Talk:Merrill Bradshaw/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Aircorn (talk · contribs) 04:16, 21 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Some comments below regarding the prose; some required for GA status, others just suggestions. Images are fine, references spot checked good. Broadness seems good and nothing on earwigs copyright tool. AIRcorn (talk) 20:47, 22 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

(18 June 1929 – 12 July 2000 in St. George, Utah) Not sure what the in St. George, Utah refers to.
who often first directed his works Not entirely clear on what this means.
He was an assistant director of the ROTC Male Chorus for one year and graduated in music theory in 1954. Should spell out ROTC
Bradshaw received a both masters in music and a doctorate of musical arts from the University of Illinois, which he attended in 1955–56 and again in 1961–62. Grammar. Also could you wikilink University of Illinois, there seem to be a few options
Alot of red links as people he studied with. Is there any context to mentioning them?
He also studied with Gordon Binkerd, Robert Kelly, Robert Moffat Palmer, and Burrill Phillips.Pfitzinger 2017 Something strange here. I think a reference is mis-formated.
In addition to being a professor at BYU, Bradshaw was also the first to hold the position of composer-in-residence there 1967–1994 Years need to be presented better
He was chairman of composition and theory 1973–1983, where he taught Charis Bean Duke, David Sargent, and Lynn Richard Shurtleff Ditto the years, brackets would work. Not made clear why his students are relevant enough to mention by name.
Bradshaw was president of the Arts Council of Central Utah and one of its founders in 1968. He also contributed to the State Institute of the Arts. He received the Karl G. Maeser Research and Creativity Award in 1967, and a Distinguished Faculty Lecturer in 1981 Are any of these notable enough for at least a red link?
More years needing better delineation
Maybe some more links (blue if possible) in his career. It appears a little underwhelming.
The Barlow Endowment became a large commissioning program for both LDS and non-LDS composers. Should spell out anagrams the first time they are used.
In 1973–1978 Bradshaw served the LDS Church as head of composition for the Church Music Committee and also chaired an LDS Church committee to revise the hymnbook Should it be "From 1973-1978 Bradshaw ..."
Merrill and Janet Bradshaw had seven children Doesn't seem to fit under career.
A little confused with the chronology. ...1978, with a different committee deciding the final 1985 version, which was much more similar to the 1950 version than Bradshaw's committee had planned There are seven years missing here. What happened in the intermediate years? Am I missing something?
Lacking quite a few blue links in general. Different orchestras, styles, people etc. Did some, but not all. If composers that performed his work are not notable enough for a wikipedia article then it is debatable whether they should be mentioned here, at least without some justification on why they are important.
A long list of selected works. If you want to keep them all would it be better to put them in columns?

@Rachel Helps (BYU): in case you have missed this. AIRcorn (talk) 07:15, 30 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Hi @Aircorn:, thank you for the review. I'm busy gearing up for an editing event I'm running next week, but I hope to respond to your review by next Thursday, 2/7. Rachel Helps (BYU) (talk) 19:47, 30 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

No problem. Just wanted to make sure you had seen it. Ping me when you are ready for a second look. AIRcorn (talk) 20:16, 30 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@Aircorn: I believe I've addressed all the points you mentioned above. I did add some wikilinks, but I also moved or removed others (I was inconsistent). I've tried to wikilink names or places only the first time they appear, per MOS:REPEATLINK--but if there are instances where you feel another link is necessary, or I missed something important, please let me know. Rachel Helps (BYU) (talk) 18:51, 7 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. I am just finishing off a GA of my own and then I will get back to this one. AIRcorn (talk) 01:13, 9 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you. Will pass this now. Congratulations. AIRcorn (talk) 05:44, 14 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]