Talk:Mashrafe Mortaza/GA1

GA Review

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I will be reviewing this article shortly. On a quick look, the article appears to be well written and adequately referenced. -- Mattinbgn\^talk 05:10, 10 December 2008 (UTC)

Note all the below are suggestions only:

• starting from the lead:
  • nickname in the infobox needs a source
  • consider linking vice-captain to Captain (cricket)#Vice-captaincy
  • link Zimbabwe national cricket team
  • "Mortaza is acclaimed as one of the fastest bowlers ..." Is "acclaimed" the right word, perhaps "recognised" or "considered"
  • link bowling
  • link century

• Done all. Nev1 (talk) 20:21, 14 December 2008 (UTC)

• Personal life
  • "Despite this, his bowling is his main attribute ..." Is there any information about why he came to concentrate on bowling? Also I am not sure that "Despite" is quite the right word. An interest in batting does not preclude taking up bowling. Perhaps, "Eventually, (encouraged by his coach ?), Mortaza turned to bowling with his pace seeing him dubbed in the media as the "Narali express"?
    • Of course not, but Mortaza was more interested in batting than bowling, so despite seems appropriate. I think the problem is I didn't emphasise this, so I've said "especially batting" in the article. Based on [1]:

"Sport was a blessed release for his energies, although cricket was by no means his only focus - football and badminton also competed for his time. And even when he did play, he was more excited at the prospect of wielding a bat than flinging a ball."

• Unfortunately I can't find anything saying who encouraged him to concentrate on his batting. Nev1 (talk) 21:42, 19 December 2008 (UTC)

• • "In 2006, Mortaza married Sumona Haque Shumi. The two met at Victoria College" Combine these two short sentences and perhaps place in chronological order, i.e. At Victoria College, Mortaza met Sumona Haque Shumi, whom he would marry in 2006?
    • Done. Nev1 (talk) 21:12, 19 December 2008 (UTC)
  • Do we know anything about his parents, schooling, social class etc?
    • Unfortunately, the rather slim personal life section is all I could find. Nev1 (talk) 21:12, 19 December 2008 (UTC)

• Emergence
  • "Due to his international commitments ..." The placement of this paragraph here seems strange to me. Given the heading, I expected to read about his early career not an overview of his domestic cricket career. I would move this to the very end of the career section.
    • I knew it was a bit of a non-sequitor, but when I wrote it I couldn't think where to put it. I think it actually works well in the lead and that's where I've put it. The prominent position in the article also explains why his domestic cricket is talked about so little. Nev1 (talk) 21:12, 19 December 2008 (UTC)
  • "Mortaza is one of the best pace bowlers to have emerged from Bangladesh" Says who? A claim like this should be attributed. "Most successful" or highest wicket taker" are facts, "best" is opinion and should be attributed to someone.
    • I was sure I had a reference for that, but I'm damned if I can find it. In the sources he's sometimes called a world class bowler (not something I've seen other Bangladesh bowlers called), and clearly international opinion is that he's the best as he's the only Bangladesh fast bowler to have made the Asia XI squad, but for neutrality I've changed it to successful.
  • "Under Roberts' recommendation ..." New paragraph at the end of this sentence a
    • Done. Nev1 (talk) 20:49, 19 December 2008 (UTC)
  • "He had only played one match for Bangladesh A ..." Try "After a succesful (what did he do?) first match with Bangladesh A, he was selected to make his Test debut against Zimbabwe at the Bangabandhu National Stadium in Dhaka in November 2001."
    • Changed to "After only one match for Bangladesh A (to date his only Bangladesh A game), Mortaza made his Test debut". His stats for the his only Bangladesh A match are less than impressive, and although stats don't tell the whole story I'm unable to find a match report to see if he did anything that caught the selectors' eye. It's looks like he was chosen on raw talent and Roberts' advice. Nev1 (talk) 20:49, 19 December 2008 (UTC)
  • Immediately follow this sentence with "Unusually the match was also Mortaza's first-class debut" and if you can find out add, "one of only X cricketers to do so." so that the reader gets a sense of how unusual this is.
    • Done, didn't think I'd be able to find anything, but I was wrong. Nev1 (talk) 21:42, 19 December 2008 (UTC)
  • "finished with figures of 4/106" This is jargon and impenetrable to the non-cricket fan, try, at least in the first instance "took four wickets for 106 runs."
    • You're right, it's easy to forget, on the first occurrence I've changed it to "and took 4 wickets for 106 runs (also written as 4/106)". Nev1 (talk) 21:12, 19 December 2008 (UTC)
  • "won the match by five wickets" I would link Result here
    • Done. Nev1 (talk) 20:49, 19 December 2008 (UTC)
  • "He also made his ODI debut in the series, making his first appearance for Bangladesh's one day team ..." repetitious, needs trimming
    • Done. Nev1 (talk) 20:49, 19 December 2008 (UTC)
  • "finished with figures" again, jargon and difficult for non-cricket fans to follow your meaning.
    • What I've done here is link "Finished with figures" to bowling analysis. Is this enough, or does it need to be spelt out throughout the article, ie: took x wickets for xx runs. Nev1 (talk) 21:12, 19 December 2008 (UTC)

