Talk:Middle-earth: Shadow of War/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Shooterwalker (talk · contribs) 13:13, 26 April 2023 (UTC)

I'll take this one on. Look for comments within the week, if not sooner. Shooterwalker (talk) 13:13, 26 April 2023 (UTC)

• Gameplay
• "open world environment" can just be "open world"
• I'm not sure if the Batman comparison is useful to readers if they don't have that context.
• "Once the player lands eight consecutive strikes, they can perform a combat finisher move, massively damaging an enemy's health." -> You switch between the player and Talion doing actions. I can sort of understand the distinction between in-character abilities and out-of-character control, but this sentence seems to muddy that, and should probably be Talion. (Alternatively, pick one and stay consistent the whole way through.)
• "Shadow of War is made up of five different areas, which can be freely explored by players, who can explore these areas on foot or by riding on tamed beasts." -> "Shadow of War is made up of five different areas, which Talion can freely explored on foot or while riding tamed beasts."
• "There are side activities that Talion can participate in, such as purifying Haedir towers, which unlocks a fast travel point for players and reveals locations of interest to players, finding lost Gondorian artifacts, solving puzzles to unlock "ithildin doors", collecting Shelob's memories, and completing "Shadows of the Past" quests, which are challenges based on Celebrimbor's memories. " -> this is a long one and I'd recommend splitting it into two shorter sentences.
• "Players can then appoint one of their followers to become its new overlord, and unlock siege upgrades." -> "Players can then appoint one of their followers to become the new overlord of the fortress, and improve their fortress with siege upgrades."
• "Defense missions would become available" -> " Defense missions become available"
• "tracking the ones that have notable talents within the game, such as killing the player, or surviving an encounter with the player" -> " tracking the ones that have notable achievements within the game, such as killing the player, or surviving an encounter with the player"
• "Intels on these captains" -> "Intelligence on these captains"
• "send them to infiltrate the fortress" -> "send them to infiltrate a fortress"
• "warchiefs would then betray" -> "warchiefs will then betray"
• "in in-fighting scenarios" -> "in conflicts between orcs."
• "Players could access the game's marketplace, where they can purchase Loot Chests which provide players with gear and consumables, War chests that unlock followers and training orders that improve a follower's attributes, and "Spoils of War Chest" which unlocks high-level followers." -> "When the game was released, players could purchase reward chests through the game's marketplace. This included Loot Chests that provide players with gear and consumables, War chests that unlock followers and training orders that improve a follower's attributes, and "Spoils of War Chests" that unlock high-level followers."
• All comments aside, this article is very well-written.
• Plot
• "following Talion" -> even one or two words can add useful context here. (e.g.: "undead ranger Talion")
• "She uses the Ring to see into the future and directs Talion to the last Gondorian stronghold near Mordor, Minas Ithil, which is under siege by Sauron's forces, due to the city's possession of a valuable Palantír that allows whoever possesses it to see anything they wish, making it either a valuable tool for Celebrimbor or a powerful weapon for Sauron." -> this will read more smoothly as two shorter sentences
• "During this time, he assists Idril and Baranor in rescuing Gondorian survivors, helps the nature spirit Carnan (Toks Olagundoye) defeat the Balrog Tar Goroth and the necromancer Zog (Nolan North), is betrayed by one of his followers, and hunts the Nazgûl alongside Eltariel. " -> this is another long one, though I do understand you're trying to run through a list quickly.
• "Talion quickly begins to die, but is visited by Shelob in a vision. Shelob..." - > "Talion begins to die before seeing a vision of Shelob. She..."
• If the player takes on different characters in the DLC, it might be worth briefly mentioning that in the gameplay section.
• "who helps develop for Baranor gadgets" -> "who provides helpful inventions"
• Once again, this section is really well written. If there are a lot of comments, it's only because there's a lot of prose.
• Small aside, it might be useful to have a brief section at the start of the plot summarizing the relevant aspects of the LOTR setting, including Sauron and the Ring. This is probably more for a FA than a GA, but it gives outside readers enough context to understand what's going on.
• Development
• "Monolith Productions returned to lead the development of the sequel" -> "After the success of Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor, Monolith Productions returned to lead the development of the sequel."
• I'm once again unclear on what the comparison to Batman gives most readers.
• "backlash from fans of the series" -> I had to read heavily into the implication, but it sounds like Shelob wasn't a woman in the books. You should make this explicit.
• "is the first location" -> "was designed as the first location" (matching the tense of the other sentences)
• "The team took inspiration from Minas Tirith, from the films, and Roman architecture, while designing the look of the city, and consulted illustrator and architect Ted Nasmith." -> something about the comma use here is confusing
• "In a subsequent visit in the game, the city will be" -> "The team also planned for the city to be"
• "as the environment will be updated depending on the tribal origin of the orc overlord who is controlling the fortress " -> "with each environment changing depending on the tribe of the orc overlord controlling each fortress."
• "One of the main goals for the new nemesis system was to increase the variety of these emergent stories and be more "emotionally intense"" -> "Monolith aimed to improve the nemesis system by increasing the emotional intensity and variety of the emergent stories."
• "archetypes will appear " -> "archetypes were designed to appear"
• "Players also have the option to completely ignore the nemesis system and play Shadow of War like a hack and slash game." -> There are moments where you cross over from talking about designing the Nemesis System to just describing the gameplay. Try to rephrase, or move it to the gameplay section.
• "The game would also track" -> "The system was designed to track"
• "Each orc featured in the game has their own unique personality" -> "Monolith strived to give each orc their own unique personality."
• "In addition to the orcs, other enemies appear in the game. John Howe, the principal artist of the Lord of the Rings films, was recruited to design the appearances of ringwraiths. The Olog-Hai was a group of smart trolls created specifically for the game; their design was inspired by the super-soldiers from Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine." -> Is this on topic for the Nemesis System?
• Release
• ", until October 10, 2017," -> cut this and move it to the next shorter sentence about the game's release.
• The Play Anywhere feature doesn't have any real explanation. Is it important? If so, explain it.
• ""Slaughter Tribe Nemesis" and "The Outlaw Tribe Nemesis" -> are italics more appropriate than quotation marks?
• "Following their removal, WB Games released, in August 2018, the "Defintive Edition", which bundles the base game with all the expansion pass content." -> "Following the change, WB Games bundled all expansion pass content with the base game, releasing it as the "Definitive Edition" in August 2018."
• Reception
• "but remarked that the game feels bloated and they criticized the story" -> "but criticized the game's story and bloated size."
• "Several critics" -> "However, several critics"
• "Stapleton added that the game played "fast and loose" with Lord of the Ring lore, and described the dialogues in the game as "clunky" and "derivative"." -> " Stapleton added that the game played "fast and loose" with Lord of the Ring lore, while criticizing the game's dialog as "clunky" and "derivative"."
• "Critics have" -> "Critics had"
• "While journalists noted the distinctiveness of the game's five regions, they also noted their lack of new enemy types or gameplay."

