Talk:My Friend Pinto/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Yashthepunisher (talk) 13:43, 26 December 2017 (UTC)
I'll review this soon. Yashthepunisher (talk) 13:43, 26 December 2017 (UTC)
Lead
- These links should be fixed.
On it.Done. Sometimes I just don't get what's wrong with them. I tried fixing it, but is it really a must at GA to have them all right? Because I can't seem to know how.- Archive the green links. Yashthepunisher (talk) 04:59, 28 December 2017 (UTC)
- "My Friend Pinto is a 2011 Indian musical comedy film.." In that sense, every Indian film is "musical" as they contain songs. Please tweak it unless it has abundance of songs like Jagga Jasoos.
- I think this should be fine because the film was conceived as one and has music at its core. The genre page suggests: "in which songs sung by the characters are interwoven into the narrative, sometimes accompanied by dancing". And in the film the three of the major events in the narrative are in musical sequences (Babbar and Koechlin's meeting, the Don and Dutta sequence, and the entire final act) with even the dialogue preceding and in succession being musical in nature.
- I haven't seen the film but you have. So let it be then.
- I think this should be fine because the film was conceived as one and has music at its core. The genre page suggests: "in which songs sung by the characters are interwoven into the narrative, sometimes accompanied by dancing". And in the film the three of the major events in the narrative are in musical sequences (Babbar and Koechlin's meeting, the Don and Dutta sequence, and the entire final act) with even the dialogue preceding and in succession being musical in nature.
- "It stars Prateik Babbar as a well intentioned simpleton Michael Pinto, and follows his misadventures over the course of a New Year's Eve in Mumbai." --> It stars Prateik Babbar as Michael Pinto, a well intentioned simpleton and follows his misadventures over the course of a New Year's Eve in Mumbai.
- "The film had Kalki Koechlin.." had or has?
- Although, i think that a movie stars an actor forever and yet had an actor plays a role only once, I think I can reconstruct the sentence if you'd like.
- You can merge this with the second sentence and separate the plot synopsis.
- Although, i think that a movie stars an actor forever and yet had an actor plays a role only once, I think I can reconstruct the sentence if you'd like.
- "While Dar had written the script while working on as an assistant director on another project.." Which project?
- It's in the body and I thought that it's not the most important detail.
- Then remove the 'another project' bit. Yashthepunisher (talk) 13:07, 27 December 2017 (UTC)
- It's in the body and I thought that it's not the most important detail.
- In the same sentence, use "while" only once and remove "on" from it.
- Delink South Mumbai as Mumbai is already linked above to avoid overlinking.
- Can you write a more formal word for "makeshift sets"?
Thinking.Done.
- Fullstop missing after Ajay-Atul.
- Merge the first two sentences of third para.
- "..the film drew criticism for its scattered screenplay and
theseveral underdeveloped subplots."
- Isn't that standard?
- Add "theatrical" before 'run' in the second last sentence.
Yashthepunisher (talk) 10:01, 27 December 2017 (UTC)
Done. NumerounovedantTalk 12:00, 27 December 2017 (UTC)
Second opinion
[edit]Apart from minimal typos (which I have fixed), the players from Cast need sourcing because they usually are just grabbed from IMDb and for assurance that they really appeared in the film. In regards to the infobox, I would trim the actors from "Starring" parameter unless they really are top-billed from the poster (which I suspect they're not), change "Screenplay" to "Writer" unless this is based from another work, and "studio" to "production companies" for reasons obvious. Slightlymad 12:47, 27 December 2017 (UTC)
- Done, let me know if the starring field looks better now. There's a Bollywood Hungama source for the cast at the end of the development section, I do not prefer a separate mention in the cast section unless someone really insists. A couple of actors missing from the list can be added in the same section to ensure reliability? Thanks for fixing the typos. Assassinate, in particular. xD NumerounovedantTalk 13:00, 27 December 2017 (UTC)
- I didn't ask you to create a separate "Casting" section, but to simply add inline citations on each and every actors in Cast for the sake of verification. OTOH, your infobox revision in "Starring" seems unorthodox; I would prefer you just leave the two main actors—Prateik Babbar and Kalki Koechlin—on this parameter and leave the rest in Cast. Slightlymad 13:10, 27 December 2017 (UTC)
- When I wrote "I do not prefer a separate mention in the cast section", I meant that there wasn't a need for a source that was already present in the following section to substantiate the same information. But, I've added it anyway. Also, the "See full cast" bit is a common practice, but as long as no one has a problem with Koechlin being in the starring field and the others who had the same if not more screen time I'm fine with either versions. NumerounovedantTalk 13:32, 27 December 2017 (UTC)
- Thanks for clarifying, as I confess being confused with your question. Think that's all for me. Slightlymad 13:41, 27 December 2017 (UTC)
- Thanks for the help Slightlymad, I appreciate it. NumerounovedantTalk 13:49, 27 December 2017 (UTC)
- Thanks for clarifying, as I confess being confused with your question. Think that's all for me. Slightlymad 13:41, 27 December 2017 (UTC)
- When I wrote "I do not prefer a separate mention in the cast section", I meant that there wasn't a need for a source that was already present in the following section to substantiate the same information. But, I've added it anyway. Also, the "See full cast" bit is a common practice, but as long as no one has a problem with Koechlin being in the starring field and the others who had the same if not more screen time I'm fine with either versions. NumerounovedantTalk 13:32, 27 December 2017 (UTC)
- I didn't ask you to create a separate "Casting" section, but to simply add inline citations on each and every actors in Cast for the sake of verification. OTOH, your infobox revision in "Starring" seems unorthodox; I would prefer you just leave the two main actors—Prateik Babbar and Kalki Koechlin—on this parameter and leave the rest in Cast. Slightlymad 13:10, 27 December 2017 (UTC)
Plot
- Wikilink 'Goan'.
