Talk:Mladen Lorković/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 00:27, 6 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this article shortly. Been without a review way too long. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 00:27, 6 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Here are the issues I found:

"he was a supporter of he" of the
"He later divorced Marquead and on 19 August 1944 he remarried, to " comma should be moved to after Marquead.
I'd combine the last two paras of the life section.
I'm a little confused as to exactly why he had to leave the country the first time and why he was under police surveillance. The lead notes he was viewed as a dissident but the body waits until after he left to get into detail, and it may be better suited earlier in the article.

Partially done, will finish rest early tomorrow. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 05:09, 6 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I think I fixed those. You may check if I did it right. --Wusten fuchs 09:26, 6 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Looks good. Here's the rest of my concerns:

I'm not convinced the infobox image is necessary, given that there are two free images in the article. Given his death a free image shouldn't be too difficult to find of just him. Also, in the second image note which one Lorkovic is (I assume it's second from right but I could be wrong).
The minister section starts to overuse dates at the beginning of sentences. Sometimes it's fine but when several sentences in a row start with "On/In (date), etc." it starts feeling a bit too listy.
"In response, the Italian diplomat Raffaele Casertano tried to have Lorković removed from office. On 23 April 1943, Lorković was removed from office after his chief of cabinet, Ivo Kolak, was found guilty of gold smuggling and executed" Are the two related? I imagine not since they're in different paragraphs, but curious.
"and he become close associate of" a close associate
"many high-ranking Croatian Home Guard officers and politicians[25] " add period to end of sentence.
"Independent State of Croatia, were" no comma needed

I'll put the article on hold and will pass it when the issues are fixed. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 18:14, 6 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, I have fixed all of this, replaced the copyrighted image with the free one, fixed the grammar, expanded the image discriptions, somehow tried to fix the "Minister" section by reformulating the sentences (see if everything is fine there, if not say what I need to do). And I don't think that his removal from office had any connection to Italian diplomat since no source connects those two events. --Wusten fuchs 13:32, 7 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Looks good now, so I'll pass the article. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 15:29, 7 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]