Talk:Miles Dempsey/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Djmaschek (talk · contribs) 21:40, 17 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Review 1

Please fix or argue your case to not fix. There will be more to come. Djmaschek (talk) 00:05, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Introduction:
- Paragraph 2: "awarded Military Cross" > "awarded the Military Cross".
  Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Paragraph 2: "Iran during the Russian Civil War, and in India" > "in Iran during the Russian Civil War, and in India".
  Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Between the wars:
- Paragraph 1: "where formed part" > "where it formed part".
  Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Paragraph 1: "but in 1922 returned" > "but in 1922 he returned".
  Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Paragraph 2: "Dempsey remained in this post..." > This sentence is very long and awkward to read. Can it be written as 2 sentences?
  Y Split sentence. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Paragraph 6: "The brigade, commanded by..." > This sentence is very long and awkward to read. Can it be written as 2 sentences, perhaps with the second sentence starting with "after handing over again"?
  Y Split sentence. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Paragraph 6: Is GSO2 defined somewhere? I don't see it.
  Y Not very well, but added a link. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Review 2

Here's more. Djmaschek (talk) 01:45, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Belgium and France:
- Picture: "Miles Dempsey (center)" in the caption would be helpful.
  Y Changed as suggested. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Paragraph 3: Add Dyle and Scarpe river links.
  Y Linked. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Sicily and Italy:

- Picture: "Dempsey (left)" in the caption would be helpful.
  Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Paragraph 2: "developed by a Algiers known as Force 141" (something is wrong here: missing words in sentence?)
  Y Added missing words. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
North Western Europe:
- Paragraph 2: "which we called his 'whizzer' " ("we" makes it seem like this is from a quote, but there are no quote marks)
  Y Typo. Changed to "he". Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Paragraph 2: "it was it still a field" > "it was still a field" (extra word)
  Y Deleted. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Paragraph 3: Maurice Chilton (this is the second link)
  Y Unlinked. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Paragraph 3: "He later became Deputy Adjutant General at 21st Army Group HQ, and was replaced by ... Pyman" (who is he? replaced as what?) Suggest: "Chilton later became Deputy Adjutant General at 21st Army Group HQ, and was replaced as chief of staff by ... Pyman".
  Y Changed as suggested. Strictly speaking they were Dempsey's Brigadier, General Staff; "chief of staff" was a Montgomery change of doctrine. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Paragraph 4: "assisted heavy bombers" > "assisted by heavy bombers".
  Y Added missing word. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Paragraph 5: This might mention that Erskine was also dismissed. (I have the D'Este book.)
  Y Yes, he was. Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Far East"
- Paragraph 1: "in the far East" > "in the Far East".
  Y Capitalised. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Post-war career:

- Paragraph 1: "Although Montgomery wanted Dempsey to succeed him as CIGS." (not a sentence)
  Y Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Reputation:
- Last quote: "He has remained a showy figure" ("showy" is the opposite of introverted: could this be a typo for "shadowy"?)
  Y Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Overall:
- There is no explanation for his nickname Bimbo. Do any sources mention this?
  D'Este, Pyman and Rostron all say what I've said in footnote a: he was embarrassed by it, and never talked about it. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

All points addressed. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I checked. It's all there. GA. Splendid article. Djmaschek (talk) 03:01, 19 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

GA Notice

GA Notice
Hello, I just wanted to introduce myself and let you know I am glad to be reviewing the article Miles Dempsey in which you've been a major contributor, and has been nominated for GA-status according to the criteria. This process may take up to 7 days. Feel free to contact me with any questions or comments you might have during this period. Djmaschek (talk) 21:40, 17 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
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