More to come ... -- Mattinbgn\^talk 02:43, 11 December 2008 (UTC)

• Injury problems
  • Probably need a cite for Bangladesh's progress at WC2003
    • Added. Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • "...Mortaza suffered a knee injury; he collapsed in his follow through with a twisted knee" "Follow through" may need an explanation for non-cricket fans, or perhaps just rewritten to state "while bowling"
    • Changed to "after delivering the ball". Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • It is also a little repetitive, the second part of the sentence restates the second. Perhaps "In the second Test, Mortaza took 4/60—his best Test bowling to that date—before succumbing to a knee injury while bowling on the third day".
    • Changed to "In the second Test, Mortaza took what at the time was his best Test figures of 4/60 before succumbing to injury, collapsing with a twisted knee after delivering the ball." Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)

• Success
• "... by pegging back Rahul Dravid's off stump" Seems to me to be jargon and a little newspapery; not quite in an encyclopedic register.
  • Yes, changed to "... by dimissing Rahul Dravid". Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
• "... had chances off Sachin Tendulkar and Sourav Ganguly dropped" Jargon again. It is difficult to write on cricket without overdoing jargon, but non-cricket fans would be totally lost here.
  • Not sure if it's much of an improvement, but it now reads "He bowled consistently in the Test series and nearly dismissed Sachin Tendulkar and Sourav Ganguly, but catches were dropped." Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
• "... Bangladesh won the first Test and drew the second, completing a 1-0 series victory" Try "Bangladesh won the Test series one Test to nil, their first series victory in Test cricket. In addition , Bangladesh's victory in the first Test at the MA Aziz Stadium was their first Test win."
  • I think your suggestion reads better, done. Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
• "Playing for Khulna Division in March 2005 ..." Who did he play against?
  • Mentioned that he played against Sylhet Division. Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
• "Maiden" needs linking or explanation
  • I've added an explanation earlier that "maiden" can mean first, it should be ok as maiden overs aren't mentioned in the article. Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
• "number four" needs linking to Batting order (cricket)
  • Done. Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
• "... the innings beat his previous best first-class score of 70" Try "far surpassing his previous best score in first class cricket of 70"
  • I like it, done. Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
• "Mortaza was named man of the match for his performance and his team drew" drew what? I know but non-cricket fans might not. Try "... but the match was drawn" Indeed consider if the match result is relevant in this sentence.
  • Thinking about it, I've removed the result. Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
• "Mortaza enhanced his reputation on Bangladesh's inaugural tour of England, although Bangladesh lost the two-match Test series 2-0" "enhanced his reputation" is opinion and needs a cite.
  • Reference found. Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
• "half a run cheaper per over" Jargon, try "conceded, on average, half a run less per over bowled. "over" possibly should be linked as well.
  • Changed per your suggestion. Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
• "His consistent performances for Bangladesh led to Mortaza being selected as a reserve player for the Asian squad in the inaugural Afro-Asia Cup" Is there a cite for this claim. Probably best not to claim a cause/effect relationship here unless someone else had made the claim. I know it is a little nitpicky but unless there is a cite that his consistency led to his selection, it is an unsupported claim.
  • Fair enough, the comment about his consistency leading to his selection has been removed. Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
    • Changed. Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
• "Mortaza did not play in the series which consisted of three ODIs" I suggest "Mortaza did not play in any of the three ODIs played."
  • Better phrasing and avoids repetition, done. Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)

More to come ... -- Mattinbgn\^talk 09:44, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

• Further injury
  • "In September 2005 a back injury prevented Mortaza from touring Sri Lanka with the Bangladesh team. It was the sixth time he had to be sent home in the middle of a series." Not sure I understand what you mean here. Did he go on the tour and then was sent home? In that case he was prevented from continuing the tour, not prevented from touring in the first place.
    • Fair enough, now reads "In September 2005 a back injury meant that Mortaza had to return home from Bangladesh's tour of Sri Lanka before the start of the first Test." Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • "He returned to the Bangladesh side in February 2006 with a series of ODIs ..." "with" or "for"?
    • Changed to for. Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • "Mortaza was hit for six off the final ball of the match ..." "hit for six" needs a link, perhaps Boundary (cricket)?
    • Done. Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • "... their defeat to Zimbabwe" defeat by
    • Done. Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • "unbeaten 43" sorry, but a little jargony, link unbeaten to not out perhaps
    • Just changed to not out throughout the article. Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • "In the calendar year of 2006 Mortaza was the highest wicket taker in ODIs, taking 49 wickets" For who, the world, Bangladesh? Reword to make clear.
    • Clarified that it was in the world. Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • "Mortaza played in all three of Bangladesh's matches, taking two wickets at 50.50" Not quite clear here, the earlier sentence has him injured, I take it he returned for the tournament proper?
    • Clarified that he recovered in time for the tournament. Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • "... beyond the first round of the competition" "of the competition is probably superfluous.
    • Removed. Nev1 (talk) 21:48, 10 January 2009 (UTC)

