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Talk:Mary of Modena/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Redtigerxyz Talk 16:48, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Since I didn't upload either of those images to commons, I know absolutely nothing about them. Nor can I translate the description. -- Jack1755 (talk) 19:35, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I have since translated the original Italian descriptions on both pages into English. I would say both portraits were created in the 17th century. As regards the sources for the images, the original uploader needs to be consulted. I hope this helps!--Jeanne Boleyn (talk) 07:44, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I suggest their removal/replacement as they do not satisfy 6a, also they are not the most critical images. More comments to come. --Redtigerxyz Talk 11:21, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
GA review (see here for criteria)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
    Best replacements are the queen's images from commons.
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
    --Redtigerxyz Talk 12:33, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "... as the second wife of King James II and VII." James ii and vii is confusing. Can you put a note or replace it by James II of England.
Fixed -- Jack1755 (talk) 21:33, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Contemporarily recongised as "tall and admirably shaped", Mary was sought after by Lord Peterborough as a spouse for his master Charles II of England's brother and heir, James, Duke of York." Explicitly say James, Duke of York = James II and VII to avoid confusion, something like heir, James, Duke of York - the future James II and VII".
Fixed -- Jack1755 (talk) 21:33, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "therefore the reputation of his House of Stuart safe" missing verb?
Fixed -- Jack1755 (talk) 21:33, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Accompanied by the Lady Anne and her not yet three-year-old daughter Isabella" her - meaning whose? Anne's or Mary's? "her not yet three-year-old" can be replaced by "her two-year-old" or "almost three-year-old".
Fixed -- Jack1755 (talk) 21:33, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Anne would later prove instrumental in falsely discrediting..." This sentence is misplaced in the chronology and leads to confusion. It reads like a novel where future events clad their shadows ahead. I suggest a strict chronology be followed. Same applies to the reference to widowhood in the household.
Fixed -- Jack1755 (talk) 21:33, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Having been given £20,000 worth of jewellery upon her Modenese marriage, the Duchess of York received £5,000 per annum..." I see two ideas here: the money got and the money spent. Split the sentences to separate the ideas. --Redtigerxyz Talk 13:10, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed -- Jack1755 (talk) 21:33, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • ", the Duchess of York had been, since the birth of James's bastard by his new mistress Catherine Sedley last spring, "melancholy" " The meaning is unclear
Fixed -- Jack1755 (talk) 21:33, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "... Her spirits were briefly revived by a visit from her mother, who, dispossed by her son Francesco, was living in Rome." One "her" is for Mary, other "her" for mother. It's confusing
Fixed -- Jack1755 (talk) 21:33, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • The word "melancholy" and its variants appears too often.
Fixed -- Jack1755 (talk) 21:33, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Another problem is that at different stages: the same person is referred by different titles like Lady Mary and Mary II. This becomes confusing and should be explained by notes or an explicit identification at first instance of use of the new title.
Fixed -- Jack1755 (talk) 21:33, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • While tracing long sentences like: "Relations with the rest of the royal family, too, were not helped by the birth of Mary's daughter Louise Mary, who became the premier princess at court, ranking immediately after the only French princess at the time, the Dauphine herself, which made Louis XIV's countless illegitimate daughters upset." One loses track of the beginning. Split them.
Fixed -- Jack1755 (talk) 21:33, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is "Queen over the water" used as an official title?
Nope! It was just an affectionate title Jacobites gave her. English parliament referred to her as 'the late Queen'. -- Jack1755 (talk) 21:33, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "After James II's death, James Francis Edward advised the Queen to sue the Duke for her inheritance, to no avail.": Chronology not maintained. James II's death suddenly springs.
Fixed -- Jack1755 (talk) 21:33, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
On hold
Final comments
  • Copyediting needed in view of foll. points:
    • Split long sentences where ideas change in between: e.g "It was largely ignored in England; in Scotland, however, the confederate Lords sent Lord Belhaven to Saint-Germain, to convince the Queen to surrender to them custody of James Francis Edward and accede to his conversion to Protestantism, in order to facilitate his accession to the English throne upon William III's death." TO: It was largely ignored in England. In Scotland, however, the confederate Lords sent Lord Belhaven to Saint-Germain, to convince the Queen to surrender to them custody of James Francis Edward and accede to his conversion to Protestantism, in order to facilitate his accession to the English throne upon William III's death. (Anyone with a better suggestion?)
Fixed. I broke up several long sentences in which the idea changes in between. -- Jack1755 (talk) 21:38, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Chronology be maintained
Fixed. -- Jack1755 (talk) 21:38, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Explicit identifications when changing titles
Fixed. I made clear with parenthesis who became who. -- Jack1755 (talk) 21:38, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed. Added two new images of Mary and removed the aforementioned portraits of Martinozzi and Rinaldo III. -- Jack1755 (talk) 21:38, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for all the constructive criticism Redtigerxyz! I believe I have addressed all of you concerns. -- Jack1755 (talk) 21:33, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Images are fine. Will check everything else tomorrow. --Redtigerxyz Talk 12:55, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Congrats. Fabulous article. Was fun to read. PASSED. --Redtigerxyz Talk 13:02, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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