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Talk:Michael Phelps/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 05:01, 25 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Initial review

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All comments based on this version.

General
  • Not a big deal, but probably worth changing the 2 redirect links (green) to point directly to the desired URL and making sure the blue-highlighted links still work
 Done I removed one of the links and archived the blue links.
  • Nicknames in infobox need sourcing
 Done
  • Should nationality be American? Wouldn't one would be a citizen of the United States, but of American nationality?
 Done
  • Height needs a source
 Done
  • Considering it's linked right above, you can remove the "U.S." from the birthplace field
 Done
Lead
  • Middle name needs a source
 Done
  • DOB also needs sourcing
 Done
  • It should probably be kept to 3 paragraphs.
 Done
  • The second paragraph feels like a lead on from the end of the first, but all the material on medals should probably be combined and merged into the second or third paragraph
 Done
  • Future-proofing is good, but As of August 2, 2009 is probably too specific and feels outdated. I'd suggest removing it altogether since he'll never have broken less than 38 records.
 Done Removed sentence.
  • The first and second sentences should be combined by a clever use of connectives to make the prose less choppy.
 Done
  • The entire lead discusses his athletic achievements, but there's no biographical information. Per WP:LEAD, it should be a summary of the whole article—think of it as the article condensed to three paragraphs rather than an introduction.
 Done Per WP:LEAD, it also says to summarize the most important points which I think it does. It discusses what he's best known for, his Olympic history and it lists his most notable awards and other international achievements. I used the featured article Ian Thorpe as a reference and that articles lead is much similar to Phelps.
That FA was promoted back in 2006, so it's probably not the best example. The lead currently summarises the most important point of his career, but very little about him. You don't need an entire life history or anything like that, but a few sentences on what he does other than swim would improve the quality of the lead. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 17:24, 28 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Fair enough, I added more to the lead. Philipmj24 (talk) 00:05, 29 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Using colons in the middle of the prose is frowned upon; an emdash would be better.
 Done
  • "Thus far" is not the best phrase to use in an encyclopaedia.
 Done Already removed.
Early life
  • Seems to contradict the infobox—prose says he was born in Baltimore County (which, to me, suggests it wouldn't be the city) whereas the ibx says he was born the city of Baltimore.
 Done Tweaked.
  • What's his mother's maiden name?
 Not done I don't know. His books doesn't mention any maiden name used by Debbie and I can't find a reliable site that has it either. I really think this article should focus on Michael Phelps and not his mother.
Comment: I did a web search and found nothing as well, although the question is asked and has yet to be answered on WikiAnswers. HJ asked this to try to add some broadness of coverage to the article, which is a GA criterion. Airplaneman ✈ 05:58, 27 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Appreciate the help. I can scan through his books again and see If I find anything.Philipmj24 (talk) 13:59, 27 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • In his youth? Youth is relative depending on culture and not a good standard for an encyclopaedia. Is the exact age available?
 Done I couldn't find an exact age in his books but I did something better than, "In his youth"
  • Phelps proceeded to make a name for himself in swimming shortly thereafter sounds like a personal commentary.
 Done Removed.
  • There's very little biographical information; surprisingly little given the section's name.
2003 World Championships
  • What are the "Nationals"? You should cater for all readers, even Englishmen who know nothing about swimming! ;)
 Done Explained.
  • Abbreviations for units of measure shouldn't be spaced. For example: 200m freestyle or 200 meters freestyle, but not 200 m freestyle.
 Not done Per WP:UNITS, "Values and unit symbols are separated by a non-breaking space. The {{nowrap}} template or the   character can be used for this purpose. For example, use 10 m or 29 kg, not 10m or 29kg."
  • What on Earth is a "Duel in the Pool"? A little context for readers unfamiliar with the subject area can go a long way.
 Done Explained.
2004 Summer Olympics

Firstly, my apologies for taking so long to get back to the review. I've been busy elsewhere on-wiki and IRL. To the review:

  • This section needs a copy edit:
    • The prose is very repetitive (in his second event,... In his third event..., In his fourth event...)
 Done I tweaked the wording a little. If it's not good enough, just tell me.Philipmj24 (talk) 03:54, 7 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • There's a lack of commas—apart from being a bit repetitive, those sentences should read in his first event, whatever it was, ... because "whatever it was" is a subclause
  • There are similar comma problems in all the other sections until we get down to the personal life section, but I can't see any other issues there.
 Done I fixed the comma issues. If I missed something, just tell me.Philipmj24 (talk) 03:54, 7 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Personal life
  • Those quotes should be cited immediately, not just at the end of the sentence
 Done If I missed anything, just tell me.Philipmj24 (talk) 19:31, 7 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • News of the World should be in italics and, in that context, should be referred to as the News of the World
 Done
World records
  • His autobiography is probably not he best source to be using for these
 Done

All in all, this is a very good quality article. Once these concerns have been addressed, I'll take another look at the article, but I can't see any reason not to pass it when they've been addressed. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 01:46, 7 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

GA pass

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Apologies again for the delay in getting back to this, but, having re-read it, I'm happy to pass this. The only issue I can find is the DMY date in the world records section which should be consistent with the MDY format used in the rest of the article. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 13:23, 18 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Unrequested review

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I saw this article, and have some comments on it. I hope you don't mind if I put them here.

  • The reviewer said that "you can remove the "U.S." from the birthplace field". I disagree: above it shows his nationality, which can be completely different from his birth nation. The fact that it is already shown above only says that you don't have to link it again.
  • I assume the reviewer hasn't got that far yet, but all of the "honors and awards" and "world records" need sources.
  • Some sources don't show the publisher. For example: 131 correctly shows "Associated Press" as agency, but should also show ESPN as publisher. 134 correctly shows Reuters as agency, but should also show "Television New Zealand Limited" as publisher. References 142 also has this problem. I don't think this is a GA requirement, but if you want to make this a Featured Article, you might as well change it now.

For the rest, my quick review saw nothing strange about this article, and it looks (close to) GA-quality. The final decision to promote this will of course stay with HJ Mitchell, who may choose to ignore my advice. --EdgeNavidad (Talk · Contribs) 08:34, 3 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the input. I've already started referencing the "honors and awards" and "world records". No easy task but the world records are complete! I will have the "honors and awards" done shortley. As for the references, I made the requested changes. Thanks for taking time out of your day to look over the article.Philipmj24 (talk) 01:52, 5 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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