• 2007 World Cup and vice-captaincy
  • "Mortaza played the leading role in Bangladesh's victory ..." needs a cite for this claim
    • No longer says this. Nev1 (talk) 23:20, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • "2007 World Cup and vice-captaincy" I didn't see New Zealand national cricket team linked earlier in the article. If it is, ignore this.
    • It's linked under injury problems. Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • "... crucial hard-hitting batting performance" cite needed
    • Changed to a much better tone. Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • "... that Mortaza was disinterested in the series" see wikt:disinterested, especially the usage notes at the bottom. Is this the word you mean or are you looking for wikt:uninterested?
    • Because the source used disinterested, that's what I put, but it clearly should be uninterested. Changed. Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • In general I would use "match" rather than "game", even if it sounds repetitive. Game sounds a little informal.
    • Point taken so I've changed all occurrences to match, but it does lead to some repetition such as "played in x matches of the x match ODI/Test series". Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • "Mortaza played in both of the Tests, taking seven wickets at 26.85 and finishing as the team's leading wicket-taker,[59] he was however less successful in the ODI series, taking only one wicket for 123 runs in three matches" Too long, split at the reference into two sentences.
    • Split at the reference as suggested. Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • "The league is not sanctioned ..." need to explain who it is not sanctioned by, i.e. ICC and BCB.
    • It's now clear that the ICC takes the lead and the BCB follows. Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)

• • "Mortaza was forced to miss out on Bangladesh's warm up match due to a sore back" Did he play in the other matches?
    • He did, it's now mentioned. Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)

Playing style

• • "For a long time, Mortaza was acclaimed as the fastest bowler that Bangladesh had produced (Shahadat Hossain is quicker)[74] and uses his aggressive bowling to challenge batsmen." Changes from past tense to present tense and doesn't quite scan. The reference to Hossain seems a little strange. I understand what you are trying to say but including it in parentheses is a little awkward. Try and reword.
    • It is a bit clumsy, but now it's been split into two sentences I think it works. Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • "... he exerts control over the ball" I am not sure what you mean here and I doubt most non-cricket fans would be either. If you mean he is accurate and bowls a good line and length, it is best to say so directly. If you mean he can swing (or cut) the ball (both ways?), then say so too (and link to List of cricket terms as well). "exert control" is a little vague.
    • Changed to accuracy. Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • "... comparisons with Australian great Glenn McGrath" "great" is POV (although it is my POV as well)
    • Ah well, removed. Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • "... his high Test match strike rate of 67.25" "strike rate" needs a link or an explanation
    • Explanation added and link. Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • "... and the fact that in an ODI against India, he scored 26 runs from one over including four sixes" reword, "the fact that" is redundant and a little clumsy.
    • Removed "the fact", now just read "...and that in an ODI..." Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • "He has talent to back up his aggression ..." I know it is cited, but it still reads a little POV. Is there a quote somewhere that makes the same point or can the claim be said to be made by someone else. If you can't I am happy to let this one slide.
    • I've removed this for now, I think the talent is implied as you don't score a first-class century without some. Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • "He has suffered a plethora of injuries, in his own words: "Left knee, three operations; right knee, one operation; back, stress fracture—it's better now but still gives some trouble—some shoulder problems; ankles, damaged ligaments twice" Love it, great quote and well used.
    • Cheers :-) Shows just how rough a time he's had. Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • Is there any information about his personality. Is he popular, outgoing, shy, funny etc. Once again, not a big issue but good for a rounded picture.
    • I'm not sure, I think there's an interview with him where the interviewer remarks on his personality. I'll see what I can find. Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
      • I've added a little on his personality, but it's hard not to stray into a tabloid-y tone. See what you think. Nev1 (talk) 23:54, 10 January 2009 (UTC)

• Records and statistics
  • "Highest 9th wicket partnership for Bangladesh" "ninth wicket partnership" needs a link
    • Link added. Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • link "batting strike rate"
    • Link added. Nev1 (talk) 22:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
  • Man of the Match awards. Use inline cites rather than external links
    • Done. I copied the current format from Marcus Trescothick (an FA) so that probably needs updating. Nev1 (talk) 23:20, 10 January 2009 (UTC)

And I think we are done. Sorry for the delay, and the great big list. I tend to be a little picky. Let me know how you go and if you have any questions. It is great to see a cricketer from one of the newer Test nations get some attention. Cheers, Mattinbgn\^talk 11:55, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

Not a problem, thanks for the review, I'll get it sorted ASAP. Nev1 (talk) 12:26, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

All looks good to me and now at GA standard! Well done on your work so far and thanks again for your patience. The prose still needs some work before thinking about FA. Perhaps a Peer review by a non-cricket fan may help. Cheers, Mattinbgn\^talk 10:12, 11 January 2009 (UTC)