Talk:Mohamed Salah/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Kosack (talk · contribs) 15:31, 2 January 2021 (UTC)

This has been sitting here for around six months now, so I'll try and get this looked at. Review coming as soon as possible. Kosack (talk) 15:31, 2 January 2021 (UTC)

Initial review

Lead

• "Considered one of the best players in the world", generally when a summary opinion like this is included we should include a few refs to back this up.  Done
• The infobox uses Al Mokawloon but the lead uses El Mokawloon?  Done
• "who signed him for in 2014", something missing from here.  Done
• The "second spell" link to his first Liverpool season seems very much like an WP:EASTEREGG to me.  Done
• The last two sentences of the third paragraph both begin with "the following season" which is a little repetitive.  Done
• "30 year league title drought", this seems like a bit of an WP:EASTEREGG. Done

El Mokawloon

• There are two youth teams listed in the infobox that aren't mentioned here? Even if these are local amateur sides, the sentence "played his youth football with El Mokawloon" is probably overly simplifying his youth career considering he was only there for four years.  Done
• Ref 6 mentions he joined the club at 14 which is probably worth mentioning.  Done
• Again, the club name changes between El and Al here?  Done
• "He remained a regular for Al Mokawloon, appearing in every game of the 2011–12 season", source?  Done
• The section is a little light overall, considering it covers around six years, plus perhaps the earlier years before that. There seems to be a decent bit of information out there for it too, see [1], [2], [3] (if you can find someone with a subscription), [4], [5], etc.  Done

Basel

• This section isn't the largest, so I don't see much need for the first paragraph to be separated from the rest?  Done
• There are a couple of obvious sources available for his arrival and time with Basel too, see [6], [7],  Done
• "had been monitoring Salah for some time", source doesn't seem to support this part?  Done
• Link friendly to Exhibition match and aggregate to aggregate score.  Done
• "they were beaten 2–5", it's generally accepted for the scoreline to list the subject club first, whether in defeat or victory.  Done
• Ref 20 appears to have expired.  Done

2013–14: Final season and league championship

• "To the start of the 2013–14 Swiss Super League season Salah was member of the Basel team that won the 2013 Uhrencup", this sentence doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Done
• "Salah scored on his first league appearance against Aarau" > in his first league appearance of the season against...  Done
• There appears to have been some significant controversy over a perceived refusal to shake the hands of Israeli players in the Tel Aviv match. Worth including? See [8], [9], etc.  Done
• Chelsea and Champions League are repeat linked here.  Done
• Worth noting that Basel were eliminated at the group stage.  Done
• The section heading mentions a league championship but the only information here is really about his Champions League performances?  Done

Chelsea

2013–14: Entry into first-team squad

• Chelsea doesn't need to be linked as they are mentioned previously.  Done
• "the Stamford Bridge club", this reads a little oddly to me. I would suggest dropping the use of London in the previous section and moving it here with "the London based club" perhaps.  Done
• The second paragraph has three sentences, all of which begin with "On xx date". This is a little repetitive and feels more like a list rather than flowing prose.  Done
• "later won a penalty and an assist", I don't think you can win an assist so to speak. Perhaps add "registered an assist" or similar?  Done

2014–15: Domestic success

• "looked to be in a balance" > looked to be in doubt?  Done
• Link military service to Conscription in Egypt.  Done
• Is Ibrahim Mahlab the same as mentioned here.  Done
• "after the meeting with the then Egyptian prime minister Ibrahim Mahlab", what meeting?  Not done

Its in the reference at the end of the sentence. Would you like me to move it closer? REDMAN 2019 (talk) 13:12, 3 January 2021 (UTC)

I was thinking more that the use of the meeting suggested that the reader should know of said meeting before this point. I've reworded slightly to remedy that, if you think it's wrong, let me know. Kosack (talk) 09:22, 21 January 2021 (UTC)

Looks fine. REDMAN 2019 (talk) 13:38, 30 January 2021 (UTC)

