Talk:Mission San Luis Obispo de Tolosa
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[edit]We are a group of students at Cal Poly doing a project for our english class. If you have any input that you would like to add please feel free to contribute any information that you may have. Thank you. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Polymustang (talk • contribs) 20:16, 8 May 2007 (UTC)
instructor's comments
[edit]This adds lots of material to the original article, but it still need a good deal of editing.
Dont use terms without defining them--e.g.Neophytes What's meant by the "Discovery of San Luis Obispo"? It wasnt there yet. How can "many years" signify just three?
Dont use the term friendly for Indians or natives. How friendly if they burned the place down. There are three of you; you need to edit and proofread to make sure mistakes are eliminated and everything makes sense.
Why does History stop at 1819?
The section on Native Tribes isnt consistent with the previous section. The first paragraphs have nothing to do with the subject of the article and the last paragraph overlaps the subject of the previous section. You need to be working together to create a single article.
The same comment applies to "Goals of the Mission."
Citations: Study the guidelines on the citing sources page, with special attention to web sources. [1] The material in each of the sections must be provided with citations to provide crediblity and to assure that you are not copying or simply lifting material from a source.
Fix your reference section at the end.
This article is not ready to be graded, but in its present form would receive D+ Rudolph2007 14:10, 15 May 2007 (UTC)
In the year 1769, Gaspar de Portola discovered San Luis Obispo on a journey north to rediscover the Bay of Monterey [1]. It was in this year when San Luis Obispo received its nickname as the “Valley of the Bears” by diarist, Padre Juan Crespi[2]. Briefly following the discovery of San Luis Obispo, the city was forgotten for many years. In 1772,
Upon further investigation he was convinced that San Luis Obispo would be a perfect site for a mission based on its surplus of natural resources, good weather and the Chumash, a local friendly Indian tribe who could provide the labor for constructing the mission. The mission became the fifth in the mission chain constructed by Father Junipero Serra.[3]
Father Serra sent an expedition down south to San Luis Obispo to start building the mission. On September 1, 1772 a cross was erected near San Luis Obispo Creek However due to several Indian tribes which were determined to get rid of the white man, they set these buildings ablaze[4]
Starting in the year of 1794 Mission San Luis Obispo went through extensive building operations[5]. They helped build numerous buildings to accommodate the nearby Indians. They also made many improvements and additions to the Mission. The renovation was finally finished when they completed the quadrangle in 1819, celebrated a year later by the arrival of two mission bells from Lima, Peru [6].
One source for whole section
Source: The Chumash were physically and spiritually united with nature, and did not waste any part of any animal they killed, or any plant they pulled from the earth. They lived according to "nature's time", and believed that man's greed and desire for supremacy could eventually lead to his downfall.
Article:Despite the abundance of fish and game in the area the Chumash believed that no part of an animal should be put to waste, tribe members used every part of the catch and were grateful for the animal’s life. The tribe strongly believed in giving back to nature that was so generous to them, providing them with daily sustenance. The Chumash were united with nature and believed in “nature’s time”; meaning human’s greed could lead to downfall [12]
Indians--this section contains much material not relevant to the article's subject. That which is relevant, overlaps material in the previous section
Goals--more overlap problem. This section ignores the widespread view that the missionaries destroyed a culture and way of life that prospered for ten thousand years.
After almost 30 years, all of the missions become Catholic[17] .
Modern day uses--"the bulletin also includes the mission..." This section reads smoothly and is informative, but its tone is too promotional for a neutral encyclopedia article.
This version is considerably improved, but still far from a finished product. Several sections need major copy-editing, and the different sections have yet to be integrated.
C Rudolph2007 15:38, 24 May 2007 (UTC)
Picture
[edit]The picture of the article depicts the once New England style of the building. Yet, originally and today, the building is a Spanish style and the picture on the article should resemble that. --68.4.73.34 02:23, 21 October 2007 (UTC)
Why the prehistory of the native American peoples?
[edit]This discussion has been moved to Talk:Spanish missions in California. Mdhennessey (talk) 06:20, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
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Statue of Junípero Serra (San Luis Obispo, California)
[edit]Statue of Junípero Serra (San Luis Obispo, California) was redirected to this article. Feel free to use this old stub for future expansion, if ever a possibility. Happy editing! ---Another Believer (Talk) 20:57, 13 October 2021 (UTC)