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GA Review

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Reviewer: Dunkleosteus77 (talk · contribs) 02:49, 18 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]


Comments by Dunkleosteus77

[edit]

Grammar

[edit]
  • change "...popularised the term "natural selection"; he compared it with artificial selection" to "...popularised the term "natural selection", and compared it with artificial selection"
Done. Chiswick Chap (talk) 09:24, 18 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • any reason why there's an entire sentence in parentheses?
Removed them. Chiswick Chap (talk) 09:25, 18 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • in the passage "...an issue that Darwin developed in his ideas on sexual selection (now often included in natural selection) and on fecundity selection, for example" move the "for example" part to either after "Darwin" or after "on". Also remove the "on" that comes before "fecundity selection"
Removed them, seems to be fine without 'em. Chiswick Chap (talk) 09:27, 18 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • change "...may become more common in a population (see allele frequency)" to "...may become more common in a population (allele frequency)" for consistency purposes
Used the link directly in text. Chiswick Chap (talk) 09:31, 18 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • wikilink "The Origin of Species" in the "Pre-Darwinian theories" section
Done. Chiswick Chap (talk) 09:28, 18 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • when bringing up Trofim Lysenko, I don't think it's necessary to mention he's a Stalinist. Soviet will do
Purged. Chiswick Chap (talk) 09:29, 18 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
*rim-shot*   User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk  23:22, 18 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the Darwin's theory section, heritable is wikilinked on the second mention (the first mention is in the sentence before)
Done.
  • remove the "the" from "the Reverend Thomas Robert Malthus"
Done.
  • in "...who in An Essay on the Principle of Population (1798), noted that..." add a comma after "who"
Done.
  • remove the passage "Here is Darwin's own summary of the idea, which can be found in the fourth chapter of On the Origin of Species" and phrase it like

If during ................ for the sake of brevity, Natural Selection.

— Darwin summarising natural selection in the fourth chapter of On the Origin of Species 1
Done.
  • the third paragraph of the Darwin's theory section has a lot of unnecessary quotes like " 'by which to work' " and " 'big book' "
Gone.
  • change "...in the process of writing his "big book" to present his researches" to "...in the process of writing his "big book" to present his research
Done.
  • I'm having trouble understanding the passage "he referred to a Nature"; why is "Nature" capitalised and in italics?
Italics gone; using caps and quote marks to indicate this is what he wrote. Chiswick Chap (talk) 07:43, 19 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • change "...see Genetics and the Origin of Species (1937)" to "...in his 1937 book/work/etc. Genetics and the Origin of Species"
Done.
  • "W. D. Hamilton conceived of kin selection" did you mean "had conceived"?
The tense is the same as the rest of the section, but the item was out of place. I've added a date and a ref.
  • "However, as with natural selection above..." I don't get the "above" part.
Removed. Chiswick Chap (talk) 08:06, 22 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]

More

[edit]
  • after "Selection can be classified in several different ways" list the ways it can be classified, e.g., add something like "...different ways, notably by its effect on traits..." and so forth
Done.
  • "...which introduces new variation).[67][68])"
Fixed.
  • in the Types of selection section it says "see figure" in the text but there are two figures close to it. You could change this to "see figures" or if you want to specifically reference an image in-text you could follow the article Evidence of common descent and in the caption say "figure 1" and in text say "see figure 1"
Removed.
  • "In kin selection and intragenomic conflict)" what's with the random parenthesis?
Removed.
  • change "...where one gender choose mates" or "where one gender chooses a mate" or "where one gender chooses mates"
Done.
Good catch. Done.
  • "A prerequisite for natural selection to result in adaptive evolution, novel traits and speciation, is the presence" remove the comma after "speciation"
Done.
  • "recent research" recent as in this century or last 30 years or what?
Gone.
  • in the Selection, genetic variation, and drift section why is "directly" in italics?
Removed.
  • change "...with no new mutation" to "...with no new mutations"
Done.
  • in the Origin of life section, it already specifies the main article is Abiogenesis, so it doesn't need to be wikilinked
Gone.
  • in the quote in the Social and psychological theory section, why is "animal kingdom" in italics?
Author's own emphasis.
  • who is Francis Galton? His name is mentioned in the Social and psychological theory section and that's about it
Glossed and wikilinked.
  • why are "'progressive'" and "'advances'" in quotes?
Gone.

References

[edit]
  • remove the refs from the lead
Done. Chiswick Chap (talk) 08:51, 18 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • remove the access dates from journal refs (as in ref no. 11)
Done. Chiswick Chap (talk) 08:57, 18 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Done. Chiswick Chap (talk) 09:23, 18 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • ref no. 18 has an ISBN of 978-0-7637-0066-9
Done. Chiswick Chap (talk) 07:46, 19 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • for ref no. 29, is there any reason why there's a bullet-point with a completely separate ref in it?
Removed. Chiswick Chap (talk) 07:46, 19 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • there's a bullet-point in ref no. 37, 39, 44, and 45
Removed.
  • "Following Darwin's primary usage[26]..." I don't understand why there's a ref directly here
Moved.
  • surely you can find a more reliable ref than no. 49 (which kind of looks like a blog of sorts) such as this one?
Done. Chiswick Chap (talk) 08:18, 22 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • for consistency purposes make sure all refs with an ISBN also have an OCLC number (ref no. 66 doesn't have one)
Done.
  • ref no. 71 isn't formatted properly, also remove the url
Done.
  • surely you can find a more reliable ref than no. 76 (such as this)
Added.
Fixed.
  • ref no. 91 has a doi of 10.2307/2408095
Added.
  • ref no. 95 doesn't need an access date
Gone.
  • the ref for "Perhaps Darwin's most radical claim is that..." doesn't specify that that was his most radical claim, only that he did claim that
Gone.
  • ref no. 112 reads "For example: Wilson 2002"
Gone.
Done.
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