Talk:Matthew Norman/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 00:08, 6 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this article shortly. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 00:08, 6 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I see many issues throughout the article. Here are some:

The first sentence reads like something out of a sensationalist newspaper. Perhaps just say that he "is an Australian (occupation, which wasn't clear) who was imprisoned.."
"His appeal to the Indonesian Supreme Court to have the sentence reduced suffered a shock when the Supreme Court imposed the death penalty on 6 September 2006" this sentence and many throughout have a poor tone to them, rendering this article almost unencyclopedic. Tone-wise, it pretty much needs a rewrite.
Unlike many of the other people, I'm seeing pretty much no personal info, which is concerning. I would have to think there's at least a little bit out there.
"claim that Norman was involved in an attempt in December 2004, at trafficking from Indonesia to Australia." Confusing as worded, not entirely sure what it's trying to say.
"The delivery was aborted when heroin suppliers failed to deliver "due to a financial matter or someone knowing about the plan the shipment was cancelled"." Somewhat of a run-on; the quote would be better off ending at plan.
"Of the nine arrested, Norman was the youngest.[5]" this could be combined into the sentence a couple paragraphs up noting he's 18.
There are parts where the articles talks a lot more about the Bali Nine itself than the person. It's not too bad, but be careful about not going into too much of a tangent.
The citation needed has to be addressed, especially what it is.
There are a few deadlinks in the article to fix: see here.
Many of the issues brought up in the two reviewed before this seem to apply here as well.

While this isn't an exhaustive list of issues, it's enough to tell me that the article should be failed outright. Once everything I noted is addressed, it would be best to put the article up for peer review first. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 00:26, 6 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]