Talk:My Father's Song/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 15:43, 17 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Grabbing this for a review to keep my reviews of Streisand's songs going lol. Aoba47 (talk) 15:43, 17 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

The third sentence in the lead's first paragraph reads somewhat awkwardly. I understand its meaning and what you were going for in the sentence, but the phrase "with Jeffrey Lesser serving as a producer as well" sounds a little strange to me. I would revise it. Here is my suggestion, but feel free to revise the sentence to what you feel is the most appropriate: Rupert Holmes wrote the song in collaboration with its producer Jeffrey Lesser.
In the lead's second paragraph, do you mean "liked" instead of "likened"?
In this sentence (Streisand had wanted to work with Holmes on her music, and he was considered relatively unknown before working with the singer.), I am not sure what the connection is between these two ideas. The connector "and" seems to be placing these two ideas in dialogue with one another, but I am not sure they are necessarily related. I would revise this make the meaning clearer. Maybe you could use something along the lines of the following: "Streisand worked closely with Holmes during the creation of the album. Prior to their collaboration, Holmes was considered to be relatively unknown." This is just a suggestion.
Also in the same sentence and the one directly following it, you use the word "work" three times in close proximity so I would add some variety.
This is more of a clarification question, but are there any more reviews of the song that you can include in the article, even in the context of a review of the main album? There is only one review of the song in the article at the present so I was just curious if there could be more material about its critical reception.

Final comments

@Carbrera: Great work with this article. It was an interesting read. Once my comments are addressed, then I will pass this. Aoba47 (talk) 16:02, 17 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@Aoba47: Thank you so much... again! You're really on a roll! In regards to the critical reception section, I've looked relentlessly for more reviews without luck. Unfortunately I cannot find anymore. Thank you again, cheers, Carbrera (talk) 16:14, 17 March 2017 (UTC).[reply]

@Carbrera: I am just trying to help out as much as I possibly can since I have received a lot of great support/feedback for my GAN review. And I completely understand about the review so don't worry about it. It is unfortunately common for older songs. Aoba47 (talk) 16:20, 17 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@Aoba47: Thanks for the response. Other than that I have completed making any changes to the article. :) Regards, Carbrera (talk) 16:22, 17 March 2017 (UTC).[reply]

Awesome work as always. ✓ Pass Aoba47 (talk) 16:33, 17 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]