Talk:Michael Czugaj/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 00:36, 6 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this article shortly. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 00:36, 6 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I see many issues throughout the article. Here are some:

The first sentence reads like something out of a sensationalist newspaper with how the words are placed. Reword in a way most other articles have it.
"Czugaj was an apprentice glazier, keen surfer, one of eight children." Reword to make the sentence cleaner.
"Subsequent to the criminal proceedings in Bali, in 2008 Czugaj's older brother, Richard, pleaded guilty to assault and was sentenced to 18 months jail.[6]" I'm not convinced this is needed in the article, given it's not about Michael directly. Either way, the paragraph has some tone problems that are evident in the rest of the article, which causes problems.
"A subsequent appeal for a more lenient sentence was upheld on 26 April 2006." should be cited.
There are parts where the articles talks a lot more about the Bali Nine itself than the person. It's not too bad, but be careful about not going into too much of a tangent.
The citation needed has to be addressed.
There's not much on his early life. There's a bit, but it reads a bit cryptically, and ideally more could be found.
There are a few deadlinks in the article to fix: see here.
Many of the issues brought up in the two reviewed before this seem to apply here as well.

While this isn't an exhaustive list of issues, it's enough to tell me that the article should be failed outright, mainly due to the tone and tangent issues, though this article doesn't seem as bad as a couple others I read. Once everything I noted is addressed, it would be best to put the article up for peer review first. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 00:50, 6 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]