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Talk:Nala (The Lion King)/GA1

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Reviewer: FunkMonk (talk · contribs) 23:01, 29 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, I'll review this article. FunkMonk (talk) 23:01, 29 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • The infobox image seems too high res for fair use. Also, I'm sure an image where she looks a bit more neutral could be found?
Still too high res for fair use, should only be 400 pixels wide.[1] FunkMonk (talk) 19:10, 1 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Nala and Simba when they grow up" Seems like an odd caption. I'd expect something like "Adult Nala and Simba in the Lion King (1994)" or some such.
  • Much of Film and television is unreferenced.
  • "Film critic James Berardinelli identified Nala as the film's "sole significant female character."[1] Doesn't this make more sense under reception?
  • Yes, it would ALSO make sense in "Reception", but I included it in the writing section because the quote clarifies Nala's role in the film's story, similar to the last paragraph in the section. The passage isn't really a review of the character; Berardinelli's actual review of Nala has been included in reception.--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:34, 2 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "during which an increasingly senile Scar" He becomes increasingly senile during the song?
  • " Identified by Oh My Disney as "the proverbial glue that holds The Lion King together",[10] Candice Russel of the Sun-Sentinel believes that Nala contributes to the film's love story – "an indispensable factor in Disney cartoon features" – in addition to convincing Simba to return to Pride Rock.[11][12]" Seems this sentence could be cut, not sure why two different statements by different sources need to be in the same sentence.
  • "Oh My Disney" could be presented. What is it? A website?
  • Perhaps also show an image of Nala as a cub, since this "stage" is pretty significant?
  • I don't see the necessity. It would require the uploading of another non-free image (screenshot). Plus, Nala's role as a cub is far less important than her role as an adult; that version of the character appears for a total 15 minutes of screen time and, unlike Simba, has little weight in the story in comparison to her adult counterpart.--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:34, 2 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "unlike Disney's three previous animated efforts." Perhaps mention these in parenthesis.
I don't see it, though? Perhaps it was missed. FunkMonk (talk) 22:35, 2 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Oh, I meant mention what the three films are in parenthesis, not put the existing sentence in parenthesis... FunkMonk (talk) 01:01, 5 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Got it.
  • "and but is willing to" And but? Does the source really say this?
  • "The film's entire recording process took approximately three years to complete" Dates? From when to when?
  • "during which Kelly's sessions were held in both the United States and Canada, while her co-stars Broderick and Jeremy Irons, voice of Scar, were recording in the United States and England, respectively" When?
  • "A straight woman" already linked earlier.
Unlinked.--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:34, 2 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Might say "A straight woman character", to leave out ambiguity as to what is meant.
  • Done.
  • "the musician was 15 years old at the time" Why not say singer?
  • "much of her footage from the first film was simply reused" What is meant by footage here?
  • "Kelly's performance as Nala is responsible for introducing the actress to a younger audience, who had been better known for" It now looks as if the part after the comma refers to "a younger audience", not the actress...
  • "A straight woman, Kelly described Nala as a sensible and nurturing yet authoritative character,[15] while Amber Leab of Bitch Flicks described her as strong, independent and intelligent.[29] According to Oh My Disney, Nala serves as "the proverbial glue that keeps The Lion King together"," Much of this is already mentioned under development. Should probably be cut in one of these places, probably from development.
  • "the film could have having a "patriarchal structure."" Something wrong here.
  • "belongs to a trio of Disney heroines who" Who are the others?
  • "A young Nala debuted in The Lion King (1994) as the" I'd expect the title of the film to be mentioned and linked much earlier in the article body?
You could still mention the title of the film itself earlier. FunkMonk (talk) 11:42, 3 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Elephant Graveyard " Should this really be capitalised?
  • "a trio of hyenas hired by" Is hired the right word here?
  • "around Nala and Simba's son Kovu who" Isn't Kovu the name of "Zira"'s son?
  • There is a bit of overlinking left.
There are at least four. You can highlight them with the Highlight duplicate links tool. FunkMonk (talk) 07:44, 3 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
This script should do the trick:[2] FunkMonk (talk) 21:12, 4 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "a young Nala's speaking voice" The young Nala?
  • Changed to young Nala.--Changedforbetter (talk) 03:29, 3 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Created by screenwriters Irene Mecchi, Jonathan Roberts and Linda Woolverton, and animated by Aaron Blaise and Anthony de Rosa" There should not be unique info in the intro. The intro is just a summary of the article body.
  • "introduced in Walt Disney Pictures' 32nd animated feature film" Likewise.
I think it all looks good, and with the two last things fixed, I'll pass it now. FunkMonk (talk) 10:09, 5 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
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