Talk:Nathan Bruckenthal/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Ed! (talk · contribs) 19:29, 24 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

The lead should summarize the rest of the article. Add a few lines or two to it to make it longer.
There are a lot of short sentences that could be combined into larger paragraphs, particularly in the biography section.
"Biography" section: His birthdate should be here, and include a reference.
"In 2001 he met his future wife, Pattie, while serving at Coast Guard Station Neah Bay." -- The part about meeting his wife should be moved to "Coast guard service." Generally we want the article to flow chronologically.
Any idea what high school he attended, or at least where he went to school? There's mention of college, was there a college he was attending or planning to attend?
"He is survived by his wife, Pattie, and his daughter, Harper Natalie Bruckenthal, born after his death." -- This should be moved to right after the sentence where he met his wife, and probably could just say "He had one daughter, Harper Natalie Bruckenthal, born after his death."
"Petty Officer Bruckenthal is buried at Arlington National Cemetery." -- Should be moved to the end of "Attack on the Persian Gulf" section.
"Bruckenthal was posthumously awarded the Bronze Star with Valor and the Purple Heart for his actions.[1]" should be moved to right after the details of where he is buried.
"The Unaccompanied Personnel Housing building at Coast Guard Station Montauk is named in honor of DC3 Nathan Bruckenthal.[3] He served as a fireman on the USCGC Point Wells, which was homeported in Montauk, New York.[4]" -- since this is so short, it can be folded into the "Awards and decorations" section, and just renamed "Awards and honors," or something like that.
One of the reference links is dead. See: [1]
Reference number 5 should be put into a cite web template.

Altogether the article needs a little reorganizing to be a GA. I'm putting it on hold pending these changes. —Ed!^(talk) 19:42, 24 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I reviewed this article 10 days ago, and pinged the author a week ago. Having seen no activity from him, and having received no further work to improve from anyone else, I am failing the Good Article. It may be renominated once these issues have been addressed. Thanks! —Ed!^(talk) 15:19, 6 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]