Talk:Naruto/GA1

GA Review

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Starting review. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) (contribs) 14:30, 13 January 2009 (UTC)

OK, some initial comments. Checking that reliable sources have been used.

Please expand the majornelson ref with Major Nelson and Larry Hryb info. Also, why does that ref[1] support "These games featured the voices from the English dubbed version of the anime."

The ICv2 refs don't have consistent capitalization.

Add a link to Philippine Daily Inquirer in "Studio 23 tops USTv Awards" ref so that people can easily tell the source.

The activeanime[2] link appears dead to me.

Why is T.H.E.M. Anime Reviews reliable? I notice this one is using a fansub. I couldn't find any info on their editorial policies. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) (contribs) 14:44, 13 January 2009 (UTC)

OK, now checking the article itself. I see it was quick failed in March 2008. It has come a long way since then when it had 16 refs!

"The plot tells the story of Naruto Uzumaki, adolescent ninja, who constantly searches for recognition and aspires to become a Hokage, the ninja in his village that is acknowledged as the leader and the strongest of all." is convoluted.

"The series is based on a one-shot comic by Kishimoto that was first published in the August 1997 issue of Akamaru Jump." remove "first"

"The manga was first published by Shueisha in 1999 in the 43rd issue of Japan's Weekly Shōnen Jump magazine Currently, the manga is still being serialized with forty-four volumes having been released." two sentences? Also, explain what "volumes" means since it's then used a bunch of times after that.

"Apart from anime series, Studio Pierrot has developed five movies for the series and several original video animations (OVAs)." Apart from the anime series

"Other pieces of merchanidise include light novels, video games and trading cards developed by several companies." pieces is too informal

"The films, as well as most OVAs from the series have also been released by Viz, with the first film premiering on cinemas." comma after series

"Reviewers from the series have praised the balance between fights and comedy scenes, as well as the characters' personalities." fighting insead of fights

"However, some of them have noted the series to have stereotypical shōnen concepts, which appear in several series." unclear

"Naruto has a large number of characters, in which most of them are distinguished for being ninjas." ...characters, most of whom are ninjas.

The Setting section needs cites. It's making generalizations that are ORish. Example: "groups in the story in general come in threes and multiples of three with very few exceptions." sounds like original research. Same with "Naruto connects with them to various degrees, learning of their motives, vulnerabilities, and aspirations, often relating them to his own."

OK, shoot. I was hoping I could pass this with a bit of work (since it's #35 overall) but the article needs a major copyedit, and the OR removed or cited. I'm going to fail it, but feel free to renominate it after it has been wored on. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) (contribs) 15:27, 13 January 2009 (UTC)

Well, we can keep talking about this. The plot section needs to be copyedited. The following sentences need work.

"A decree made by the Third Hokage forbade anyone mention the attack of the demon fox to anyone although Naruto soon realized about this."

"Years later, Naruto graduated from the Ninja Academy by using his Shadow Clone Technique, a technique from a forbidden scroll that he was tricked into stealing, to save his teacher, Iruka Umino, from the renegade ninja Mizuki." too many commas

"That encounter gave Naruto two insights: that he was the container of the demon fox." two?

"The main story follows Naruto and his friends' personal growth and development as ninja, and emphasizes their interactions with each other and the influence of their backgrounds on their personalities." OR?

"Naruto finds two friends and comrades in Sasuke Uchiha and Sakura Haruno, two fellow young ninja who are assigned with him to form a three-person team under an experienced sensei named Kakashi Hatake." too many "two"s, ninjs, awkward in general

"Naruto also befriends in other characters that he meets throughout the series." incorrect grammar.

I could go on, but basically a lot of the article needs to be seriously copy edited. The sentences I just mentioned are six sentences in a row! I don't want this review to be a line by line copy edit that's done by me, through you as a proxy. You also haven't fixed all the the things I mentioned above. "The manga was first published by Shueisha in 1999 in the 43rd issue of Japan's Weekly Shōnen Jump magazine Currently" still needs a period. I will say you're on the right track, and with some more work you should definitely renominate it. I recommend giving this article a good copy edit, and considering thouroughly sourcing the statements in the setting and plot sections to individual manga. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) (contribs) 00:41, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

Talk:Naruto/GA1 doesn't seem to be updating on this page. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) (contribs) 20:02, 18 January 2009 (UTC)