Talk:Mary Dyer/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Coemgenus (talk · contribs) 13:12, 3 March 2015 (UTC)
I'll review this one over the next few days. --Coemgenus (talk) 13:12, 3 March 2015 (UTC)
Checklist
[edit]- It is reasonably well written.
- It is factually accurate and verifiable.
- a (reference section):
b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
- a (reference section):
- It is broad in its coverage.
- a (major aspects): b (focused):
- a (major aspects):
- It follows the neutral point of view policy.
- Fair representation without bias:
- Fair representation without bias:
- It is stable.
- No edit wars, etc.:
- No edit wars, etc.:
- It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
- a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
- a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales):
- Overall:
- Pass/Fail:
- Pass/Fail:
Comments
[edit]- Images
- These all look to be appropriately licensed, mostly PD stuff.
- References
I fixed one small sfn problem, but one remains. There's a cite to "Woodward 1896", but the source has a date of 1869. I didn't know which was correct, so I left it as is.
- Fixed; the correct date is 1869.
- Early life
"...was totally debunked..." The word "totally" is probably unnecessary here.
- removed
"Of significance is the fact that Mary's husband..." Could probably lose the first six words.
- words removed
- Massachusetts
It might be useful to link "freeman"
- done. This surprised me, because I think it's linked in a hundred of my other articles.
- Antinomian controversy
"During church services and lectures, they publicly asked the ministers about their doctrines which disagreed with their own beliefs." This could be more clear. I think you mthen they questioned ministers about doctrines that conflicted with their own beliefs?
- Yes, "questioned" is the better word; changed
- Monstrous birth
"This episode was just the beginning of the cruelty that emanated from Dyer's great personal tragedy." Eh. It's true, but the prose is a little purple, isn't it?
- I reworded it slightly to read, "This episode was just the beginning of the attention emanating from Dyer's personal tragedy." The words "cruel" and "great" have been removed, and this should make the language more neutral.
- Rhode Island
You mention the settlement being renamed Portsmouth twice. I'd delete one, doesn't matter which.
- Fixed
I think you should cut back some of the stuff about the towns and the process to unite them and get a charter where it doesn't directly involve Dyer or her husband.
- Trimmed the section, but kept the gist of the story, since William Dyer was so focal to the first 15 years of RI history. Interesting that of the four most important men in Rhode Island, three of them went to England to undo the commission that had been won by the fourth. William Dyer's going to England to revoke Coddington's commission is what set the stage for Mary's trip, which lead to her Quaker conversion and eventual martyrdom.
- That's fine, I just wanted to make sure the focus was on Dyer. --Coemgenus (talk) 12:52, 8 March 2015 (UTC)
- Trimmed the section, but kept the gist of the story, since William Dyer was so focal to the first 15 years of RI history. Interesting that of the four most important men in Rhode Island, three of them went to England to undo the commission that had been won by the fourth. William Dyer's going to England to revoke Coddington's commission is what set the stage for Mary's trip, which lead to her Quaker conversion and eventual martyrdom.
- Quakers in Massachusetts
"The punishments doled out to the Quakers were cruel and inhuman." While true, to my mind, I think it weakens the prose to state an opinion so baldly, even if it's an opinion most, if not all, readers agree with. I'd say "The punishments doled out to the Quakers included..." and let the things speak for themselves.
- I rewrote as "The punishments doled out to the Quakers intensified as their perceived threat to the Puritan religious order increased"
"Similarly, another woman becoming a victim to Puritan justice..." Kind of awkward phrasing. Maybe "Another female victim of Puritan justice...
- I removed these words altogether; it now reads, "Similarly, Katherine Scott...was whipped..."
- Dyer's return to New England
"...pointing out the many illegalities being waged by the Massachusetts authorities." Awkward phrasing.
- rewrote as " questioning the legality of the actions taken by the Massachusetts authorities"
- The first Quaker executions
"27th of October 1659" See MOS:BADDATEFORMAT
- This had been done to avoid beginning the sentence with a numeral; I've re-ordered the sentence to put the date in customary format.
I would trim the Shelter Island history except as to Dyer's visit and who else she saw there.
- I removed some of the extraneous material, and combined two short paragraphs into a single paragraph.
- That's all. This article is most of the way there, and I look forward to your responses. --Coemgenus (talk) 19:54, 6 March 2015 (UTC)
- I think I've answered all of your concerns, and I thank you very much for the review and helpful comments. I felt sure I would take some hits on neutrality, as most of the material on the early Quakers is very pro-Quaker. I needed a reviewer to bring these instances to my attention.Sarnold17 (talk) 19:31, 8 March 2015 (UTC)
- These all are resolved, and I've found nothing else that needs correction. This is good to go. Thanks for writing such and interesting and well-researched article! --Coemgenus (talk) 20:37, 8 March 2015 (UTC)