Talk:Mereka Bilang, Saya Monyet!

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Mereka Bilang, Saya Monyet!/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: TBrandley (talk · contribs) 14:51, 25 August 2012 (UTC)

• Infobox: Unlink "Indonesian language" per WP:OVERLINK

• It's hardcoded into the template. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:39, 27 August 2012 (UTC)

• Plot: "with whom she is also sleeping". Huh?

• Changed to "with whom she is also having sex"

• Cast: WP:MOS recommends using straight prose rather than bulleted and numbered lists where feasible. I'd look for a way to compress the cast list into several paragraphs

• Not done. Compare FAs Manhunter and ?

• Production: Link the US dollar

• Done, although somewhat reluctantly since US$ is fairly familiar.

• External links: TV.com link?

Not on that site. Most Indonesian films have poor entries on the usual EL destinations, if they have them at all.

• External links: Categories should be sorted in alphabetical order

• Done. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 15:27, 25 August 2012 (UTC)

More to come later today. TBrandley 15:02, 25 August 2012 (UTC)

More comments

• Reception: "was also screened" "also" not needed

• Done.

• Reception: "warm reviews". Change to something like "positive reviews"

• Done.

• Awards → Accolades

• Not done. Aside from them all being awards (the Citra Award, to be precise) previous FAs like Ruma Maida and ? use the same format.

• Awards: Debold award titles per MOS:BOLD, WP:CONTEXTLINK

• That's being automatically bolded by the table from having scope="row". I could remove that, but ACCESS says we need it. Which is the lesser of two evils? — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:29, 28 August 2012 (UTC)
  • Well; I'd say WP:ACCESS, since "scope=row" are important very. So, no changes needed, I suppose. Not sure.

• References: Should be sub-sections as per MOS:ACCESS

• Done.

• External links: Categories still aren't sorted in alphabetical order

• Forgot to mention this. "Indonesian language films" is hardcoded into the template. Do you know a way to override that?
  • Sorry, no. That's fine for now then.

Sorry for the wait. Your patiences was appreciated. Been a bit busy. Anyway, that's all. Cheers, TBrandley 16:26, 28 August 2012 (UTC)

Wow; great work. Pass. TBrandley 23:36, 28 August 2012 (UTC)

• Thanks for the review! — Crisco 1492 (talk) 03:17, 29 August 2012 (UTC)

PR comments

Per User talk:Crisco 1492; I'm just adding these here rather than through a formal peer review.

• When you mention its status as the first Indonesian digital feature film in the lead; it sounds as though you're saying it was the first one released (in the country) as opposed to produced (from the country, probably would be best).

• Added

• "The writer Adjeng (Titi Sjuman)" -> Adjeng (Titi Sjuman), a writer," -> Otherwise you seem to be mentioning her as the film's writer rather than as a writer within the narrative.

• Done, dur...

• "Adjeng feels sad and goes outwith Venny and Andien" -> I think "Adjeng feels sad" could be phrased a little better. Perhaps "Upset, Adjent goes out" or the like. Also "out with" needs a space.
• I've never been keen on cast sections which don't elaborate on anything other than fiction; can we add maybe some casting or reception material to some of these entries to enhance the real-world focus?

• The plot section doesn't mention the maid, although the characters section could be

• "Mereka Bilang, Saya Monyet! was originally meant to be based on the titular short story from Djenar Maesa Ayu's 2002 debut, a critically and commercially successful short story anthology of the same name." -> I think, reading this, that the collection and the story are both called Mereka Bilang, Saya Monyet!, am I correct? Might be worth phrasing this as "The film was..." and then using the title to refer to either the book or story, to keep things a little less skirted-around.

• Done, agree.

• Is this the same story collection you sent me stuff from?

• I forget what I sent you :-p. I think so, the one about painting the windows. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 16:11, 24 September 2012 (UTC)

• "She also reviewed films directed by her father" -> unless you mean she actually acted as a reviewer (for a newspaper or something) then I'd use a different verb here. It's not used incorrectly but its dual meanings can be confused in this context.

• Watched

• ""in a kissing scene, when [she] kiss[es] a man, [her] body should not reject it"" -> three amendments seems a bit much; can the sentence be worded in such a way to allow the original wording to fit? If not it might be better to take "when [she] kiss[es] a man" out, replace it with ellipses, and convey it that way.

• Ellipses added. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 16:11, 24 September 2012 (UTC)

• "Several of the established actors cast, including Jajang C. Noer, Ray Sahetapy, and August Melasz, agreed to appear in the film for less than their usual fee." -> Out of curiosity, is there an equivalent to America's scale pay (I think Equity also enforces something similar so it might be worth noting if they were working "to scale"; if there's no equivalent then how it is is fine).

• I don't think so, but I could look into it. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 16:11, 24 September 2012 (UTC)

• "he writes that this ultimately allows Adjeng" -> since we're talking about Adjeng's writing, I'd replace "he writes" with something else; "he feels", "he posits", etc.

• I like posits. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 16:11, 24 September 2012 (UTC)

• "According to Tempo, the film's style is "anti-Sjuman"" -> given that this is a coinage, I'd place it as a more direct attribution to Tempo, perhaps as "Tempo described the film's style as "anti-Sjuman""; otherwise the implication is that "anti-Sjuman" is a standard category and Tempo have simply placed this film in it.

• Good point. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 16:11, 24 September 2012 (UTC)

• I'm not sure if note C is necessary; I'd just stick it as either a continuation of the sentence it's attached to or a new sentence after it.

• Considering the main page complaint about the DYK I figured making this clear was a good idea. Don't think it flows with the paragraph, so I've hidden it.. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 16:11, 24 September 2012 (UTC)

• "a behind the scenes documentary." -> "behind the scenes" is one compound adjective modifying "documentary" so I'd say it should be hyphenated as "behind-the-scenes documentary".

• Sounds logical. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 16:11, 24 September 2012 (UTC)

• I'm slowly learning more and more about WP:ACCESS; but I was recently advised that rowspans aren't screen-reader-friendly. Given that it's only a few year fields which are spanned in the table I'd say it'd probably be better to err on the side of caution and just repeat the fields instead of spanning them.

• Reading that discussion I'm not sure if I agree, as repeating year and award title would be quite repetitive and (honestly) look untidy. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 16:11, 24 September 2012 (UTC)

• That's it from me; if you take this to FAC give me a ping about an image review or the like. GRAPPLE X 15:53, 24 September 2012 (UTC)

• Thanks for the look! — Crisco 1492 (talk) 16:11, 24 September 2012 (UTC)

Formatting

There's a parenthetical comment about this being the first digital film shot in Indonesia or something along those lines in the intro section of the article between "film" and "adapted." The formatting of this clause is apparently wrong since it doesn't show up in the article and leaves no space between film and adapted. I don't know how to fix this, but someone should. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 71.79.75.83 (talk) 12:23, 14 May 2014 (UTC)