- Remove 'decides' at one instance in the first para to avoid repetition.
- At a train station --> At the train station.
- It was "the" until recently.
- Who is playing Mahesh?
- A comma is missing at the last sentence of this para.
- "Michael finds the sealed letters that he had written to Sameer in one of them.." What is 'them' here?
- Removed. It was the leftover of a previous sentence.
- "He escapes with the help of a nearby drainage pipe," It sounds like the drainage pipe came in and helped him :) It should be something like "through a nearby drainage pipe".
- That would have been fun though. xD
- "..plans to assassinate him to take over
ashis position," - Provide colon after the 'loyal henchmen' bit.
- "Michael, who is completely enamoured.." Remove 'completely' here, as we should avoid such exaggerated wordings.
- "The Don discovers him there and invites him to his party, where Michael across Sameer and Suhani and everyone else that he had encountered over the night as well as Maggie, who as it turned out was offered the job by the Don." This is too long to follow. Please split or rephrase this sentence.
- "..which includes all of his "friends". What's with the 'friends' here?
- Removed as it made little sense.
Yashthepunisher (talk) 13:53, 27 December 2017 (UTC)
Done. NumerounovedantTalk 14:11, 27 December 2017 (UTC)
Development
- Provide alt text for Kalki's image.
- Rephrase the opening sentence as, "Conceived as a musical comedy, My Friend Pinto was directed by Raaghav Dar in his directorial debut."
- The Bollywood Hungama refs seems redundant for this sentence. Kindly remove it.
- Mention the year's for Guru and JTYJN.
- I don't think we should mention every supporting actor's name in the last sentence. Remove the less prominent ones.
- Is ADR really a thing? As its linked to dubbing.
- Yes, linked it to proper sub-section.
- Provide a source for the films runtime in the infobox.
- Can you provide some music reviews of the film?
- There's just one that I found on Yahoo News, but even that was originally from Glamsham, so not too sure.
- I have added one from BH.
- Is MusicAloud a RS?
- I don't think so, one review will suffice then. Yashthepunisher (talk) 16:01, 27 December 2017 (UTC)
Yashthepunisher (talk) 14:44, 27 December 2017 (UTC)
Release
- "The first look of My Friend Pinto featured.."
- I think the sentence regarding MFP failing to garner attention belongs more to the box-office section.
- There are several usage of the word 'poor' in the BO section.
- "It scraped a meager sum of.." Replace 'scraped' with something more common like 'collection' or 'earned'.
Yashthepunisher (talk) 16:17, 27 December 2017 (UTC)
Source review
- Author's name is missing at ref 4.
- Mid-Day --> Mid Day
- Times of India --> The Times of India
- Link GQ to GQ
- Bollywood Hungama shouldn't be in italics.
- "The Film Street Journal" doesn't look like a RS. Try finding a replacement.
- Shouldn't it be just fine, it is just a direct quote?
- Ref 30 and 31 are the same, just different slides.
- Remove either of the ref for the trailer launch to avoid CITEKILL.
- Amazon.com --> Amazon
- Livemint --> Mint
- Hindustan times --> Hindustan Times
- Use |work= for the newspaper and magazines.
That's it from me. Yashthepunisher (talk) 05:12, 28 December 2017 (UTC)
- Fixed everything. NumerounovedantTalk 12:24, 28 December 2017 (UTC)
I have performed some minor edits, the rest looks fine. Great work! 
Yashthepunisher (talk) 10:39, 31 December 2017 (UTC)