Talk:Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Cognissonance (talk · contribs) 02:26, 19 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I expect there's little chance for the IP-nominator to reply to the review. I want to review it anyway. For some reason.

Lead

"set four years after the events of Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots, where players control Raiden" — This reads like Raiden is playable in Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. Clarify with: "set four years after the events of Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. Players control Raiden".
"well received by critics with the staff noting" — To improve flow, put a comma after "critics".

Gameplay

GameTrailers (source 4) needs to be repaired so it links directly to the titled video.
The Siliconera (source 6) video has been made private. Find another source.
1UP.com (sources 7, 46, 71, 107) is a defunct website.
GamesRadar (source 8) does not go to the actual article, and the article is also totally fucked. Can't read with all the "%26ldquo;" going on. It should be replaced.
GameSpot (source 10) also redirects from its assumed location.
Siliconera (source 14) cites another author altogether than who wrote the article.
Cheat Code Central has already been established as unreliable according to WP:VGRS.
GamesRadar? (source 16) cites a different title, author and website from what it says in the article.

Synopsis

Setting and characters

Source 17 links to source 16.
Edge (source 18) doesn't exist anymore and also links to source 16.
Computer and Video Games (source 19) also links to source 16. It is archived, so I suggest that the parameter deadurl=yes be added to the source code and the url to source 16 removed.
Computer and Video Games (source 20) goes to GamesRadar.
The Gaming Liberty (source 21) is dead.
PlayStation Official Magazine (sources 23, 24, 25) articles don't seem to exist anymore.
"An additional member" is too similar to the previous "Additionally" and can simply be changed to "A member".
"not part of the Metal Gear Solid series" don't need to be in quotation marks. Also, link Metal Gear Solid series to Metal Gear.
CVG (source 27) links to GamesRadar.

Plot

GameSpot (source 34) is dead.
"his vision of a survival of the fittest society" can be improved with "his vision of a society where only the fittest survive". Link where only the fittest survive to Survival of the fittest.
"the brain-taking operation" can be simplified with "the operation".

Development

As Metal Gear Solid: Rising

"sidestory focused on Raiden since said character" — Fix with "side story focused on Raiden, since the character".
GameSpot (source 38) is dead.
andriasang.com (source 39) is dead.
Source 40 merely links to the GameTrailers YouTube homepage. Use Wired or IGN.
Source 42 says it is Joystick (meaning Joystiq?) but links to Engadget.
Source 45 doesn't link to the correct article.
"which may necessitate censorship in the domestic Japanese release of the game. As a result, the version of the E3 2010 trailer available for viewing on the game's official Japanese website has had such scenes removed" — Past tense consistency and flow: "which would necessitate censorship in the domestic Japanese release of the game. As a result, the version of the E3 2010 trailer available for viewing on the game's official Japanese website had such scenes removed".
"While it was considered important to give the players freedom Matsuyama indicated that" — Put a comma after "freedom".
Eurogamer.net (source 47) only cites the information on page 2.
"hunting stealth." — The second quotation mark should come before the period.
"players in Rising would instead" — Improve with "players in Rising can instead".
"Kojima had stated the game remains significantly different from existing Metal Gear games, although he has retained an element of control over it and will not let it stray too far from the series' roots" — Past tense consistency: "Kojima had stated the game remained significantly different from existing Metal Gear games, although he retained an element of control over it and would not let it stray too far from the series' roots".
CVG (sources 51, 52) links to GamesRadar.

Move to PlatinumGames

"who asked him about the state of Metal Gear Solid: Rising and Kojima later requested them to work in the game" — Fix run-on sentence: "who asked him about the state of Metal Gear Solid: Rising. Kojima later requested them to work in the game".
Edge (sources 54, 57) doesn't seem to exist anymore.
Kotaku (sources 55, 56) doesn't have the first= last= date= parameters.
"the original staff did not find it fit with" Clarify: "the original staff did not find a way for it to fit with".
"However, they were incorporated" — Fix grammar and flow: "However, it was later incorporated".
"Artist Yoji Shinkawa worked in the game" can be fixed with "Artist Yoji Shinkawa worked on the game".
"while freelancer artist Kenichirou Yoshimura is the character designer whose objective is making his work fit with Shinkawa's style" — Fix prose: "while freelancer artist Kenichirou Yoshimura was the character designer who would make his work fit with Shinkawa's style".
Platinum Games (source 61) should link to this site.
"while the stating" — Fix grammar: "while stating that".
Computer and Video Games (source 64) goes to GamesRadar.
"being accessible to people who have not played" — Past tense consistency: "being accessible to people who had not played".
"As in the original scrapped version Korekado stated that the staff's objective is to make" — Past tense consistency and grammar: "As with the original scrapped version, Korekado stated that the staff's objective was to make".
"without a Japanese voice localization but in August 2012" — Improve flow with a comma after "localization".
GamingUnion.net (source 69) should be replaced if possible.
"for the first time in the E3 2012 during early June with Kojima having been involved on its making" — Fix grammar: "for the first time in the E3 2012 during early June, with Kojima having been involved in creating it".
"In following weeks" can be fixed with "in the following weeks".
"multiple questions regarding these teasers to which they responded" — Put comma after "teasers".
" The teasers are meant to give a few hints regarding the game's plot and none of the footage is to be used in it" — Past tense consistency: "The teasers were meant to give a few hints regarding the game's plot and none of the footage was to be used in it".