• Shawky Gharib is spelt differently to his actual page?  Done
• "Salah changed squad numbers from 15 to 17 for the start of the season, with his new number having been vacated by Eden Hazard changing to number 10", as much as I generally loathe basic shirt number info, if you want to keep it the source doesn't really support the players changing numbers.  Done Sorry to hear that you dislike it, but I think it should be kept.
• "Salah was rarely used during the season", this doesn't appear to be sourced, a summary of his appearances would be helpful for context too.  Done
• "he took a shot that went so far off target that it went for a throw-in", is this particularly relevant? I'd probably look to combine the two sentences with "He and fellow winger André Schürrle were criticized publicly by manager José Mourinho after a 2-1 win over..." and drop the throw-in part.  Done

Loan to Fiorentina

• "On transfer deadline" > day?  Done
• "confirmed that Salah would play for the Italian club Fiorentina", would play is an odd turn of phrase. Would join Italian... Perhaps?  Done
• Sentence is a bit long as well, perhaps split the shirt number part into a new one?  Done
• "Twelve days after that" > Twelve days later?  Done
• Round of 16 is capitalised here but not in other uses. Stay consistent.  Done
• The "reportedly" is probably unnecessary as there are some pretty definitive sources that Fiorentina did exercise an option to extend the loan. [10] Might also be worth including the conclusion of the saga [11]  Done

Loan to Roma

• Roma is repeat linked here.  Done
• "ACF Fiorentina filed a complaint to FIFA with the claim that Chelsea alleging breach of contract when they allowed Salah to join Roma", sentence is a bit muddled.  Done Moved
• The second paragraph here seems to be just an indiscriminate list of goals?  Done

Roma

• Again, this section seems to have been written week-by-week as it seems to be just a list of goals.  Done
• "for legendary captain", watch for WP:PEACOCK terms.  Done

Liverpool

2017–18: Record-breaking individual success

• "for an initial €42m fee that could rise to €50m. The fee was a club record, eclipsing the £35m", it seems a bit odd to be switching between two forms of currency when the figures are comparable. As he was moving to a British club, I would suggest sticking with pounds for both uses.  Done
• "He was assigned the number 11 shirt previously worn by Roberto Firmino who instead switched to number 9", source?  Done
• "becoming Liverpool's first Egyptian player", I can't see that mentioned in the source text, but there is a video included. Do you have access to that?

I have access to the video also it's a pretty well known fact. REDMAN 2019 (talk) 16:50, 18 January 2021 (UTC)

So does the video mention it? I would question how well known it is outside Liverpool. Personally, I don't know if another Egyptian has ever played for them. Kosack (talk) 09:16, 21 January 2021 (UTC)

• "He scored on his debut against Watford in a 3–3 draw on 12 August", perhaps mention what competition this was in.  Done
• "Salah hit the top of the Premier League goal scoring charts", wording is a little informal perhaps?  Done
• "The day after the match, Ramos wrote a message and sent him good wishes", I get why this was originally added given the consternation that surrounded it, but is this particularly relevant now the dust has settled?

It's not as relevant as before, but I don't see a strong reason to remove it if that's ok. REDMAN 2019 (talk) 12:04, 6 January 2021 (UTC)

I wouldn't oppose based on its inclusion at GA level, so not a sticking point if it stays. Kosack (talk) 09:17, 21 January 2021 (UTC)

2018–19: European champion and second Golden Boot

• "Salah scored his first goal of the season and Liverpool's first overall goal of the season", these two clauses could probably be combined given how similar they are rather than being written separately.  Done
• Roger Hunt and Fernando Torres are repeat linked here.  Done
• "after being kicked in the shins twice", not seeing that in the sources?  Done
• Section veers into "On xx date" territory at times. Try to avoid too many consecutive sentences beginning in the same manner.

