Talk:Mauricio Macri/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Mike Christie (talk · contribs) 01:36, 15 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 01:36, 15 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

I'll copyedit as I go through; please revert if I make a mess of anything. It might take me a day or two to complete the review.

The following links appear to be dead, or else they don't go to the page cited: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6], [7], [8], [9] (this one looks like it should be the official site, but it redirects, which is odd), [10], [11], [12].
The lead has nothing about his presidential career or his policies; it should summarize the article and currently does not.
I'd suggest cutting the Tandil landscape; he was born in the city, and this is some unremarkable countryside nearby that tells the reader nothing.
Franco requested a prenuptial agreement: who is Franco?
Franco Macri, Mauricio's father. nial (talk) 03:35, 5 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Jorge Lemus performed first aid to save his life: I had to rely on Google Translate for this, but the source doesn't seem nearly this dramatic -- it seems he choked and they couldn't get the moustache out of his throat, so Lemus told him to swallow it. Is this really worth including in the article?
There are no dates after the first one in the "Boca Juniors" section: some are needed for context.
He arranged that Boca Juniors worked in the stock exchange, to earn enough money to buy new players: what does this mean? The players worked in the stock exchange?
and finished the tournament in 10th place: "league" would be more natural in English than "tournament", which usually means a knock-out competition of some kind.
You might consider merging the Boca section with the "Early life" section; the timelines overlap a fair bit and it would avoid having to jump back in time at the start of the Boca section.
According to a 2007 report, Macri had participated in only 44 of 321 elections; he countered that he had become disappointed with Congress, since bills sent by the president were not open to debate or amendment: this is unclear, but it seems "elections" can't be the right word here. Do you mean "votes"?
Ibarra was impeached and removed from office in 2006 as a result of the República Cromañón nightclub fire, and his term was completed by vice-chief of government Jorge Telerman.: why do we care about this in this article?
During 2006, Macri alternated his political activities as deputy with his presidency of Boca Juniors: I suspect "alternated" is the wrong word here. It implies he worked in both roles in alternating periods. Do you mean he performed both roles during this time?
Before the 2007 national elections, he was in discussions with Neuquén Province governor Jorge Sobisch: vague. Discussions about what?
The article doesn't say if he was still a member of the Chamber of Deputies at the time he ran for mayor the second time. It seems the usual term was four years, so I'd guess he was in the middle of his first term when he ran for mayor, but this should be clearer to the reader.
De Narvaez defeated Kirchner in Buenos Aires Province and Gabriela Michetti (Macri's candidate) won the city election: I think we should be specific about exactly what they were elected for, so the reader can judge the importance of their victories to Macri.
setting the stage for Macri's presidential candidacy in 2011: needs rephrasing, since he apparently did not run for president that year.
construction will begin under Horacio Rodríguez Larreta: needs an "as of" date.
for being incompatible with the line: "incompatible" would imply they could not function with the line; were they in fact never used?
There's an uncited sentence in the "Metropolitan police" section.
Elisa Carrió thought that Macri had abandoned the transfer request: this is the first we've heard of Carrió, so this doesn't really tell us anything.
The bill to create the Metropolitan Police was apparently rejected, but then we hear that it started with nearly 1,000 officers, so did the bill in fact pass?
the metropolitan police worked on a small scale during the transition and more complex tasks were reserved for the federal police: this doesn't sound like the right translation of the source. What exactly was reserved for the federal police?
The transfer of police protection to the city: I don't know what this means. The elimination of federal police jurisdiction?
A gay couple, José María Di Bello and Alex Freyre, were forbidden to marry in Buenos Aires: putting it this way implies these two specifically were forbidden, but I would guess the law at the time would have forbidden any gay couple from marrying.
Macri ran for president of Argentina in 2015: under what party banner? This should be in the first sentence.
Failing to receive enough support, the Broad Front UNEN coalition disbanded; Elisa Carrió and the Radical Civic Union created Cambiemos, a new coalition with the Republican Proposal: again this has no context. None of these people or groups have been mentioned before except Carrió, who was named without explanation. Was she a candidate for president for the Broad Front UNEN?
You introduce the PRO abbreviation early on, but rarely use it; I think it would be easier on the reader to consistently use it instead of sometimes saying "Republican Proposal".
Macri declined a political alliance with Massa, and kept María Eugenia Vidal as candidate for governor of Buenos Aires Province: what does "kept" mean here? Macri had the right to choose? Vidal was already a candidate?
The paragraph starting "He criticized Scioli..." seems like a series of non sequiturs. The reader doesn't know yet that Scioli is an FPV candidate. What were the warnings, exactly? Is this the negative campaigning mentioned in the previous sentence? Public awareness of what? Was the entire campaign supposed to have been suggested by Santana, or just the negative approach?
Why do we need the quote from Obama and the mention of the phone call? This sort of congratulation is standard for many US partners.
Why do we have details such as the exact time he left his apartment, and the route he walked? Even in the article on his inauguration this might be too trivial; here it seems quite unnecessary. I think his inauguration ceremony needs no more than a couple of sentences; plus whatever needs to be said about the difficulties in the transition, threats, and other related information.
the highest fiscal pressure in history: what does this mean?
There had been a sovereign default since 2001, and a conflict existed with hedge funds: This had such an effect on the economy that I think a little more detail is warranted; the related US court decisions presumably bore heavily on Macri's economic policy.
Economists described the move as "perfectly orchestrated".: I can't see the source, so it's hard to judge, but do we really need this?
Macri wanted to negotiate with the holdouts: this paragraph is incomprehensible to a reader who doesn't already know what the problems were.
Although Cambiemos did not have a majority in either house of Congress: So Cambiemos is Macri's party? That's not something that was clear already; I thought he was in PRO, which was in alliance with Cambiemos.
He was one of the best-known figures at the meeting, along with Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau and US vice president Joe Biden.: suggest cutting this.
the economy at large did not recover at the pace expected: expected by whom? The same question applies to the next sentence.
lowered its country risk classification from seven points to six: the numbers don't really mean anything without context; either eliminate the numbers or explain them.
The last paragraph of "Economic policy" has forward looking statements; these need "as of" qualifiers, and should be updated -- for example a plan to do something in April 2017 shouldn't be in the future tense.
The increases were met with protests in a number of cities by people with banners, bugles and noise-making cacerolazos: do we need to describe the details of the protest like this? It seems a minor detail.
which was greeted with relief: by whom? Everyone? The source used here doesn't appear to support anything in these sentences.
As above, we don't need to quote Obama's praise, though the declassification is definitely worth mentioning.
Why is it relevant who Malcorra supported in the US election?
Macri forged diplomatic relations with Trump, tightening control of immigration, limiting the entry of convicted criminals and facilitating the deportation of foreigners who commit crimes: the first six words seem to be unrelated to the rest of the sentence; those actions of Macri's had nothing to do with diplomatic relations with the US.
The Iranian paragraph isn't clear to a reader not familiar with the issues. Why did Israel object to the memorandum? What was unconstitutional about it? If the memorandum would have established a joint investigation, and he encouraged continued investigations, why did he oppose the memorandum?
See WP:CRITS; the controversy section would be better integrated into the main run of the article.

I haven't checked for comprehensiveness or done a spot check on the sources. I'm afraid I don't think there is any way this article can pass GA in a reasonable time frame, so I'm going to fail it; there's plenty of good material, but the article needs substantial work before it can pass GA. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 05:12, 15 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]