Talk:Moff Gideon/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Cavie78 (talk · contribs) 10:32, 22 May 2020 (UTC)

Thought I'd give someone else a chance, but still no takers so I'll do this one Cavie78 (talk) 10:32, 22 May 2020 (UTC)

Lead

• Our old friend "first appearence"
  • LOL Changed. — Hunter Kahn 15:47, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
• "who does not hesitate" -> "and does not hesitate"
  • Changed. — Hunter Kahn 15:47, 22 May 2020 (UTC)

Backstory

• "Gideon knows the identity of and information about the show's title character, otherwise known as "The Mandalorian", due to his role in the Purge" Think this coule be worded better. Maybe "Gideon knows information about the show's title character, otherwise known as "The Mandalorian", including his identity, due to his role in the Purge"
  • Changed. — Hunter Kahn 15:47, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
• "is a title for high-ranking Imperial official who served" -> "is a title for a high-ranking Imperial official who served"
  • Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 15:47, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
• "The "Moff" title and has been featured"
  • Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 15:47, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
• "Just prior Gideon's" -> "Just prior to Gideon's"
  • Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 15:47, 22 May 2020 (UTC)

Season one

• Are we saying The Child/Client or the Child/Client?
  • When I had them in quotation marks (like "The Mandalorian" in the lead and "The Child" on first reference" I used the capitalized "The", otherwise it is lower-cased. Let me know if you disagree with this method. — Hunter Kahn 15:47, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
• "and the meeting is a trap in which the Mandalorian plans to kill the Client and his stormtoopers" Make it clear this was a plan devised by all three. Current wording could be taken to read as though Greef Karga and Cara Dune don't realise it was meant to be a trap
  • I've tried rewording it, let me know if that is better. — Hunter Kahn 15:47, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
• "Afterward" -> "Afterwards"

Changed. — Hunter Kahn 15:47, 22 May 2020 (UTC)

• "and his party from the outside," -> "and his party from outside the cantina,"
  • Changed. — Hunter Kahn 15:47, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
• "to the wing and after briefly clinging"
  • Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 15:47, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
• "a black-bladed lightsaber and ancient Mandalorian artifact" -> "a black-bladed lightsaber which is am ancient Mandalorian artifact"
  • Changed. — Hunter Kahn 15:47, 22 May 2020 (UTC)

Season two

• Ok

Thanks again Cavie78! — Hunter Kahn 15:47, 22 May 2020 (UTC)

Characterization

• "that they cannot trust them"? "that they cannot trust him"?
  • Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 16:00, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
• "or even for mere annoyances like when they interrupt him" -> "or even for mere annoyances, such as when they interrupt him"
  • Changed. — Hunter Kahn 16:00, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
• "determined to achieve his goals[35] and is willing" Add a comma before the cite or move the cite to the end of the sentence
  • Added the comma, since I'm using the citation for that particular clause. — Hunter Kahn 16:00, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
• "His motivation to get the Child appear personal" -> "His motivation to get the Child appears personal"
  • Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 16:00, 22 May 2020 (UTC)

Portrayal

• "Esposito said one of the first things he did after accepting the role" Make it clear you mean Moff Gideo as you've just mentioned the Jungle Book.
  • Done. — Hunter Kahn 16:00, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
• "was a fan of the first original Star Wars trilogy"
  • Oops, lol, fixed. — Hunter Kahn 16:00, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
• "and appreciated that there was a more minority actors in the later productions" -> "and appreciated that there were more minority actors in the later productions"
  • Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 16:00, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
• "become an Internet sensation" -> "become an internet sensation"
  • Changed. — Hunter Kahn 16:00, 22 May 2020 (UTC)

Costume

• "concept designer and artist with The Mandalorian" -> "concept designer and artist for The Mandalorian"
  • Changed. — Hunter Kahn 16:00, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
• "costume was created based upon the design by costume designer Joseph Porro"? I don't understand this. You said the costume was designed by Brian Matyas?
  • My understanding is that Porro designed it and then Matyas physically made it based upon the design. Maybe I should change "created" to "crafted" to avoid confusion? (Or if that's the only thing holding up GA approval, feel free to make the change yourself so you don't have to wait for me. :D) — Hunter Kahn 16:00, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
• "and he wanted to keep his costume" -> "and said he wanted to keep his costume"
  • Changed. — Hunter Kahn 16:00, 22 May 2020 (UTC)

Filming

• "said of the filming scenes"
  • Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 16:00, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
• "I'm on (a) globe 30 feet in (the) sky" -> "I'm on [a] globe 30 feet in [the] sky"
  • Changed. — Hunter Kahn 16:00, 22 May 2020 (UTC)

Reception

• OK

Images

• All ok and appropriately licensed

Sources

• Great

Another nice article. Placing on hold for now Cavie78 (talk) 15:53, 22 May 2020 (UTC)

• Thank you much Cavie78! — Hunter Kahn 16:00, 22 May 2020 (UTC)

Good work Hunter Kahn. Happy to promote - congrats again! Cavie78 (talk) 20:41, 22 May 2020 (UTC)

• Thanks Cavie78. This means there is only one Mandalorian character GA left unreviewed! Very exciting! :D — Hunter Kahn 15:37, 26 May 2020 (UTC)