2019–20: Premier League champion

• "In the 2019 UEFA Super Cup final", is there actually a final for the Super Cup given it's a one-off match?  Done
• Link penalty shootout to Penalty shoot-out (association football).  Done
• "after 120 minutes"> after extra-time?  Done
• Manchester United, Chelsea and Fernando Torres all repeat linked here.  Done
• "to become the league's fifth-highest African goalscorer of all time", is being the fifth-highest actually that notable, especially given the amount of records that he was actually setting at the time.  Done
• "the first time in the club's 127-year history they have achieved this", this sentence is written in the present tense, but this is already at least a year out of date. The sentence needs rewriting in the past tense to make it clearer that it was at the time.  Done
• "With his 70th Premier League goal in 100 appearances", it could be made clearer that we're still referring to the goal scored against Bournemouth here.  Done
• "he has scored seven more goals", wrong tense.  Done
• "63 goals of Fernando Torres > by Fernando Torres.  Done
• No mention of winning the league title?  Done

2020–21

• "He also became the first player to score a hat-trick for Liverpool in the first league match" add of a season after this point.  Done
• "Liverpool FC history" > Liverpool history or the club's, whichever you prefer.  Done
• The last part of this section about top tier goals is unsourced and I'm not sure how relevant it is anyway.  Done

Youth

• His appearance numbers don't appear in the sources provided in the first paragraph.  Done
• " following a 0–3 quarter-final defeat", not sure we need the sudden use of a reverse scoreline here.  Done

Senior

• First team doesn't need to be linked back to the article again in the second sentence.  Done
• "goal in a 1–2 away defeat", no need for the reverse scoreline.  Done
• "with their latest successful qualification being in 2010, when they won the competition for a third straight time", does this have any real relevance to Salah?  Done

Analysis

• The first paragraph here is comprised of only two sentences which are quite long to read. Might be worth splitting at least one.  Done
• No need to link Liverpool here.  Done

Reception

• "American soccer coach", soccer isn't needed here, we're not going to be quoting a tennis coach on his ability.  Done
• Chelsea and Mourinho don't need linking again.  Done
• "Salah has also received praise for having never celebrated scoring a goal against any of his former clubs", I'm not sure a single source from one match is enough to say he "never" celebrates. Also, there's not a lot of obvious praise for not celebrating in there?  Done Changed sentence

Media

• "Salah features in EA Sports' FIFA video game series", so do thousands of other footballers. I'm not sure this is particularly notable, certainly not his ratings either.  Done
• The fan vote on FIFPLAY seems rather irrelevant as well I would say.  Done

After looking over it, I have removed the entire section as I couldn't find a reason to keep it in its current state. REDMAN 2019 (talk) 15:07, 15 January 2021 (UTC)

Charity

• " father of the Egyptian footballer Salah Ghaly" > Salah's father  Done
• "when the country was in a bad situation" > was experiencing an economic crisis.  Done

In popular culture

• "It appears in FIFA 19", again I'm not sure of the relevance.  Done

Honours

• Are third placed finishes in tournaments generally considered honours? Let alone an under-20 youth competition?  Done

Records

• Score and goals are unnecessarily capitalised a few times.  Done
• "in all competition in Liverpool club history", this and the following record read a little clumsily.  Done

References

• The early refs seem pretty well formatted, but the further down you go there are quite a few authors, publishers, publishing dates and accessdates missing. These need filling out with all of the available info.  Done

• A couple of sources that look a little questionable or I'm unfamiliar with. Why are the following considered reliable sources:
• live-result.com

I wouldn't trust it for, say, a transfer rumor, but for a simple match report it should be ok. The Basel website has removed the original source. REDMAN 2019 (talk) 15:29, 11 January 2021 (UTC)

• tribalfootball.com  Done
• Trackalytics.com  Done

This is a pretty big review, perhaps the biggest I've ever written. Possibly the main issue is his earlier career sections. His Liverpool years are reasonably solid, but the Al Mokawloon and Basel years are a little light I feel and the Roma and Fiorentina sections descend into endless lists of goals. The refs also, while not in terrible shape, will need some work given the amount of them to sift through. It's up to you what you wish to do, I can leave this open if you wish to try and work through these in the usual sort of time frame of a week or so. Or I can close it and you can renominate later if it's likely to be too time consuming? Let me know what you wish to do, I'll leave on hold for now. Kosack (talk) 21:57, 2 January 2021 (UTC)

@Kosack: Is 10 to 14 days okay? REDMAN 2019 (talk) 11:56, 3 January 2021 (UTC)