That's a lot, I know. Take your time. The article is actually very well written and may even get to FA quality with marginally more work. We'll check back in with one more pass later. Great work so far. Shooterwalker (talk) 02:48, 11 May 2023 (UTC)

@Shooterwalker: - Thanks for the review! I think I have addressed most of the issues. OceanHok (talk) 16:23, 13 May 2023 (UTC)

It's in good shape. Let's wrap this up with a few leftover comments:

• "both of which based on J. R. R. Tolkien's legendarium." -> "both of which are based on J. R. R. Tolkien's legendarium." (or "were")
• "allowing Talion to gain followers from several races of Middle-earth and plan complex strategies using these to complete missions." -> "allowing Talion to gain followers from several races of Middle-earth and command them in warfare."
• "Shadow of War was more ambitious in scope when compared with Shadow of Mordor, with the introduction of various new gameplay mechanics and the expansion of the nemesis system, which aims to create procedurally generated orc characters that the protagonist can encounter in battles or recruit as followers." -> "Shadow of War expanded on the scope of Shadow of Mordor by introducing new game mechanics and extending the nemesis system, which procedurally generates orc characters to fight and recruit.
• "The gameplay and improved nemesis system were praised. Story elements, changes made to established characters, and the inclusion of microtransactions and loot boxes received some negative criticism." -> "Reviewers praised the gameplay and improved nemesis system, while criticizing the game's microtransactions, lootboxes, and story, including changes to characters seen in Tolkien's books."
• It might be worth mentioning that they removed the microtransactions after some criticism.
• The rest of the article is basically solid now. I might nitpick the fact that you start two sentences in a row with "Critics", in the final paragraph.

Thanks for your work on this. Shooterwalker (talk) 00:06, 15 May 2023 (UTC)

@Shooterwalker: - Thank you for the review. I have fixed the issues. OceanHok (talk) 11:22, 15 May 2023 (UTC)

This is definitely Good Article quality. You might even consider going for FA, since it's so close. Either way, thanks for your work on this. Shooterwalker (talk) 03:13, 18 May 2023 (UTC)