Nazran okrug/GA1
GA Review
[edit]The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Nominator: WikiEditor1234567123 (talk · contribs) 19:42, 18 January 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: Rollinginhisgrave (talk · contribs) 15:53, 3 August 2024 (UTC)
I'll review this. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 15:53, 3 August 2024 (UTC)
General comments
[edit]I'll be leaving notes as I go. Unfortunately I don't speak Russian, so I will need some help with finding appropriate blockquotes for spotchecks. Thankyou! Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 17:24, 3 August 2024 (UTC)
I'm leaving this here for now. The article's content as far as I can tell is good, but the prose is not up to the standard required by GA. I've given some examples of how sentences should be changed, and you can ping me when you've made changes accordingly to the rest of the article. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 17:24, 3 August 2024 (UTC)
Closing this due to nominator timeliness in addressing issues/article has a long way to go to meeting criterion. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 02:16, 11 August 2024 (UTC)
Prose and content
[edit]Lede
[edit]- Reword of the... of the... of the... wording of opening sentence.
The district was modest in its
Redundant; if it has the smallest population and area in Terek Oblast, it's apparent the population is modest.As a result of the constant hostilities with the neighbouring Cossacks
the local peasantry are feuding with the neighboring Cossack or the local Cossack or feuding with their neighbors?- Does not mention that it was abolished in 1924.
passed between
did a group ever reclaim the territory? Else "passed from" is more clear.According to statistics dated to 1916
doesn't need attribution unless contentious, in 1916 is okay.some of which underwent a series of repressions due to raids by local Ingush outlaws
reword to be more clear
History
[edit]mutual hostility and
redundantThe very fact of the restoration of the national-territorial district
So it existed in the past and now is being restored?
I'll change my approach. The sentences need rewording for simplicity per the WP:GACR needing concision and clarity, as they are too wordy and overly-detailed. I'll provide some examples of changes. If you disapprove of them, let me know. If you agree with them, implement their principles to the rest of the page before I continue the review.
- 1) Despite the fact that this territorial reform was intended to solve the immediate practical problem not in favor of the Ingush and with the reform subsequently displacing numerous Ingush farms and entire villages located on lands leased from the Cossacks outside the otdel, the Ingush met this reform with great enthusiasm. →
- Even though the territory change was meant to solve the problem in the Cossack's favour, and the reform displaced Ingush farms and villages on lands leased from the Cossacks to outside the otdel, the Ingush reacted enthusiastically to the reform.
- 2) The very fact of the restoration of the national-territorial district inspired great hopes, especially since the government itself admitted that the ataman of the Sunzhensky otdel, under whose control the Ingush were previously, due to his military duties, didn't have the opportunity to pay due attention arrangement of civil and economic life of the Ingush population. →
- The enthusiasm was compounded when the government admitted that the previous ruler of the Ingush, the ataman (Cossack leader) of the Sunzhensky otdel, had been too occupied to give adequate attention to the Ingush's civil and economic life.
- 3) Due to the reform being temporary, the local population was worried. In January 1908, elected from the Ingush people, lieutenant Tatre Albogachiev, Shaptuko Kuriev and Duguz Hadzhi Bekov arrived in Tiflis in order to intercede with the Viceroy of Caucasus, Illarion Vorontsov-Dashkov, on "the approval of the temporarily formed Nazran okrug." The request was granted and the Nazran okrug within its specified boundaries was approved on 10 June 1909. →
- Despite their enthusiasm, the reform being temporary worried the Ingush. In January 1908, Ingush elected representatives arrived in Tiflis, and appealed for the Viceroy of Caucasus to intercede. Granting their request, the Nazran okrug was made permanent on 10 June 1909.
Broad
[edit]- There is no corresponding background section to the lede's discussion of the creation.
Sources
[edit]- Great Russian Encyclopedia does not appear to be a RS
the Russian government was forced
can you provide the blockquote for this?arrived in Tiflis
does the source just say they arrived, and doesn't date them asking?
Suggestions
[edit]- Call it a district rather than subdivision for the most part for consistency.
17:24, 3 August 2024 (UTC)