Yeah sure, there's no rush. I just want to ensure that we are likely to see progress. Ping me again when you're ready for another look. Kosack (talk) 13:32, 3 January 2021 (UTC)

@Kosack: I am going to redo the Roma section over the next few days. Are there any new points you would like me to address? REDMAN 2019 (talk) 10:52, 20 January 2021 (UTC)

Follow up

Al Mokawloon

• "and his coach says it only motivated him to become better", what coach are we referring too?  Done

2013–14: Final season and league championship

• "As Basel won the league title for the fifth time in a row", needs a source.  Done

2018–19: European champion and second Golden Boot

• "Amid controversy and online protest, Salah received the 2018 FIFA Puskás Award for goal of the year", might be worth expanding on this. Were the protests for or against for example.  Done
• "West Ham said they were investigating a video which allegedly showed fans racially abusing Salah", what was the outcome of this? I assume it's reached a conclusion now, so the resulting verdict should be mentioned.  Done

Personal life

• The last sentence about coronavirus is partially unsourced.  Done Removed it as it was two tests for the same period.

International goals

• The table here likely needs scope=row added for the goal number.  Done

References

• Still the odd reference that is incomplete. Ref 9 for example needs a publisher, ref 29 needs an author, ref 121 needs an accessdate, etc. I know there's a lot, but try to ensure they are as complete as possible.

Apologies for the slow reply, it's taken me a few days to go through again. I've done some copyediting but it's really just minor corrections. Obviously, you're welcome to go through and see if you disagree with anything. Other than that, I've picked up a few minor points above now and, as you mention, the Roma section still has issues. However, we're significantly closer to passing this now which is good. Kosack (talk) 10:13, 22 January 2021 (UTC)

@Kosack: Sorry for how long it's taken me. I have addressed all the points that have been raised at this review. Could you take a look and see if there's anything left? REDMAN 2019 (talk) 13:39, 30 January 2021 (UTC)

I'm still not keen on the Roma sections unfortunately. Although the text flows better, there are remaining issues as it still appears to be just an indiscriminate list of goals. For example, "On 2 February 2016, Salah scored in a 2–0 away win over Sassuolo. Ten days later, he scored in a 3–1 win over Carpi", are both these notable occurrences? Same goes for "On 11 September, he scored in a 3–2 win over Sampdoria. Ten days later, on 21 September, he scored in a 4–0 win over Crotone" and "On 15 October, he scored in a 3–1 win over Napoli." Generally, we're looking for notable instances of goalscoring, especially for a player who scored as many goals as Salah does. Kosack (talk) 18:43, 31 January 2021 (UTC)

@Kosack: I have removed parts of the Roma sections. Does it look okay to you? REDMAN 2019 (talk) 19:11, 9 February 2021 (UTC)

One new point that has sprung up is the recent addition of "He also became the first Liverpool player since Billy Liddell in 1958 to score in a fourth consecutive league game for Liverpool against West Ham and the first to do so in the top-flight." Is scoring in consistent matches against a single club particularly notable? Perhaps if this was a derby of some kind, but Liverpool and West Ham is not really a world renowned fixture. Kosack (talk) 13:23, 11 February 2021 (UTC)

@Kosack: Done. REDMAN 2019 (talk) 17:10, 11 February 2021 (UTC)

The no. column of the international goals table still needs scope=rows adding. Kosack (talk) 13:06, 12 February 2021 (UTC)

Kosack Done. Sorry, I had forgotten that. REDMAN 2019 (talk) 14:33, 12 February 2021 (UTC)

A few references stick out as being incomplete, namely:

• 100, 257 - author and accessdate  Done
• 108, 109, 132 - accessdate  Done
• 127, 128, 129, 130 - publishing date  Done
• 180, 285, 305 - author  Done

After that, I think we might be there. Kosack (talk) 12:02, 14 February 2021 (UTC)

@Kosack: Done all. REDMAN 2019 (talk) 16:15, 14 February 2021 (UTC)

Happy to promote this now. While the text could still be fine-tuned, I think the overall quality required for a GA is there. The article is well-balanced, covers all aspects of his career and is adequately sourced. Nice work. Kosack (talk) 15:06, 15 February 2021 (UTC)