Music

"Christopherson also contributed by writing thirteen vocal songs which includes electronic music" — Past tense consistency: "Christopherson also contributed by writing thirteen vocal songs which included electronic music".
Jamie Christopherson's website (source 77) should be replaced if possible.

Release

GameSpot (source 80) is dead.
Computer and Video Games (source 82) links to GamesRadar as always.
Not sure if Anime News Network (source 86) is reliable.
GameSpot (sources 87, 88) is dead.
Gamingeverything.com (source 89) is dead.
Cite Eurogamer as the website for source 90.
"with Kojima stating that" — Improve flow with "with Kojima stating,".
"The PC version was released in January 9, 2014" — Fix grammar: "The PC version was released on January 9, 2014".
"a fix was issued in January 10, 2014" — Fix grammar: "a fix was issued the following day".
Not sure if SavyGamer (sources 97, 98) is reliable.

Downloadable content

Body types

Konami (source 103) never seems to connect to the site.

Reception

Pre-release

"He acknowledged the mixed reaction to the unveiling of Rising, but hopes gamers will spot" — Past tense consistency: "He acknowledged the mixed reaction to the unveiling of Rising, but hoped gamers would spot".
"Inaba promises its" can be fixed with "Inaba promised that its".
Cinema Blend (source 114) has been established as unreliable according to WP:VGRS.

Post-release

Computer and Video Games (source 120, 122) links to GamesRadar.
"with the creation of this Metal Gear spin-off expanding the franchise" — Replace "this" with "the" and "expanding" with "to expand" for a more formal reading.
"which not only allowed players slice enemies" — Fix grammar: "which not only allowed players to slice enemies".
GameTrailers (source 125) does not link to the correct location.
GameSpot (source 124) is dead.
"stating that the combat was the only real highlight of the game, reserved about the superficiality of even the combat element itself, commenting "(the) Combat is entertaining, but "style over substance" is the defining theme."" — Fix: "stating that the combat was the only real highlight of the game. He was reserved about the combat element itself, commenting that it was "entertaining", but prioritized style over substance".
"The plot was found" and "role and development were found" need to be more varied.
"his violent attitude that made him" — Fix grammar: "the violent attitude that made him".
LazyGamer (source 130) has been established as an unreliable source according to WP:VGRS.

Sales

"Tatsuya Minami said he expects good sales" — Past tense consistency: "Tatsuya Minami said he expected good sales".
"the game topped Japan's Media Create and Enterbrain Japan charts list selling" — Change "list" to "lists" and put a comma after it.

Sequel

MGSTV (source 139) is not necessary when it's citing VG247 as a source.
"Following the game's release Kojima was impressed with Platinum Games' work in" — Put a comma after "release" and replace "in" with "on".
"As the original project from the game was telling Raiden's life before Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots Kojima" — Improve prose: "As the original project told of Raiden's life before Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots, Kojima".
"as a result of being an intersequel. As a result, he is unable to confirm such story" Fix: "because of being an intersequel. As a result, he was unable to confirm that such a story".
"Hideo Kojima told SPOnG that he would like to make a sequel of Metal Gear Rising" — Fix grammar: "Hideo Kojima told SPOnG that he would like to make a sequel to Metal Gear Rising".
Remove "He said that if it does happen, he would like Platinum Games to develop it." This has already been established in the previous section.
"a survey for Metal Gear Rising in their official site" — Fix grammar: "a survey for Metal Gear Rising on their official site".
"asking fans if they want a sequel and if so what they would like to see in it" — Improve flow: "asking fans if they wanted a sequel, and if so, what they would like to see in it".

Overall

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
Some of the Downloadable content section may be OR.
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall: The problems with prose are almost forgiveable, but the references are not. This is an immediate fail, especially since the nominator is an IP and would not be able to address these issues at this time. I finished the review even after realizing the references were a mess, so that the next nominator knows what needs to be done.
Pass/Fail:
Cognissonance (talk) 02:26, 19 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]