Talk:Merritt A. Edson/GA1
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GA Review
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- It is reasonably well written:
- Not Yet
- The lead needs to be expanded to summarize the entire article.
- Done. --Kumioko (talk) 20:28, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- The "Central America & China" section needs to be copy-edited because it is written in passive tense.
- Longdashes should not have spaces between them. The format for them is "word—word". Please make this consistent in the article. Also, remove the endashes (-) and replace them with longdashes in the prose.
- Done. --Kumioko (talk) 20:28, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- "was awarded a Gold Star in lieu of a second Legion of Merit." - Explain what a gold star is here, the average person does not know.
- "He set up an efficient organization on a semi-military basis," - explain this.
- Done. --Kumioko (talk) 14:17, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- Parenthesis should not be in leads. The Navy Cross headers should be renamed.
- Done. --Kumioko (talk) 02:14, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- The "Other Honors" section is too short to be its own section. It should be either merged into another section or removed. Also, it should be referenced.
- Done. I added some info and references. I had to remove the bit about Edson Hall until I find a reference but once I track that down I will add that back in. --Kumioko (talk) 03:39, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- Finally, the article should be copy edited. I see a lot of run-on sentences and sentence fragments interspersed throughout. A MILHIST copy edit would solve this if you want someone else to look into it.
- It is factually accurate and verifiable:
- Not Yet
- His commission date needs a ref.
- Done. --Kumioko (talk) 02:16, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- "His efforts greatly contributed to the organization and establishment of this "University for Marines"." - Needs a ref
- Done. --Kumioko (talk) 14:16, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- "his exhibition of coolness, intrepidity, and dash so inspired his men that superior forces of bandits were driven from their prepared positions and severe losses inflicted upon them." - Needs a ref.
- it became "Edson's Ridge", in high honor of the officer who "was all over the place, encouraging, cajoling, and correcting as he continually exposed himself to enemy fire." - Needs a ref.
- Done. --Kumioko (talk) 02:29, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- From then on Col Edson was known by all as "Red Mike". - Needs a ref.
- Done. --Kumioko (talk) 02:29, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- "A brother officer said of him shortly thereafter that officers and men would willingly follow him anywhere—the only problem was to keep up with him." - Needs a ref.
- Done. --Kumioko (talk) 02:29, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- "It was also said that he was not readily given to a show of emotion." - Said by who? Unless a reference can be given for this claim, it needs to be removed.
- Done. --Kumioko (talk) 14:17, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- "When the war's over; when the job's done." - Needs a ref.
- Done. --Kumioko (talk) 14:16, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- "MajGen Edson's civilian service was equally distinguished." -This is a statement of opinion which needs a ref or to be removed.
- Done. --Kumioko (talk) 14:16, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- It is broad in its coverage:
- Pass No problems there.
- It follows the neutral point of view policy:
- Not Yet The article is written with a pro-US military slant. It needs to be written in a completely neutral tone.
- "A brother officer said of him..." - terms like "brother officer" are not professional and need to be removed from the text. It needs to be written professionally, per WP:TONE. Same goes for "...more than 30 years in the military service of his country." later on.
- Done. I reworded this and removed the 2nd piece. --Kumioko (talk) 14:16, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- It is stable:
- Pass No problems there.
- It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate:
- Pass No problems there.
- Overall:
- On Hold until issues are resolved. 00:23, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- All right. The fixes have addressed the concerns to my satisfaction. The article now meets GA criteria according to my interpretation of them. Well done. —Ed!(talk) 15:37, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
- On Hold until issues are resolved. 00:23, 20 July 2009 (UTC)