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Talk:Myst (series)/GA1

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GA Review

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Overall, a good article. I'll finish the review a little later, but for now, here is Lead and Story:

Lead
  • The link to Stranger in the lead doesn't link to its intended section.
  • Civilization and travelling are both used in the article. Use either AmE or BrE consistently.
  • 12 million copies. - I may be wrong, but I was always taught that numbers from 1-12 should be written in letters.
  • Myst drove adoption of personal computers and CD-drives, an attracted nongamers with its nonviolent gameplay. - First of all: what does it mean to drive adoption? Secondly, what is a CD-drive? A link would be good. Lastly, "an attracted"; is this a misspelling of "and"? And there may be too many "non"s in that sentence.
    • I still don't know what to "drive adoption" means.
  • Ubisoft is linked twice in the infobox. Once is enough.
  • Infobox: First release Myst / 1993 - Putting the year in parenthesis makes more sense to me.
Story
  • ten thousand years ago - shouldn't it be 10,000?
  • What is a "surface dweller"?
  • Soon after D'ni - needs a comma before D'ni.
  • realMyst in the image caption doesn't link to its intended section.
  • their father's Ages trap - This sounds better: "their father's Ages they trap"
  • the brothers strand him in D'ni before they themselves - Is D'ni a location? It's not mentioned earlier, so I was a little confused.
  • Atrus' daughter Yeesha - "Atrus' daughter" is unnecessary as it's mentioned earlier. The Prince (talk) 12:41, 28 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Games
I have done all of the above: in re. to Myst / 1993, that's just the template output; i can see about bringing it up on the talk page. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs (talk) 15:48, 29 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Development
  • I would link to the Miller brothers in the first sentence.
  • J.R.R. Tolkien redirects to J. R. R. Tolkien and Robert Heinlein to Robert A. Heinlein
  • The two brothers formed - "Brothers" is used a little too often, IMO. Here, I would change it to "they".
  • videogame -> video game
  • Comma before and after Dunnyhut.
  • With Miller stating - Rand or Robyn?
  • developing a sequel to several development companies who developed - overuse of the word "develop"
  • rendered in real time - you've previously written real time as realtime. Only one form should be used.
  • Actor's faces - put "The" before "actors"
  • D'ni. D'ni - sounds a little awkward
  • (pronounced [dəˈni:]) - why does this appear so late? D'ni has been mentioned several times before. I suggest putting it after D'ni the first time it's mentioned.
  • D'ni links to this article. Might as well remove it.
  • Myst franchise. - link is unnecessary here. Also, put Myst in italics.
Music
  • and so Robyn Miller - change to: and as such Robyn Miller
  • Robyn Miller would also produce the music for Riven - change to "He" as he is mentioned in the sentence before.
  • Jack Wall should link to Jack Wall (composer)
  • created the music, creating - overuse of the word "creating"
Adaptations
  • three book, US$1 million book deal - hyphenate three-book. I also don't think the second "book" is necessary.
  • entitled Myst: The Book of Black Ships - you've already used the word "entitled" twice. Change to "called".
  • September 3, 1997 - this can be unlinked.
  • Columbia TriStar redirects to Columbia Pictures
  • Sci Fi Channel - 15 channels are called this
  • The developers entered into talks with McIntire and Vanderbosch, and gave the filmmakers permission to begin production. - Firstly, what does it mean to "enter into talks"? Secondly, I think you can simply say: "and gave them permission to begin production". The Prince (talk) 20:48, 29 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Second point not addressed.
Reception
  • 6 million units - 6 should be written in letters
  • 12 million copies - Same as above.
  • 1UP -> 1UP.com
  • Fans consider Myst - italicise Myst.
  • Salon (magazine) redirects to Salon.com
  • while authors heralded - Who?
    • The authors should be linked as they have their own articles.
  • 'antiquated' - shouldn't it be in "" quotes?
  • violence, dying, failure - is there an "and" missing?
References
External links
  • Ubisoft website for the Myst franchise - Italicise Myst
  • Is there any reason why there are 2 spaces between the external links and the template?

I have now finished my review of the article. Once the comments have been addressed, I'll take another look at the article. The Prince (talk) 21:28, 29 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I think that's it. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs (talk) 23:46, 29 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
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