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Talk:Moors murders/GA1

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GA Review

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Comments

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  • had been sexually assaulted - maybe "were sexually assaulted" to clarify that the sexual assaults were part of the killings, rather than the children being say, victims of child abuse who were murdered by Hindley and Brady. May sound a bit silly - feel free to ignore it if you wish.
  • Sentence starting "On 6 October 1965 Brady met 17-year-old apprentice engineer Edward Evans" - is there any more information on Evans' murder? It seems a bit short compared to the other sections.
  • "On the evening of 6 October 1965 Hindley drove Brady to Manchester Central Station" - this para needs a few more inline cites. My rule of thumb is an inline cite for any questioned statement or statement that could be questioned, so a few more would be nice.
  • "Hindley was at liberty" - out free? If so, please clarify.
  • Don't understand what you're asking for here. The article already says that she wasn't arrested until five days after Brady's arrest, and "at liberty" seems like a more elegant phrasing than "out free". --Malleus Fatuorum 03:24, 15 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The trial was held over 14 days beginning on 19 April 1966, in front of Mr Fenton-Atkinson, the trial judge" - is the last bit necessary? Fenton-Atkinson should also be Fenton Atkinson.
  • Other sources I've found said the trial was held at Chester Assizes - if so, you might want to include that, linking Assizes.
  • The immediately predeeding sentence already says that: "Committal proceedings were heard in front of three magistrates in Hyde over an 11-day period during December, at the end of which the pair were committed for trial at Chester Assize Crown Court." --Malleus Fatuorum 03:16, 15 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ahh right, didn't see that. Probably still a good idea to link "assize" - it's an entirely English phenomenon in its modern form (or was, until the Royal Commission on Quarter Sessions and Assizes. Spoilsports.) Ironholds (talk) 03:45, 15 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "recorder of Salford" - link "recorder".
  • "truly horrible case" needs an inline cite, as do "a very long time" and "wicked beyond belief"
  • "Lord Longford pleaded for her release" - link "Lord Longford". I appreciate it is linked, but a lot further down the article. Ideally if it's only going to be linked once it should be linked further up.
  • "Over the next few months interest in the search waned, but Hindley's clue had been sufficient for the police to focus their search on a specific area" - repetition of search, suggest "Over the next few months interest in the search waned, but Hindley's clue had been sufficient for the police to focus on a specific area".
  • "The identity of Brady's father has never been reliably ascertained, although his mother claimed he was a reporter working for a Glasgow newspaper, who died three months before Brady was born." - inline cite as per my above rule of thumb.
  • Cameras "crowded the pavement" outside - quote, inline cite.
  • Once again, this quotation is covered by the citation at the end of the sentence in which it appears. I'm not aware of any requirement that quotations have to be cited immediately after their appearance, and it would seem absurd to me to have the repeat the same citation part way through the sentence and then again at the end. --Malleus Fatuorum 03:29, 15 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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